Things are still crazy busy, but I'm a lot less depressed about them. Because now we're Doing Stuff about the moving. We've signed the lease and cleaned the new place and started working on the to-do list, getting the movers arranged and planning on cutting utilities on and off, even packing a few boxes. I feel so much better about loads of stuff to do when progress is being made.
In addition to the moving stuff, I'm dealing with a very sick dog. He's old, and really started showing it in the last several weeks. He's gone downhill steadily, and started having some seizures last week. There are (expensive) things we could do to try and fix the current issue, but he would still be a 14+ year old dog. I think he's just given up. So I'm facing having him put down, either in the next few days or the next few weeks, depending on how the next couple of days goes. It's not looking good.
We also had house guests twice this weekend, including my daughter returning from her conference back to school. It was fantastic to see her, but stressful to arrange things, and we stayed up very late last night working with her on ropework. She's doing a presentation on shibari for school, so obviously she asked me for help. Which I was happy to give her.
Because of all the stress, we're having a lot of trouble shifting around. Which means I'm out almost all the time. It makes me extra-tired, because I'm used to getting frequent breaks. The kids did manage to come out for a few minutes to see my daughter and get birthday presents from her, though.
So yeah, I expect to be stressed for the next few weeks as we deal with moving and stuff. It's going to be great in the end, but I'm asking for extra patience from folks until then. And some extra hugs too.
Monday, March 10, 2014
Friday, March 7, 2014
Baby Paul a little older [Paul]
The other night, I was out (Paul). We need to pack so we can move, and I got some new Lego sets recently (including a DRAGON!), so M decided to break those down and put them away so they're ready to move. Usually, breaking down and sorting Legos is something that Kiara and me both like a lot, so it wasn't surprising when we slid from M being out to her and me both, and then to just me. That's totally normal for doing Lego stuff.
But then it got weird. I was probably 11 when I started working on them, but slid back to 8 before I knew it was happening. Most of the time, age shifts are pretty hard/break kinda things. But this time, it was a real slip-n-slide backward. When I got to 8, I thought I'd stop, but I kept slipping back more. Usually, my younger-than-8 selves are really separate from the older mes. That's why we call them Baby Paul, like a whole different alter.
Well, eventually we couldn't work on the Legos anymore; Baby Paul isn't allowed to play with them, and doesn't know how to sort them or anything. About that time, Boss came in, and he offered to read Baby Paul some books. Now, BP didn't even know about books until Boss showed him some, so it was pretty exciting to see him grab the books M had bought for him. Even cooler, he obviously knew Goodnight Moon, and talked a little bit along with it!
BP usually doesn't talk much, just looks and maybe reaches. But this time he said "mow" for the kittens and "rar" for the bears, and said "shh" with the little old lady. Usually BP is two years old, but I really got the feeling he was a little older, maybe three years old. He even gestured to ask Boss to watch cartoons on his phone, like they had done once before. He's way behind other little kids his age talking, but that doesn't surprise me, given my history growing up.
Everything was going so well, Boss tried to get BP to leave the room. What Boss doesn't know is that Baby Paul had left, earlier, when we were still alone in our room. There was a scratching noise in the hall, and he had snuck down and opened a door, letting the cat out of a room it was trapped in. But nobody saw that 'cept me.
So anyway, Boss called the dog over for BP to pet. I'm pretty much the only one of our system that will pet the dogs, because we're really allergic to them. But I'm really careful only to let one hand touch them and nothing else, and then to go wash my hands quick when I'm done. But Boss didn't know that, so he let BP pet the dog, and the dog rolled onto our legs and licked our arm and rubbed all over us. So yeah, the allergic reaction wasn't far behind. Baby Paul started scratching all over, and whining a lot. Boss had to pull him into the bathroom and strip off his clothes and wash him good. We had hives for a whole day or more after.
But aside from the allergic reaction, Baby Paul being out was really cool. He got some acting-like-a-toddler time out where he wasn't scared and somebody was taking care of him and being nice. That's pretty rare to come across in my world. So I'm really glad it happened. Looking back, I think I told the story out of order some, but it's not really important. I still have to get those Legos sorted before we move, though.
