Monday, February 29, 2016

A Time of Endings [Me]

I'm going through some rough times right now, and I expect the next few days to continue to be tense. It'll get better after that, but right now it's hard.

Boss and I have both resigned from the Education Committee at the club. It's time for that committee to evolve a bit, and a lot of the reasons why we needed to be on it are no longer there. Boss has been too busy at work to really participate anyway. And I was feeling burnt out when it started - two and a half years ago. So I'm going to drop down to just teaching. It's a positive move, but I'm a little sad about it.

The big change things, though, are related to the moving and breaking up that started last April. MK and I broke up, but he continued living in the upstairs bedroom as a roommate. It's been strained and awkward the whole time. So when Boss and I finally moved into a new place last month, just the two of us, that finally brought us several steps closer to being really actually separate. I never really had any 'closure' or moment of breaking up with MK, and I'm not going to get it. Because we didn't have a big fight - our break up came about because he just stopped talking to me for three weeks because his feelings were hurt. Turns out the cold shoulder just completely freezes me. So three weeks later, when we trapped him before he could run upstairs and avoid us, I asked him, "So are we done, or what?" His response was, "I guess so." Yeah, that was our big closing argument. So no fight, no discussion, no reasons why even, and then his 'working on moving out' dragged on for nine months. We didn't end things, they just got ignored until they withered. The whole things leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

But that's not all. Because he's still living in the place we all rented. He was going to be out the first week of February, then mid-February, then by last weekend. Our lease ends today. Our stuff's out, but when we went this weekend to clean the place before turning it over to the landlord, we found that he had barely started packing, and all of his things were scattered and spread out even more than before we moved. His big plan is to move everything out today after work, and move into his new place tomorrow. I told him directly that I don't believe he will get everything out and get it cleaned by tonight. But what happens if he doesn't? Do I negotiate with the landlord to come in tomorrow after work and clean it? Do we just turn it over as is? Technically, MK should work with the landlord about renting it for an extended period of time. But we all know that won't happen. Boss and I are on the same lease that MK is, that obligates us and ties up getting our security deposit back. I know tonight's going to be awful, and I'm afraid we've been blackmailed into helping him move and then staying up all night cleaning.

I'm so angry at MK for putting me in this position. Angry at him for always failing to communicate with me. Angry at him for ignoring our relationship to death. Angry that he wouldn't go away when it was over. Angry that he still hasn't moved out even with the lease ending. Angry that I'm going to end up having to pick up after him. Angry that I'm not even going to get to say goodbye to someone that I did love and spent several years of my life with. And I'm angry that he's not going to be in my life anymore, as difficult as being even friends with him can be.

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