I'm going to gripe now. Read at your own risk.
The Bad - MK's giving me the cold shoulder. He hasn't said three words at a time to me for over two weeks. Don't know why.
The Good - I've had a lot of extra 'me' time lately that normally would be spent with him, and it's been pretty pleasant, as long as I've kept my emotions in check.
The Bad - My company laid off over 20 people this morning. While the rest of those that still have a job went drinking together, I stayed at work at shut down software access for those folks.
The Good - I still have a job. And I went home early.
The Bad - My period just started.
The Good - One more confirmation I'm not pregnant.
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Friday, April 17, 2015
Monday, February 9, 2015
Resolutions, Not the New Years Kind (Me)
It's time to catch my readers up on what's going on. There are a number of situations that have impacted us lately that all seem to have been resolved or moving quickly toward a resolution. I feel like things are going to start getting better from this point on. Here's hoping.
Glass seems to be sticking around, but just in the background. Paul and Kiara have both been out a little bit lately; not back to normal, but enough that I'm not worried about them. Sam and Rubi haven't really been out, but I can hear them around inside. So we're back to six people for now.
I'm still dealing with dental work. We made two attempts at the root canal, and couldn't get it through. So we're having the tooth pulled, along with another that was slated for extraction. That'll be this Friday, and then that should be the end of things going on with my teeth, I hope.
I mentioned before that Boss lost his job about a month ago. There were a couple of jobs out of town that he was looking at; and I had already decided I wasn't willing to move out of town if he took them. So we were scared that the job thing was going to force us to break up. Well, last Friday he accepted a new job, and it's in town. So all the stress that goes with unemployment is handled. There may be a week or two break in the income stream, but we've already prepared for that.
Now, this means that Boss is going to need a car. I have a second vehicle, a truck, but my daughter has been driving it. Well, she bought a car this weekend, so we'll have the truck back. It's not a good choice for Boss to drive to/from work forever, but it'll do just fine for a while. Timing sometimes works out really well.
As part of the discussions about out-of-town jobs, MK and I talked a lot about whether he and I and Boss were a viable relationship. Even if Boss took a job in town, all of us splitting up and moving out separately was an option we were looking at. And we had to wait for a job to be picked up before we could really make any decisions. The three of us have decided to keep pushing to make things work. Knowing that we are all three committed to that really eases my mind and gives me some hope that we can succeed. I'm feeling pretty good about things in that realm now.
Part of what we have to work on is the change in my relationship with Boss. A few weeks back, just before the job loss was announced, I think, I decided I could no longer wear Boss's collar. I have tried to be his submissive, but I felt like I was failing at it all the time. I think part of that comes from losing Cherish and Stephanie, and even Gracelyn. So we are going to try being boyfriend and girlfriend (and boyfriend) instead. This is new territory for us, but hopefully this will turn into something where we all feel like we're succeeding more.
Now, I did say the three of us, and there are four people in our family. It's been decided that the Metamour will be transitioning out of our household over the next few months. That relationship has just not proved to be salvageable, so we're working on changing that. So now she's doing the job search thing, and trying to plan out what she's going to be doing instead. That has the potential to turn into a lot of stress in the household, but we're all going to help her as much as we can reasonably do so.
Oh, and I'm finally over the Yearly Ick. With all the situations beginning to resolve, the despair and hopelessness and depression is lifting. So things are looking up, and I think they'll continue to do so.
Glass seems to be sticking around, but just in the background. Paul and Kiara have both been out a little bit lately; not back to normal, but enough that I'm not worried about them. Sam and Rubi haven't really been out, but I can hear them around inside. So we're back to six people for now.
I'm still dealing with dental work. We made two attempts at the root canal, and couldn't get it through. So we're having the tooth pulled, along with another that was slated for extraction. That'll be this Friday, and then that should be the end of things going on with my teeth, I hope.
I mentioned before that Boss lost his job about a month ago. There were a couple of jobs out of town that he was looking at; and I had already decided I wasn't willing to move out of town if he took them. So we were scared that the job thing was going to force us to break up. Well, last Friday he accepted a new job, and it's in town. So all the stress that goes with unemployment is handled. There may be a week or two break in the income stream, but we've already prepared for that.
Now, this means that Boss is going to need a car. I have a second vehicle, a truck, but my daughter has been driving it. Well, she bought a car this weekend, so we'll have the truck back. It's not a good choice for Boss to drive to/from work forever, but it'll do just fine for a while. Timing sometimes works out really well.
As part of the discussions about out-of-town jobs, MK and I talked a lot about whether he and I and Boss were a viable relationship. Even if Boss took a job in town, all of us splitting up and moving out separately was an option we were looking at. And we had to wait for a job to be picked up before we could really make any decisions. The three of us have decided to keep pushing to make things work. Knowing that we are all three committed to that really eases my mind and gives me some hope that we can succeed. I'm feeling pretty good about things in that realm now.
Part of what we have to work on is the change in my relationship with Boss. A few weeks back, just before the job loss was announced, I think, I decided I could no longer wear Boss's collar. I have tried to be his submissive, but I felt like I was failing at it all the time. I think part of that comes from losing Cherish and Stephanie, and even Gracelyn. So we are going to try being boyfriend and girlfriend (and boyfriend) instead. This is new territory for us, but hopefully this will turn into something where we all feel like we're succeeding more.
Now, I did say the three of us, and there are four people in our family. It's been decided that the Metamour will be transitioning out of our household over the next few months. That relationship has just not proved to be salvageable, so we're working on changing that. So now she's doing the job search thing, and trying to plan out what she's going to be doing instead. That has the potential to turn into a lot of stress in the household, but we're all going to help her as much as we can reasonably do so.