But then it got weird. I was probably 11 when I started working on them, but slid back to 8 before I knew it was happening. Most of the time, age shifts are pretty hard/break kinda things. But this time, it was a real slip-n-slide backward. When I got to 8, I thought I'd stop, but I kept slipping back more. Usually, my younger-than-8 selves are really separate from the older mes. That's why we call them Baby Paul, like a whole different alter.
Well, eventually we couldn't work on the Legos anymore; Baby Paul isn't allowed to play with them, and doesn't know how to sort them or anything. About that time, Boss came in, and he offered to read Baby Paul some books. Now, BP didn't even know about books until Boss showed him some, so it was pretty exciting to see him grab the books M had bought for him. Even cooler, he obviously knew Goodnight Moon, and talked a little bit along with it!
BP usually doesn't talk much, just looks and maybe reaches. But this time he said "mow" for the kittens and "rar" for the bears, and said "shh" with the little old lady. Usually BP is two years old, but I really got the feeling he was a little older, maybe three years old. He even gestured to ask Boss to watch cartoons on his phone, like they had done once before. He's way behind other little kids his age talking, but that doesn't surprise me, given my history growing up.
Everything was going so well, Boss tried to get BP to leave the room. What Boss doesn't know is that Baby Paul had left, earlier, when we were still alone in our room. There was a scratching noise in the hall, and he had snuck down and opened a door, letting the cat out of a room it was trapped in. But nobody saw that 'cept me.
So anyway, Boss called the dog over for BP to pet. I'm pretty much the only one of our system that will pet the dogs, because we're really allergic to them. But I'm really careful only to let one hand touch them and nothing else, and then to go wash my hands quick when I'm done. But Boss didn't know that, so he let BP pet the dog, and the dog rolled onto our legs and licked our arm and rubbed all over us. So yeah, the allergic reaction wasn't far behind. Baby Paul started scratching all over, and whining a lot. Boss had to pull him into the bathroom and strip off his clothes and wash him good. We had hives for a whole day or more after.
But aside from the allergic reaction, Baby Paul being out was really cool. He got some acting-like-a-toddler time out where he wasn't scared and somebody was taking care of him and being nice. That's pretty rare to come across in my world. So I'm really glad it happened. Looking back, I think I told the story out of order some, but it's not really important. I still have to get those Legos sorted before we move, though.
Big Things Happening [Me]
I'm being poked at to blog. Because I haven't. Because I have too much to say. Today may be a bad day for it, because I'm fighting off a 'depressed'. I'm really in need of some non-sexual skin-contact cuddling and petting. Just comfort, really. I think it's because I am just overwhelmed with so many things that I need to do and get done.
Let's see, the little stuff first.
My birthday was last week, and Kiara/Paul's is next week. The body was born February 26, and all the adults in the system are fine claiming that as their birthday. Kiara claims March 11 as her birthday, and invited Paul to share it, so the kids have their own birthday, two weeks after mine.
The 2nd anniversary of my collaring to Boss was last week, also. We didn't celebrate quite the way we intended. We were going to do a scene with needles (yuck) the Saturday before, but we were waiting for late in the evening. So early in the evening, Kiara asked Boss for a little spanking. It started out well, but he thought she had switched out and escalated. She hadn't switched out, so she ended up mad at him, and put us both off-balance. We didn't recover from it that evening, so we just went home early. We did make up the scene the next weekend.
My work's being a little crazy. They fired 17 people all at once about a month ago. I was part of a two-person helpdesk, and the other person was one of the Seventeen. So I'm now on-call 24/7 as the only person on the Helpdesk, and I'm scrambling a little trying to figure out some of the things that the other girl did and I don't really know how to do. We're still fiddling with how things work now, so there's some unsureness going on there.
My daughter passed through town going to a conference, and will be coming back through on Sunday headed back. This is good, but extra hassle trying to figure scheduling and sleeping arrangements and such.
I've been having a lot of doctor-health-stuff lately, as you probably read in earlier blogs. Which also means extra money issues. I got billed an extra $400 for the liver biopsy over and above what they told me. I went back to the gastroenterologist to get HepA & B vaccinations, and soon will be going to an hematologist to have blood drawn regularly to get my ferritin levels down.
And the big stuff. We're moving. We found a house that we all four like. Yeah, that's great stuff, not depressing stuff. But what comes along with it are money stresses (as we pay for three places to live for the next month), lists of things to do, packing & unpacking, getting utilities transferred and movers booked, and all other kinds of stuff to make it happen. So I'm excited, but flooded with Stuff To Do. And of course, because I am who I am, I feel like every little piece of it is my responsibility. Even though there are three other adults involved.
And because I'm feeling overwhelmed and a bit depressed, my mind is attributing motivations to other people's actions that are probably completely made up. Like MK has cancelled on a couple of nights to come over and hang out. I feel like he's avoiding me, right when I really need some cuddling. Of course, the logical part of my brain mentions the fact that he's probably really really busy at work, as evidenced by his getting home from work at like 8pm each night. I know, because that's when he's texting me that he just got home and doesn't feel like coming over. But yeah, feels like he's just not interested - because I'm stressed - not his fault.
So yeah, lots of good things happening, but just stressed out about it all. Birthdays (one down and one more to go). Anniversaries (we beat the two-year expiration point!). Work (I'm the one who stayed, not the one who got fired). Getting to see the Girl - twice! Health stuff - no hemochromatosis. Found a house to live together (lots of stuff to do).
Let's see, the little stuff first.
My birthday was last week, and Kiara/Paul's is next week. The body was born February 26, and all the adults in the system are fine claiming that as their birthday. Kiara claims March 11 as her birthday, and invited Paul to share it, so the kids have their own birthday, two weeks after mine.
The 2nd anniversary of my collaring to Boss was last week, also. We didn't celebrate quite the way we intended. We were going to do a scene with needles (yuck) the Saturday before, but we were waiting for late in the evening. So early in the evening, Kiara asked Boss for a little spanking. It started out well, but he thought she had switched out and escalated. She hadn't switched out, so she ended up mad at him, and put us both off-balance. We didn't recover from it that evening, so we just went home early. We did make up the scene the next weekend.
My work's being a little crazy. They fired 17 people all at once about a month ago. I was part of a two-person helpdesk, and the other person was one of the Seventeen. So I'm now on-call 24/7 as the only person on the Helpdesk, and I'm scrambling a little trying to figure out some of the things that the other girl did and I don't really know how to do. We're still fiddling with how things work now, so there's some unsureness going on there.
My daughter passed through town going to a conference, and will be coming back through on Sunday headed back. This is good, but extra hassle trying to figure scheduling and sleeping arrangements and such.
I've been having a lot of doctor-health-stuff lately, as you probably read in earlier blogs. Which also means extra money issues. I got billed an extra $400 for the liver biopsy over and above what they told me. I went back to the gastroenterologist to get HepA & B vaccinations, and soon will be going to an hematologist to have blood drawn regularly to get my ferritin levels down.
And the big stuff. We're moving. We found a house that we all four like. Yeah, that's great stuff, not depressing stuff. But what comes along with it are money stresses (as we pay for three places to live for the next month), lists of things to do, packing & unpacking, getting utilities transferred and movers booked, and all other kinds of stuff to make it happen. So I'm excited, but flooded with Stuff To Do. And of course, because I am who I am, I feel like every little piece of it is my responsibility. Even though there are three other adults involved.
And because I'm feeling overwhelmed and a bit depressed, my mind is attributing motivations to other people's actions that are probably completely made up. Like MK has cancelled on a couple of nights to come over and hang out. I feel like he's avoiding me, right when I really need some cuddling. Of course, the logical part of my brain mentions the fact that he's probably really really busy at work, as evidenced by his getting home from work at like 8pm each night. I know, because that's when he's texting me that he just got home and doesn't feel like coming over. But yeah, feels like he's just not interested - because I'm stressed - not his fault.
So yeah, lots of good things happening, but just stressed out about it all. Birthdays (one down and one more to go). Anniversaries (we beat the two-year expiration point!). Work (I'm the one who stayed, not the one who got fired). Getting to see the Girl - twice! Health stuff - no hemochromatosis. Found a house to live together (lots of stuff to do).