Oh, and I'm finally over the Yearly Ick. With all the situations beginning to resolve, the despair and hopelessness and depression is lifting. So things are looking up, and I think they'll continue to do so.
Friday, October 17, 2014
Roof Woes [Me]
And cue new depression. On top of everything else, I still have a house I'm trying to sell. It's been up for sell for over four months. It's a fixer-upper; there are things that need repaired. And it's priced to reflect that. The tub needs covered/replaced, paint and carpet need done. But now the roof is leaking. It looks like I'm going to be paying for a roof before I'm able to sell the house. And I'm so broke. I assume I'm looking at 5 or 6 thousand dollars, which means a loan. It's really upsetting me, mostly because I feel so helpless.
I want to just switch out and let someone else be out, someone that isn't responsible for thinking about the house. One of the kids, or whoever it is that keeps wanting to hide in the closet. But I'm also working. I have to stay out and do my job and fight off the upset helplessness.
I want to just switch out and let someone else be out, someone that isn't responsible for thinking about the house. One of the kids, or whoever it is that keeps wanting to hide in the closet. But I'm also working. I have to stay out and do my job and fight off the upset helplessness.
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Happy Day [Me]
Today I am happy. Not about anything in particular, but just generally happy.
Teaching is going well:
I'll be teaching Kink 101 at Akaicon this weekend. And I'm ready. The presentation looks good.
I've got Kink 101 on September 14 planned and set up, and I've started getting the word out.
We're not going to do Pro 101 again until maybe Spring 2015, so I'm not worrying about that.
The Education Committee at the club is all set and working on things. I've revamped my Dungeon 101 class to be specific to that venue and be the club's Dungeon 101 class.
Relationships are going pretty well:
Boss and I are doing well. The anti-anxiety meds are making a big difference. We've had some really great scenes and talks lately, and are doing pretty well together.
MK has had some rough times the last couple of weeks and has withdrawn, but he seems to be coming back out of that phase now.
Metamour and Boss aren't so touchy around each other, so I guess they've settled out a bit.
Family stuff is a mixed bag:
The daughter is coming home on Monday. I'm really looking forward to seeing her.
My father is still dying, but he's gradually deteriorating. The end is coming soon, but we got to see him and say goodbye while he was still pretty coherent.
My mom and step-dad lost their dog recently, but otherwise seem to be doing well. I miss them, though.
Work is going fine, nothing majorly negative or positive. I like my job, which is a great thing to be able to say.
Teaching is going well:
I'll be teaching Kink 101 at Akaicon this weekend. And I'm ready. The presentation looks good.
I've got Kink 101 on September 14 planned and set up, and I've started getting the word out.
We're not going to do Pro 101 again until maybe Spring 2015, so I'm not worrying about that.
The Education Committee at the club is all set and working on things. I've revamped my Dungeon 101 class to be specific to that venue and be the club's Dungeon 101 class.
Relationships are going pretty well:
Boss and I are doing well. The anti-anxiety meds are making a big difference. We've had some really great scenes and talks lately, and are doing pretty well together.
MK has had some rough times the last couple of weeks and has withdrawn, but he seems to be coming back out of that phase now.
Metamour and Boss aren't so touchy around each other, so I guess they've settled out a bit.
Family stuff is a mixed bag:
The daughter is coming home on Monday. I'm really looking forward to seeing her.
My father is still dying, but he's gradually deteriorating. The end is coming soon, but we got to see him and say goodbye while he was still pretty coherent.
My mom and step-dad lost their dog recently, but otherwise seem to be doing well. I miss them, though.
Work is going fine, nothing majorly negative or positive. I like my job, which is a great thing to be able to say.
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Uncharacteristic Flashes of Anger
I'm struggling this week, more than last week. I'm definitely fighting off being depressed. And this time, it's coming in delightful little bursts of sarcasm and anger (that 'delightful' was sarcastic, if you didn't catch it). I'm getting flashes of being irrationally angry at people. And along with the anger comes a biting bitchy remark in my head that I'm just barely keeping from letting out my mouth. It would be acceptable if the target of said angry remarks deserved it, but that hasn't been true. It'll be something simple, like someone saying 'excuse me' to pass me in the hall, and I'll hear, loud and clear in my head, "Well if you weren't travelling down the WRONG side of the hallway, then it wouldn't be MY PROBLEM to get out of your FUCKING way!" It just totally out of proportion to whatever the micro-offense might be.
So I'm working hard to contain these flashes of anger, because they aren't justified, and they're about me, not about whoever I'm angry at. Oh, and I want to get angry at someone. I want to have a screaming, in-your-face, breaking plates and throwing things against the wall kind of fight with someone. Except the someones that are most likely the targets for a big fight are people that haven't done anything to make me angry; in fact they've tried to help me feel better.
At first I thought the anger was Rubi's. Anger is usually her emotion; she's a frothing pit of teenage anger. But it's not her; she's doing just fine. No, this is my anger.
The only thing I feel like I can potentially legitimately blame it on is that my father is dying. I'm not exactly sad about this. I mean I am, but it's not crippling sadness. He's been more or less out of my life for twenty years. It's a shame he and I didn't get to be friends again before he turned out to have deadly cancer in his brain. But it's not really going to change much in my day-to-day life. So I have trouble being really sad about it, except in little bursts when I'm actually thinking about it. Like now, because I'm writing about it.
So what else can I be depressed and angry about? Work's going great. I feel capable and appreciated and well-paid and encouraged. Best job I've ever had. My kink-teaching is going great, too. We just taught a Blade Play class and I'm teaching Dungeon 101 tonight. I've also submitted to teach at two cons this fall, the same ones I taught at last year. Soon it'll be time to start looking at teaching Pro101 again. Money's tight, but that's nothing new - and I can see a potential light at the end of the tunnel now that the old house is on the market. There's still a lot we need to find time to do on the house, but it's no longer an overwhelming amount. Just a few hours should do it.
The only place where things aren't all hopeful and nice are relationships. I knew all of us moving in together would require some adjustment. And it still is doing so. I don't get to spend much more time with MK than before he moved in. But I really love getting to just touch him or give him a quick hug as we all pass by going in and out. I know he's either depressed or kinda sick right now, but I don't know what I can do to help him. Boss is also in a pretty needy place right now. He needs me to be all touchy-feely-sexy with him and comfort him and reassure him that, even though my other boyfriend is in the house, he's still all-important and needed by me. But I'm so far from touchy-feely-sexy right now. I feel a huge aversion to touch right now, especially sexual touch, which is unusual for me, as is the anger. I need hugs and pats and then to be left alone at arm's reach. Which translates to Boss as 'Fine, I touched you. Now leave me alone.' But what I mean is, 'Here's a touch; it's all I can handle, and I want it to go to you.'
I am committed to both of my guys. I want the four of us (don't forget the Metamour!) to be together five years from now, ten years from now. But today, I really wish I lived by myself, so I could pout and mope and be miserable without anyone else around. And then I could scream and throw things against the wall until I felt better.
So I'm working hard to contain these flashes of anger, because they aren't justified, and they're about me, not about whoever I'm angry at. Oh, and I want to get angry at someone. I want to have a screaming, in-your-face, breaking plates and throwing things against the wall kind of fight with someone. Except the someones that are most likely the targets for a big fight are people that haven't done anything to make me angry; in fact they've tried to help me feel better.
At first I thought the anger was Rubi's. Anger is usually her emotion; she's a frothing pit of teenage anger. But it's not her; she's doing just fine. No, this is my anger.
The only thing I feel like I can potentially legitimately blame it on is that my father is dying. I'm not exactly sad about this. I mean I am, but it's not crippling sadness. He's been more or less out of my life for twenty years. It's a shame he and I didn't get to be friends again before he turned out to have deadly cancer in his brain. But it's not really going to change much in my day-to-day life. So I have trouble being really sad about it, except in little bursts when I'm actually thinking about it. Like now, because I'm writing about it.
So what else can I be depressed and angry about? Work's going great. I feel capable and appreciated and well-paid and encouraged. Best job I've ever had. My kink-teaching is going great, too. We just taught a Blade Play class and I'm teaching Dungeon 101 tonight. I've also submitted to teach at two cons this fall, the same ones I taught at last year. Soon it'll be time to start looking at teaching Pro101 again. Money's tight, but that's nothing new - and I can see a potential light at the end of the tunnel now that the old house is on the market. There's still a lot we need to find time to do on the house, but it's no longer an overwhelming amount. Just a few hours should do it.
The only place where things aren't all hopeful and nice are relationships. I knew all of us moving in together would require some adjustment. And it still is doing so. I don't get to spend much more time with MK than before he moved in. But I really love getting to just touch him or give him a quick hug as we all pass by going in and out. I know he's either depressed or kinda sick right now, but I don't know what I can do to help him. Boss is also in a pretty needy place right now. He needs me to be all touchy-feely-sexy with him and comfort him and reassure him that, even though my other boyfriend is in the house, he's still all-important and needed by me. But I'm so far from touchy-feely-sexy right now. I feel a huge aversion to touch right now, especially sexual touch, which is unusual for me, as is the anger. I need hugs and pats and then to be left alone at arm's reach. Which translates to Boss as 'Fine, I touched you. Now leave me alone.' But what I mean is, 'Here's a touch; it's all I can handle, and I want it to go to you.'
I am committed to both of my guys. I want the four of us (don't forget the Metamour!) to be together five years from now, ten years from now. But today, I really wish I lived by myself, so I could pout and mope and be miserable without anyone else around. And then I could scream and throw things against the wall until I felt better.
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
What Do I Say? [Me]
I'm back to work after visiting my father in the hospital. The return to routine is helping me a lot. I'm having moments of Sad, but mostly I'm just going about work as usual. Which is okay until a coworker asks me about my dad or about why I was gone last week.
My dad's gone home from the hospital. I'll call later today to find out how the adjustment is going. But yesterday he said he felt better than he had in months and was really looking forward to getting home. We even teased back and forth about whether or not he was going to tackle mowing the yard later this week. So I felt pretty good about it, until he asked me about my son, his grandson. Yeah, he thought he was talking to the step-daughter, and has us confused again. That happened several times in the hospital. So I know he's still got some real confusion going on.
I've seen four showings have happened for the house, which went up on the market like the day before I went to Memphis. I hope it sells quickly, but don't really have the energy to do much about it right now.
I have several teaching things coming up soon. We got asked to teach a BladePlay 101 class this Saturday, to fill in an empty spot on the club's teaching schedule. So we'll scramble just a little tonight to get that ready. It'll be fine. It's time to teach Kink 101 again soon. I meant to do it in late May or early June. I'm looking at late July now. But I finally messaged the venue about that to see what their schedule looks like. I also submitted to teach Kink 101 at Akai-Con again, like we did last year. And Dungeon 101 is next Wednesday.
So that means that this weekend is my 'public face' weekend. I need to be all Welcome-Wagon on Friday for the Munch, then I'm teaching on Saturday, then I'm teaching on Wednesday. I really don't feel like being friendly and welcoming and authoritative right now. I want to be depressed and petty and selfish. But once each thing starts, I'll snap into role and it'll be fine. And that's probably good for me, just not what I want right now.