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Mall Trip With the Kids [Me]
Yesterday we had some time to kill, so we stopped at the mall. Specifically to go to The Container Store, which is one of my favorite stores. Now, I have a serious fetish for organization and things to put stuff in. I've always loved boxes that stack, and organizer kits, and my favorite purses have been the ones with zippers and pouches and sections. I do like my stuff, but I really love my stuff all organized and neat. Yeah, it's a personal problem that I can live with. So anyway, The Container Store (TCS) is a kind of candy store for me.
The last time we went to TCS, Paul picked up a couple of little plastic organizers for Legos. As we were going in, I told him that he could get a couple more, if he wanted. They are only $2.99 each. Well, of course, if I'm getting something for one kid... Kiara asked if she could get something, too. I told her that if she found something inexpensive that she wanted - not just to get something, but something she actually wanted anyway - then yes. If Paul gets something, she can get something.
So we wandered around for a while, and Paul found his organizers. But then he found some more little clear boxes, and he made a really wise decision. He put the plastic organizers back, and decided to wait until after we move and get some boxes that could be used to organize his Legos and also put them on a pretty display. Here are the boxes:
8.25"x3.5" - http://www.containerstore.com/shop?productId=10035409&N=&Ntt=stackable
8.25"x3.5" - http://www.containerstore.com/shop?productId=10035408&N=&Ntt=stackable
8.25"x3.5" - http://www.containerstore.com/shop/containers/boxes?productId=10032168&N=80804
3.5"x2.75" - http://www.containerstore.com/shop?productId=10032170&N=&Ntt=stackable
3.5"x2.75" - http://www.containerstore.com/shop?productId=10035360&N=&Ntt=stackable
So Paul didn't get anything at TCS. And because Kiara didn't see anything she just had to have, she didn't get anything either. We still had time to blow, so we walked around the mall. I never buy things at this mall, because it's in the ritzy area of town, and it's all very expensive stores. But then Kiara saw the candy store. You know, one of those with the bins of bulk candy where you buy it by the pound. She wanted to go in. I explained that we aren't getting candy. We're trying to get a smaller body - and candy doesn't help that. And I didn't have any cash, and didn't want to buy enough to justify using a card. So she insisted on just looking.
I went in, at the same time reaching in my purse to see if I had some spare change. Lo and behold, my wallet was missing! I remembered putting it in my purse, but I also remembered my purse tipping over in the car. So it was in the car. I was not going back for it.Which means we left the candy store with No Candy. And the little princess was Not Happy About It.
Honestly, it was a typical trip to the mall in a lot of ways. Both kids looked around and wanted, and neither got anything. I was really proud of Paul for planning ahead and deciding to hold off, though.
The last time we went to TCS, Paul picked up a couple of little plastic organizers for Legos. As we were going in, I told him that he could get a couple more, if he wanted. They are only $2.99 each. Well, of course, if I'm getting something for one kid... Kiara asked if she could get something, too. I told her that if she found something inexpensive that she wanted - not just to get something, but something she actually wanted anyway - then yes. If Paul gets something, she can get something.
So we wandered around for a while, and Paul found his organizers. But then he found some more little clear boxes, and he made a really wise decision. He put the plastic organizers back, and decided to wait until after we move and get some boxes that could be used to organize his Legos and also put them on a pretty display. Here are the boxes:
8.25"x3.5" - http://www.containerstore.com/shop?productId=10035409&N=&Ntt=stackable
8.25"x3.5" - http://www.containerstore.com/shop?productId=10035408&N=&Ntt=stackable
8.25"x3.5" - http://www.containerstore.com/shop/containers/boxes?productId=10032168&N=80804
3.5"x2.75" - http://www.containerstore.com/shop?productId=10032170&N=&Ntt=stackable
3.5"x2.75" - http://www.containerstore.com/shop?productId=10035360&N=&Ntt=stackable
So Paul didn't get anything at TCS. And because Kiara didn't see anything she just had to have, she didn't get anything either. We still had time to blow, so we walked around the mall. I never buy things at this mall, because it's in the ritzy area of town, and it's all very expensive stores. But then Kiara saw the candy store. You know, one of those with the bins of bulk candy where you buy it by the pound. She wanted to go in. I explained that we aren't getting candy. We're trying to get a smaller body - and candy doesn't help that. And I didn't have any cash, and didn't want to buy enough to justify using a card. So she insisted on just looking.