So that brings me back to answering the question "How is your dad?" A lot of the kink folks know that I went out of town to see him, too. It seems a little crass to answer, "He's dying." But it's the truth. And I don't feel like softening it for their comfort. It's an uncomfortable question, and an uncomfortable answer to match. Because my Dad is dying. I'll make it through, and I'm more okay than a lot of people would be at this point. But I'm not happy. And I need to go ahead and focus on other things that I'm doing.
So if you see me, don't feel like you have to ask about my dad. An extra hug would be welcome, though.
My dad's gone home from the hospital. I'll call later today to find out how the adjustment is going. But yesterday he said he felt better than he had in months and was really looking forward to getting home. We even teased back and forth about whether or not he was going to tackle mowing the yard later this week. So I felt pretty good about it, until he asked me about my son, his grandson. Yeah, he thought he was talking to the step-daughter, and has us confused again. That happened several times in the hospital. So I know he's still got some real confusion going on.
I've seen four showings have happened for the house, which went up on the market like the day before I went to Memphis. I hope it sells quickly, but don't really have the energy to do much about it right now.
I have several teaching things coming up soon. We got asked to teach a BladePlay 101 class this Saturday, to fill in an empty spot on the club's teaching schedule. So we'll scramble just a little tonight to get that ready. It'll be fine. It's time to teach Kink 101 again soon. I meant to do it in late May or early June. I'm looking at late July now. But I finally messaged the venue about that to see what their schedule looks like. I also submitted to teach Kink 101 at Akai-Con again, like we did last year. And Dungeon 101 is next Wednesday.
So that means that this weekend is my 'public face' weekend. I need to be all Welcome-Wagon on Friday for the Munch, then I'm teaching on Saturday, then I'm teaching on Wednesday. I really don't feel like being friendly and welcoming and authoritative right now. I want to be depressed and petty and selfish. But once each thing starts, I'll snap into role and it'll be fine. And that's probably good for me, just not what I want right now.
So that brings me back to answering the question "How is your dad?" A lot of the kink folks know that I went out of town to see him, too. It seems a little crass to answer, "He's dying." But it's the truth. And I don't feel like softening it for their comfort. It's an uncomfortable question, and an uncomfortable answer to match. Because my Dad is dying. I'll make it through, and I'm more okay than a lot of people would be at this point. But I'm not happy. And I need to go ahead and focus on other things that I'm doing.
So if you see me, don't feel like you have to ask about my dad. An extra hug would be welcome, though.
Friday, March 7, 2014
Big Things Happening [Me]
I'm being poked at to blog. Because I haven't. Because I have too much to say. Today may be a bad day for it, because I'm fighting off a 'depressed'. I'm really in need of some non-sexual skin-contact cuddling and petting. Just comfort, really. I think it's because I am just overwhelmed with so many things that I need to do and get done.
Let's see, the little stuff first.
My birthday was last week, and Kiara/Paul's is next week. The body was born February 26, and all the adults in the system are fine claiming that as their birthday. Kiara claims March 11 as her birthday, and invited Paul to share it, so the kids have their own birthday, two weeks after mine.
The 2nd anniversary of my collaring to Boss was last week, also. We didn't celebrate quite the way we intended. We were going to do a scene with needles (yuck) the Saturday before, but we were waiting for late in the evening. So early in the evening, Kiara asked Boss for a little spanking. It started out well, but he thought she had switched out and escalated. She hadn't switched out, so she ended up mad at him, and put us both off-balance. We didn't recover from it that evening, so we just went home early. We did make up the scene the next weekend.
My work's being a little crazy. They fired 17 people all at once about a month ago. I was part of a two-person helpdesk, and the other person was one of the Seventeen. So I'm now on-call 24/7 as the only person on the Helpdesk, and I'm scrambling a little trying to figure out some of the things that the other girl did and I don't really know how to do. We're still fiddling with how things work now, so there's some unsureness going on there.
My daughter passed through town going to a conference, and will be coming back through on Sunday headed back. This is good, but extra hassle trying to figure scheduling and sleeping arrangements and such.
I've been having a lot of doctor-health-stuff lately, as you probably read in earlier blogs. Which also means extra money issues. I got billed an extra $400 for the liver biopsy over and above what they told me. I went back to the gastroenterologist to get HepA & B vaccinations, and soon will be going to an hematologist to have blood drawn regularly to get my ferritin levels down.
And the big stuff. We're moving. We found a house that we all four like. Yeah, that's great stuff, not depressing stuff. But what comes along with it are money stresses (as we pay for three places to live for the next month), lists of things to do, packing & unpacking, getting utilities transferred and movers booked, and all other kinds of stuff to make it happen. So I'm excited, but flooded with Stuff To Do. And of course, because I am who I am, I feel like every little piece of it is my responsibility. Even though there are three other adults involved.
And because I'm feeling overwhelmed and a bit depressed, my mind is attributing motivations to other people's actions that are probably completely made up. Like MK has cancelled on a couple of nights to come over and hang out. I feel like he's avoiding me, right when I really need some cuddling. Of course, the logical part of my brain mentions the fact that he's probably really really busy at work, as evidenced by his getting home from work at like 8pm each night. I know, because that's when he's texting me that he just got home and doesn't feel like coming over. But yeah, feels like he's just not interested - because I'm stressed - not his fault.
So yeah, lots of good things happening, but just stressed out about it all. Birthdays (one down and one more to go). Anniversaries (we beat the two-year expiration point!). Work (I'm the one who stayed, not the one who got fired). Getting to see the Girl - twice! Health stuff - no hemochromatosis. Found a house to live together (lots of stuff to do).
Let's see, the little stuff first.
My birthday was last week, and Kiara/Paul's is next week. The body was born February 26, and all the adults in the system are fine claiming that as their birthday. Kiara claims March 11 as her birthday, and invited Paul to share it, so the kids have their own birthday, two weeks after mine.