I went in, at the same time reaching in my purse to see if I had some spare change. Lo and behold, my wallet was missing! I remembered putting it in my purse, but I also remembered my purse tipping over in the car. So it was in the car. I was not going back for it.Which means we left the candy store with No Candy. And the little princess was Not Happy About It.
Honestly, it was a typical trip to the mall in a lot of ways. Both kids looked around and wanted, and neither got anything. I was really proud of Paul for planning ahead and deciding to hold off, though.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Coming Back Together [Me]
Relationships. I've been all over the place with them lately. I guess some closure of things I've brought up in past posts is the best place to start here.
Last fall, Boss and I were really shaky. There was a lot of hurt feelings, and not being sure what was going to happen. Some of that had to do with his jealousy of MK. Some of that came from just wanting my time and attention, but a lot of that had to do with one of his alters. There was also unease over MK wanting to date only me and a misunderstanding that he would be dating all of us. Things happened, and MK and Boss got to being really awkward around each other. All that led up to a huge temper tantrum where Boss removed my collar from me. I was hurt enough to consider moving out. And I wouldn't put it back on, which was not what he expected. That was in early December - you know, that great time of year when everyone is stressed and depressed.
Since then, Boss, Metamour, and I have been talking about our relationship. We've put together an agreement for our household and relationships we all have. Being poly and open means a lot of opportunities for miscommunication, so we've tried to narrow down some rules on how to keep everyone informed and happy.
After we finished covering that territory as a group of three, Boss and I had more conversations related to us specifically and the difference between being boyfriend/girlfriend versus my wearing his collar. There are a lot of emotions attached to that collar, and limits and rules that go along with it too. Long story short, we got to some agreement, and I put the collar back on this past weekend.
And with that settled enough, now I have things to talk to MK about. Pretty much the same conversations above, but I know the agreements we'll come to will look a lot different. But dealing with the house comes first.
As a trio, we've been getting close to another couple. But when everything in our household blew up, they had to be put aside for a while so we could take care of us first. Now we're about to start talking more to them about what kind of interrelationships we all want to have.
Okay, that's all the stuff up in the air. Here's what's coming up.
As MK gets his stuff cleaned up at the house, I'm putting the house up for sale. I want to get that out of my life.
Our lease (for me, Boss, Metamour) is up in April, and we are looking for a place big enough for not just the three of us, but MK. Yeah, we might all get to move in together. Wouldn't that be great? There are a lot of concerns about the two guys coming to live together, but in the long run, I think it will work out great. After all, Metamour and I really could not get to be friends with one another until we lived together. There were a couple of months to adjust, and now we're great friends.
There are a lot of reasons why all of us living together makes sense, and I'm really excited to see it coming closer. And I'm committed to making it work with both of my wonderful guys. And I know they'll both get to be better friends when they're around each other more. So the sooner the better, as far as I'm concerned. All we have to do is make the money stuff work out.
Last fall, Boss and I were really shaky. There was a lot of hurt feelings, and not being sure what was going to happen. Some of that had to do with his jealousy of MK. Some of that came from just wanting my time and attention, but a lot of that had to do with one of his alters. There was also unease over MK wanting to date only me and a misunderstanding that he would be dating all of us. Things happened, and MK and Boss got to being really awkward around each other. All that led up to a huge temper tantrum where Boss removed my collar from me. I was hurt enough to consider moving out. And I wouldn't put it back on, which was not what he expected. That was in early December - you know, that great time of year when everyone is stressed and depressed.
Since then, Boss, Metamour, and I have been talking about our relationship. We've put together an agreement for our household and relationships we all have. Being poly and open means a lot of opportunities for miscommunication, so we've tried to narrow down some rules on how to keep everyone informed and happy.