The 2nd anniversary of my collaring to Boss was last week, also. We didn't celebrate quite the way we intended. We were going to do a scene with needles (yuck) the Saturday before, but we were waiting for late in the evening. So early in the evening, Kiara asked Boss for a little spanking. It started out well, but he thought she had switched out and escalated. She hadn't switched out, so she ended up mad at him, and put us both off-balance. We didn't recover from it that evening, so we just went home early. We did make up the scene the next weekend.
My work's being a little crazy. They fired 17 people all at once about a month ago. I was part of a two-person helpdesk, and the other person was one of the Seventeen. So I'm now on-call 24/7 as the only person on the Helpdesk, and I'm scrambling a little trying to figure out some of the things that the other girl did and I don't really know how to do. We're still fiddling with how things work now, so there's some unsureness going on there.
My daughter passed through town going to a conference, and will be coming back through on Sunday headed back. This is good, but extra hassle trying to figure scheduling and sleeping arrangements and such.
I've been having a lot of doctor-health-stuff lately, as you probably read in earlier blogs. Which also means extra money issues. I got billed an extra $400 for the liver biopsy over and above what they told me. I went back to the gastroenterologist to get HepA & B vaccinations, and soon will be going to an hematologist to have blood drawn regularly to get my ferritin levels down.
And the big stuff. We're moving. We found a house that we all four like. Yeah, that's great stuff, not depressing stuff. But what comes along with it are money stresses (as we pay for three places to live for the next month), lists of things to do, packing & unpacking, getting utilities transferred and movers booked, and all other kinds of stuff to make it happen. So I'm excited, but flooded with Stuff To Do. And of course, because I am who I am, I feel like every little piece of it is my responsibility. Even though there are three other adults involved.
And because I'm feeling overwhelmed and a bit depressed, my mind is attributing motivations to other people's actions that are probably completely made up. Like MK has cancelled on a couple of nights to come over and hang out. I feel like he's avoiding me, right when I really need some cuddling. Of course, the logical part of my brain mentions the fact that he's probably really really busy at work, as evidenced by his getting home from work at like 8pm each night. I know, because that's when he's texting me that he just got home and doesn't feel like coming over. But yeah, feels like he's just not interested - because I'm stressed - not his fault.
So yeah, lots of good things happening, but just stressed out about it all. Birthdays (one down and one more to go). Anniversaries (we beat the two-year expiration point!). Work (I'm the one who stayed, not the one who got fired). Getting to see the Girl - twice! Health stuff - no hemochromatosis. Found a house to live together (lots of stuff to do).
Friday, December 28, 2012
The Holidays Are Always Hard [Me]
I think the holiday season is always hard for everyone. You've got to buy presents without enough money, schedule get-togethers without enough time, and visit all those relatives that you tend to avoid during the rest of the year. We're all stressed during the holidays, whether about money, time, relatives, or some awful combination of the above. Added to that, we hit the shortest days of the year, and the weather suddenly turns cold. It's dark and wet and dreary all the time. There's all kinds of work deadlines to catch up to, and now people pressure you to think about resolutions for next year. No wonder we're all cranky and depressed during the holidays.
Over the last dozen holiday seasons, I spent seven or eight of them working on a stage version of A Christmas Carol. Which means from the beginning of October until mid-December, I was Christmassing very hard. By the time the show closed and the actual holiday came about, I just wanted it to be over. The other years, well, I was still a single mom with a little girl to buy presents for - money stresses and trying not to fight with her father over scheduling ruled a lot of my holidays.
The last couple of years, I was driving back-and-forth up to Kentucky to get my daughter, move her out of her dorm, visit my parents, move her back in the dorm, and try to help everyone get everywhere they were supposed to be. Not only did I not have the money for presents, but I needed to buy lots of gas, too! Add to that, every year I tend to get really sick either on Thanksgiving Day or Christmas Day - like, can't open presents or get out of bed long enough to eat a meal kind of sick. So health and money have been major stressors.
This year, things weren't so bad. The new job means I have more cash than I'm accustomed to, so early in the season, I spent some quiet hours at work buying presents. The real trick was saving them for Christmas instead of giving them out immediately. So my money situation is much, much better than usual. And my fantastic daughter managed her own ride from her dorm to home, and she didn't have to move out-and-in her dorm, so that saved me a couple of days of driving and lots of gas money. We even have a scheme for getting her back that will combine with visiting family, and not as much driving as taking her back myself.
I didn't sign on for any big projects this year, either. No haunted house, no holiday plays, nothing. So I have the time and energy to visit and do things - and relax some, too. And we figured out one cause of the getting sick every year - I'm allergic to the cinnamon scent that's in all the Christmas potpourri and stuff. By buying my gifts online, I've avoided the stuff in stores that makes me sick every year.
So the only thing left from above is fighting with the ex. Well, the kid's an adult now, and she's finally starting to stand up for herself with him. Which means I'm not interacting with him at all. In fact, her boyfriend is supporting her in that more than I am. I'm pretty pleased with him; he seems to be a good guy.
So yeah, all the normal Christmas stress stuff is pretty okay for me this year. I haven't stressed much about it at all. The weather's been mild, and I've spent lots of time with the people who are actually important to me. And some time resting and relaxing. Not that we haven't had ANY issues. There's always something, isn't there? Boss is searching for a job; his could end at any time. The metamour has on-again, off-again health issues - but more good days than bad, lately, I think.
Kiara still seems to be mourning Bear. But we're headed to his house tonight for gaming, and we went to a Yule party at his house. We're trying to figure out how to relate with him now. And we'll get there. For now, Sam seems to be best at interacting with him. She was never that attached to him. But Kiara came out for presents on Christmas, and she got several.
Paul got several Christmas presents specifically for him, too. He's had some rough times working through how his system interacts with Boss lately, and we weren't sure he would even come to front for Christmas. But he did, and now he and Boss are starting to work things out again, carefully figuring out how things work.
Gracelyn also took a period of being missing. But not because she was upset; just because she didn't feel that she was all that needed. She's always been mostly background, sometimes moreso than others. Boss has been on vacation from his job, so she hasn't been out to drive to and from work with him, as we carpool. When we drive alone, it's usually me or Sam driving. Silent One has also been much quieter lately, but it did come out the other night, and it was a very calm event.
Stephanie is continuing to show up, and less likely to 'go blank', taking the body into a disconnected state. Cherish hasn't been out much, though. There's another slave to take some of her being. But when she is out, she has a lot more confidence, even a hint of a sense of humor. I'd like to see her out more.
Rubi has had a few opportunities for topping lately, and has had a couple of serious play sessions as a bottom. She doesn't seem to miss Bear as much as I expected, or maybe she's just biding her time? I feel like her complacency may be temporary, so I'd like to have her a regular play partner again. But it's probably a good thing, health-wise, that we aren't having as many heavy play scenes lately. And Sam's getting more play now, instead.
Over the last dozen holiday seasons, I spent seven or eight of them working on a stage version of A Christmas Carol. Which means from the beginning of October until mid-December, I was Christmassing very hard. By the time the show closed and the actual holiday came about, I just wanted it to be over. The other years, well, I was still a single mom with a little girl to buy presents for - money stresses and trying not to fight with her father over scheduling ruled a lot of my holidays.
The last couple of years, I was driving back-and-forth up to Kentucky to get my daughter, move her out of her dorm, visit my parents, move her back in the dorm, and try to help everyone get everywhere they were supposed to be. Not only did I not have the money for presents, but I needed to buy lots of gas, too! Add to that, every year I tend to get really sick either on Thanksgiving Day or Christmas Day - like, can't open presents or get out of bed long enough to eat a meal kind of sick. So health and money have been major stressors.
This year, things weren't so bad. The new job means I have more cash than I'm accustomed to, so early in the season, I spent some quiet hours at work buying presents. The real trick was saving them for Christmas instead of giving them out immediately. So my money situation is much, much better than usual. And my fantastic daughter managed her own ride from her dorm to home, and she didn't have to move out-and-in her dorm, so that saved me a couple of days of driving and lots of gas money. We even have a scheme for getting her back that will combine with visiting family, and not as much driving as taking her back myself.
I didn't sign on for any big projects this year, either. No haunted house, no holiday plays, nothing. So I have the time and energy to visit and do things - and relax some, too. And we figured out one cause of the getting sick every year - I'm allergic to the cinnamon scent that's in all the Christmas potpourri and stuff. By buying my gifts online, I've avoided the stuff in stores that makes me sick every year.
So the only thing left from above is fighting with the ex. Well, the kid's an adult now, and she's finally starting to stand up for herself with him. Which means I'm not interacting with him at all. In fact, her boyfriend is supporting her in that more than I am. I'm pretty pleased with him; he seems to be a good guy.
So yeah, all the normal Christmas stress stuff is pretty okay for me this year. I haven't stressed much about it at all. The weather's been mild, and I've spent lots of time with the people who are actually important to me. And some time resting and relaxing. Not that we haven't had ANY issues. There's always something, isn't there? Boss is searching for a job; his could end at any time. The metamour has on-again, off-again health issues - but more good days than bad, lately, I think.
Kiara still seems to be mourning Bear. But we're headed to his house tonight for gaming, and we went to a Yule party at his house. We're trying to figure out how to relate with him now. And we'll get there. For now, Sam seems to be best at interacting with him. She was never that attached to him. But Kiara came out for presents on Christmas, and she got several.
Paul got several Christmas presents specifically for him, too. He's had some rough times working through how his system interacts with Boss lately, and we weren't sure he would even come to front for Christmas. But he did, and now he and Boss are starting to work things out again, carefully figuring out how things work.
Gracelyn also took a period of being missing. But not because she was upset; just because she didn't feel that she was all that needed. She's always been mostly background, sometimes moreso than others. Boss has been on vacation from his job, so she hasn't been out to drive to and from work with him, as we carpool. When we drive alone, it's usually me or Sam driving. Silent One has also been much quieter lately, but it did come out the other night, and it was a very calm event.
Stephanie is continuing to show up, and less likely to 'go blank', taking the body into a disconnected state. Cherish hasn't been out much, though. There's another slave to take some of her being. But when she is out, she has a lot more confidence, even a hint of a sense of humor. I'd like to see her out more.
Rubi has had a few opportunities for topping lately, and has had a couple of serious play sessions as a bottom. She doesn't seem to miss Bear as much as I expected, or maybe she's just biding her time? I feel like her complacency may be temporary, so I'd like to have her a regular play partner again. But it's probably a good thing, health-wise, that we aren't having as many heavy play scenes lately. And Sam's getting more play now, instead.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Out at Work as Poly [Me]
I have taken a semi-irrevocable step. My company has a Holiday Party coming up soon, and we were requested to RSVP along with the name of our significant other if they will be joining us at the party. I requested that I be allowed to RSVP for three, and included the names of both of my partners, Boss and my metamour both. That was several days ago.
Today I got called into the HR manager's office. The RSVP was forwarded to him to deal with. Now, his great concern was that, should I bring two significant others to a party, I would certainly be outed to everyone at work. And people will talk, as they do. I reassured him that I had spoken openly about being poly with several people that work with me already, as it had come up in conversation. And that I am comfortable being openly who and what I am. So now he gets to discuss with the executive team what the company policy might be for attendance at company events. Is it 'employee and significant other(s)', or 'employee and one guest'? He'll get back with me.