After we finished covering that territory as a group of three, Boss and I had more conversations related to us specifically and the difference between being boyfriend/girlfriend versus my wearing his collar. There are a lot of emotions attached to that collar, and limits and rules that go along with it too. Long story short, we got to some agreement, and I put the collar back on this past weekend.
And with that settled enough, now I have things to talk to MK about. Pretty much the same conversations above, but I know the agreements we'll come to will look a lot different. But dealing with the house comes first.
As a trio, we've been getting close to another couple. But when everything in our household blew up, they had to be put aside for a while so we could take care of us first. Now we're about to start talking more to them about what kind of interrelationships we all want to have.
Okay, that's all the stuff up in the air. Here's what's coming up.
As MK gets his stuff cleaned up at the house, I'm putting the house up for sale. I want to get that out of my life.
Our lease (for me, Boss, Metamour) is up in April, and we are looking for a place big enough for not just the three of us, but MK. Yeah, we might all get to move in together. Wouldn't that be great? There are a lot of concerns about the two guys coming to live together, but in the long run, I think it will work out great. After all, Metamour and I really could not get to be friends with one another until we lived together. There were a couple of months to adjust, and now we're great friends.
There are a lot of reasons why all of us living together makes sense, and I'm really excited to see it coming closer. And I'm committed to making it work with both of my wonderful guys. And I know they'll both get to be better friends when they're around each other more. So the sooner the better, as far as I'm concerned. All we have to do is make the money stuff work out.
Health Concerns 3 [Me]
I may be posting about physical stuff to keep from having to think hard to put together mental stuff. But let me get this out of the way, and this may be my last health-related blog post for a while.
The tegaderm actually pulled off skin in three places. So my side is healing from a lot of tearing, and one very deep needle-hole. I was really tired for several days after the biopsy, but I seem to be fine now. So I'm waiting for my next doctor's appointment to start the blood-letting.
On to the weight loss issue. We've continued to cut down on bad eating and substitute more-healthful choices for junk food. I'm rarely having a third Coke in a day, and keeping it limited to three sugar-y drinks either way. I'm weighing myself and checking my blood sugar twice a week. The sugar's been pretty steady around 115 in the morning before eating. So high, but not diabetes high.
Sunday, all four of us - me, Boss, MK, and the Metamour - all went to the YMCA and signed up for a membership. We're going to go (nearly) every Sunday, everyone who's available, as a family 'date'. This Sunday, I did 15 minutes on an elliptical, and 15 minutes on a recumbent bike. Walking the track in between, I then did some weights and some kind of pushing machine for a while. MK is directing me, since he has more knowledge in gym-related-stuff than I do. My pecs are sore (I had to look up what the muscle was called there, but they hurt). Then we hit the pool, where we played around with some resistance bars and did some laps. So yeah, I burned some calories, and I'm going to do it again each Sunday.
The tegaderm actually pulled off skin in three places. So my side is healing from a lot of tearing, and one very deep needle-hole. I was really tired for several days after the biopsy, but I seem to be fine now. So I'm waiting for my next doctor's appointment to start the blood-letting.
On to the weight loss issue. We've continued to cut down on bad eating and substitute more-healthful choices for junk food. I'm rarely having a third Coke in a day, and keeping it limited to three sugar-y drinks either way. I'm weighing myself and checking my blood sugar twice a week. The sugar's been pretty steady around 115 in the morning before eating. So high, but not diabetes high.
Sunday, all four of us - me, Boss, MK, and the Metamour - all went to the YMCA and signed up for a membership. We're going to go (nearly) every Sunday, everyone who's available, as a family 'date'. This Sunday, I did 15 minutes on an elliptical, and 15 minutes on a recumbent bike. Walking the track in between, I then did some weights and some kind of pushing machine for a while. MK is directing me, since he has more knowledge in gym-related-stuff than I do. My pecs are sore (I had to look up what the muscle was called there, but they hurt). Then we hit the pool, where we played around with some resistance bars and did some laps. So yeah, I burned some calories, and I'm going to do it again each Sunday.
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