The largest concern we, as a family, have with this is not that I am being open about being polyamorous at work. I have few concerns there. The bigger concern is that Boss has applied for a couple of jobs there, and this could color their decision on whether or not to hire him. I've spoken with Boss about it before, though, knowing that it would mean he would be openly poly if he got hired there. Though of course there is concern around the uncertainty of how that might affect his work life, should he get hired, I think we found some comfort in the fact that it doesn't seem to have affected my treatment here at work at all.
The other issue with this is that the company has never had both parts of a couple working for the company before, either. The jobs he is applying for would not put us in the same chain of command, so I don't really see that being an issue. But either way, HR has to talk to the execs about me and decide what company policies are before they deal with his application to work here. So the Holiday Party thing might be jump-starting that a little bit.
Today I got called into the HR manager's office. The RSVP was forwarded to him to deal with. Now, his great concern was that, should I bring two significant others to a party, I would certainly be outed to everyone at work. And people will talk, as they do. I reassured him that I had spoken openly about being poly with several people that work with me already, as it had come up in conversation. And that I am comfortable being openly who and what I am. So now he gets to discuss with the executive team what the company policy might be for attendance at company events. Is it 'employee and significant other(s)', or 'employee and one guest'? He'll get back with me.
The largest concern we, as a family, have with this is not that I am being open about being polyamorous at work. I have few concerns there. The bigger concern is that Boss has applied for a couple of jobs there, and this could color their decision on whether or not to hire him. I've spoken with Boss about it before, though, knowing that it would mean he would be openly poly if he got hired there. Though of course there is concern around the uncertainty of how that might affect his work life, should he get hired, I think we found some comfort in the fact that it doesn't seem to have affected my treatment here at work at all.
The other issue with this is that the company has never had both parts of a couple working for the company before, either. The jobs he is applying for would not put us in the same chain of command, so I don't really see that being an issue. But either way, HR has to talk to the execs about me and decide what company policies are before they deal with his application to work here. So the Holiday Party thing might be jump-starting that a little bit.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Not So Down Anymore [Me]
I've swung back 'up' from my down earlier this month. Granted, some of that has involved a bit of retail therapy - I have a kindle! And a few other things on the way, like some tribbles and new sheets. Part of it is getting a couple of paychecks in my account from the new job and having more breathing room than I'm used to. And I'm actually starting to do a little work, so I don't feel completely useless anymore.
We're settling into the reorganized grouping now. Eight is just more comfortable than ten. Gracelyn is out more and has more purpose than either Grace or Lynn ever had, and we're not struggling with Jarett's inability to fit into this world. The Boss is, however. His alter Rachel didn't take the news well that Jarett was going dormant. We're still working through that.
BUT, the Boss is now blogging, too! He's writing occasionally, like me, just to work through what's going on. It sounds like I'll get to know another alter or two or his soon, which is interesting.
We're settling into the reorganized grouping now. Eight is just more comfortable than ten. Gracelyn is out more and has more purpose than either Grace or Lynn ever had, and we're not struggling with Jarett's inability to fit into this world. The Boss is, however. His alter Rachel didn't take the news well that Jarett was going dormant. We're still working through that.
BUT, the Boss is now blogging, too! He's writing occasionally, like me, just to work through what's going on. It sounds like I'll get to know another alter or two or his soon, which is interesting.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
New Job [Me]
You'll never guess what I've been doing in the last couple of weeks since I posted. Okay, most of my readers will, because they've seen me comment on it elsewhere. I started a new job! This is huge for me, because changing jobs is not something I do frequently. My last two jobs covered fifteen years - six for one, and nine-and-a-half for the other.
And I wasn't really looking for a job when I got this one. A friend of mine said, "Hey, send me a resume, would you?", so I did. Then I got a call asking if I could talk on the phone to his boss. Then I got a call to come in for an interview - a two-and-a-half-hour interview! Then, a job offer, and a 'Can you start in two weeks?' So I suddenly had to say goodbye to the people I'd seen every day for nearly ten years.
After all, I was never going anywhere with the old job. I had been sitting at the same desk doing the same job for over nine years; there wasn't any reason to think that might change in the next nine. My relationship with my boss was based on tolerating one another; she wasn't interested in helping me get higher, but I was too good at the job to try to get rid of. The pay, while a little shy of competitive when I landed the job, didn't even keep up with cost of living when it came to raises; this late in the game it was obvious I was not making a decent amount of money ever without a job change.
There are things that terrify me about changing jobs. Mostly and Number One, though, it's the annoyance of not having a clue what I'm doing. I have a pretty strong drive related to competence. I like to be the one that always knows what she's doing. Even if I mess up, it's because I was simply doing too much, or at least I know enough to fix the mistake. People ask me for help, not the other way around. So now I'm completely useless in this new job, so far. I have to learn everything. And I'm not being at all productive when it comes to getting anything done. I can't answer the phone - I don't know how to get the calls to come to my phone anyway - because I don't know the answer to any possible question someone might ask me. Okay, I could transfer them to another extension, if they ask for that one - that I have figured out.
So now it's like being in school again, except more self-guided. I'm waiting for a new training class to start, so in the meantime I'm just trying to educate myself mostly, with occasional hints and guidance from my lead. I'm getting to know the people at the new office. I'm getting login information on all the new systems. And I'm doing lots of websurfing. You'd think I'd be doing more blogging, but I've been struggling with feeling like it. However, here I am.
There are some neat things about the new job, aside from a lot better pay. Free sodas and lots of company-provided food. I'm not in a warren of cubicles any more; I'm seeing sunlight and weather and peoples' faces a lot more. There are all kinds of places to eat pretty close. I'm getting to carpool to and from work with the Boss; that's pretty nice. And I have Saturdays off instead of Mondays - that one's a mixed blessing. Another mixed one is that I'm working 9-6 instead of 7-4. So my evenings are pretty much about getting supper and then it's time for bed. But I'm getting to sleep in a little bit later, which is nice.
So once I start actually working for the nice heftier paychecks, we'll see how good I can be at the job. For now, I'm enjoying just coasting along in a new environment.
And I wasn't really looking for a job when I got this one. A friend of mine said, "Hey, send me a resume, would you?", so I did. Then I got a call asking if I could talk on the phone to his boss. Then I got a call to come in for an interview - a two-and-a-half-hour interview! Then, a job offer, and a 'Can you start in two weeks?' So I suddenly had to say goodbye to the people I'd seen every day for nearly ten years.
After all, I was never going anywhere with the old job. I had been sitting at the same desk doing the same job for over nine years; there wasn't any reason to think that might change in the next nine. My relationship with my boss was based on tolerating one another; she wasn't interested in helping me get higher, but I was too good at the job to try to get rid of. The pay, while a little shy of competitive when I landed the job, didn't even keep up with cost of living when it came to raises; this late in the game it was obvious I was not making a decent amount of money ever without a job change.
There are things that terrify me about changing jobs. Mostly and Number One, though, it's the annoyance of not having a clue what I'm doing. I have a pretty strong drive related to competence. I like to be the one that always knows what she's doing. Even if I mess up, it's because I was simply doing too much, or at least I know enough to fix the mistake. People ask me for help, not the other way around. So now I'm completely useless in this new job, so far. I have to learn everything. And I'm not being at all productive when it comes to getting anything done. I can't answer the phone - I don't know how to get the calls to come to my phone anyway - because I don't know the answer to any possible question someone might ask me. Okay, I could transfer them to another extension, if they ask for that one - that I have figured out.
So now it's like being in school again, except more self-guided. I'm waiting for a new training class to start, so in the meantime I'm just trying to educate myself mostly, with occasional hints and guidance from my lead. I'm getting to know the people at the new office. I'm getting login information on all the new systems. And I'm doing lots of websurfing. You'd think I'd be doing more blogging, but I've been struggling with feeling like it. However, here I am.
There are some neat things about the new job, aside from a lot better pay. Free sodas and lots of company-provided food. I'm not in a warren of cubicles any more; I'm seeing sunlight and weather and peoples' faces a lot more. There are all kinds of places to eat pretty close. I'm getting to carpool to and from work with the Boss; that's pretty nice. And I have Saturdays off instead of Mondays - that one's a mixed blessing. Another mixed one is that I'm working 9-6 instead of 7-4. So my evenings are pretty much about getting supper and then it's time for bed. But I'm getting to sleep in a little bit later, which is nice.
So once I start actually working for the nice heftier paychecks, we'll see how good I can be at the job. For now, I'm enjoying just coasting along in a new environment.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
I Quit! [Me]
Forgive me, Blogger, for I have lapsed... It's been two weeks since my last posting...
Augh. I don't want to be one of those people who start every post with an apology for not writing in such a long time. After all, there's no set schedule for this sort of thing. And although I have readers (thank you), this is really for me, for us. So who am I apologizing to?
Anyway, it has been an eventful couple of weeks. The main thing going on? I got an offer for a new job, and accepted it. This has created a lot of turmoil for me. Not bad turmoil, but lots of busy-thinking and things to do.
In fifteen years, I've only had two 'real' jobs. I've had the odd extra job here and there, like some teaching and the haunted house, but only two full-time ongoing jobs. The first, I searched down and got when I was looking for something to serve as an internship for my management degree. I managed a repair shop for six years. When I was close to graduating with my networking degree, my boss there managed to find a great person to replace me who was available right then, so he pushed me out of the nest (thank, Dad) to go on unemployment while I doubled up my classes and got done. That gave me a new job search - and my school helped with that, and ended up giving me the lead for the job I'm in now. I got that job, and I've been here for nine and a half years. And without an outside impetus, I wasn't really looking to change that.
And then a friend asked me for a resume, just to see if I fit for a job coming up at his place. I put it off, but I finally got my info together and updated my information and sent it to him. Next thing I know, I have an offer. And it's a good one. I really couldn't come up with any good reason not to take it.
Notice I said there were no good reasons. I had reasons, but they were all whiny ones that I certainly wouldn't accept from anyone else. The commute is going to be much more of a pain. Instead of working around the corner from the house (less than five miles), I'll be crossing town during rush hour - just like everyone else. Where I'm at is safe and secure - and boring and going nowhere. I hate learning an entire new job and feeling like I don't have a clue - and I'll get over that as I learn.
And there are plenty of good reasons to take the new job. The money's a lot better - with the potential of actual raises and stuff in the future. Heck, there might even be possibilities of promotions and stuff. Did I mention that I'm doing the same job and sitting in the same cubicle now that I was in nine-and-a-half years ago? I really like the ideals behind the product that I'll be supporting - it's a good thing. I'll still be doing tech support, but my clients will be much better-educated folks. The hours will be better - I might start sleeping a bit more, and I'll have Saturdays off.
So anyway, I took the job. And today marks the first of my last five days at the old job. I've been packing up my stuff, saying my goodbyes, and finishing up everything I can so I don't leave a lot of work for other people to pick up. I'm going to have four days off - a long weekend mini-vacation - before starting the new job.
So there are things going on with us, multi-wise, but I really just haven't had a lot of time to talk about them. Trust me, I will, soon.
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