Catching up again. I keep catching up so that I can then post about something I want to talk about, but I don't seem to get past the catching up. Maybe this time?
No big changes in my head. Sam and Rubi came out to play at the club this past weekend (I'm finally healthy enough to play reasonably again!), and Paul and Kiara come out from time to time, though not nearly as much as they used to. Glass is still there in the background, and that seems to be it.
The dental work is done - I had two teeth pulled, and I've recovered from that. MK has been having some dental work too, and he's about done - including two teeth pulled. Boss started his new job, and once the health benefits kick in, he can get his dental work done.
One reason that we've been able to get the dental stuff worked on is that there is more money in the household, because I SOLD THE HOUSE! After almost a year on the market, I'm no longer paying a mortgage on a house I don't live in. That's had a lot of trickle-down effects on us. First, the money to do the dental work. Second, my daughter lost her place to stay, so she's camping at our house, in Paul and Kiara's room upstairs. That could be contributing to their being out less, maybe? I don't know. Third, we've rebalanced how much money each of us is contributing to the Household pot. Which means Boss gets some fiscal relief, too.
He'll need the extra money to buy a car before long. He's driving my truck for now to the new job, which seems to be working out just fine. It does mean he leaves much earlier in the day and comes home later, and I don't get to carpool with him. That's taken away some 'together-time' that we really could use. We're still struggling to redefine our relationship without a collar involved, as well as our/the three of us relationship.
Metamour is still working on getting out. She thought she had a job, but then spent a week in the hospital and had surgery and all. She's recovering well, and should be much healthier than she has been, but the initial job is now unsuitable for her. The first goal was for her to move out by the first of April, and she hasn't, but we didn't really expect to make that goal. She is doing a lot of searching for jobs and apartments, however, and seems to be genuinely trying.
The biggest worry I have right now is MK. Boss and I are arguing a good bit, and because of that I'm focusing a lot on trying to fix some of those issues, and in the meantime I'm ignoring MK way more than is fair. However, the fights Boss and I are having are more airing of grievances between equals than they were before, and I feel like we're struggling instead of just plain failing. I'm not as depressed, just frustrated. The good side of the relationship stuff is that MK and Boss and I are all going out as a group of three more often. Usually to the movies, but that usually means a meal before or after as well. I do find that encouraging.
I think that as Metamour does eventually get moved out, and my daughter gets a place of her own, the three of us are beginning to have a chance to work. So I'm still feeling hopeful overall, even if I have moments of feeling doomed and failing.
Showing posts with label poly. Show all posts
Showing posts with label poly. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Monday, February 9, 2015
Resolutions, Not the New Years Kind (Me)
It's time to catch my readers up on what's going on. There are a number of situations that have impacted us lately that all seem to have been resolved or moving quickly toward a resolution. I feel like things are going to start getting better from this point on. Here's hoping.
Glass seems to be sticking around, but just in the background. Paul and Kiara have both been out a little bit lately; not back to normal, but enough that I'm not worried about them. Sam and Rubi haven't really been out, but I can hear them around inside. So we're back to six people for now.
I'm still dealing with dental work. We made two attempts at the root canal, and couldn't get it through. So we're having the tooth pulled, along with another that was slated for extraction. That'll be this Friday, and then that should be the end of things going on with my teeth, I hope.
I mentioned before that Boss lost his job about a month ago. There were a couple of jobs out of town that he was looking at; and I had already decided I wasn't willing to move out of town if he took them. So we were scared that the job thing was going to force us to break up. Well, last Friday he accepted a new job, and it's in town. So all the stress that goes with unemployment is handled. There may be a week or two break in the income stream, but we've already prepared for that.
Now, this means that Boss is going to need a car. I have a second vehicle, a truck, but my daughter has been driving it. Well, she bought a car this weekend, so we'll have the truck back. It's not a good choice for Boss to drive to/from work forever, but it'll do just fine for a while. Timing sometimes works out really well.
As part of the discussions about out-of-town jobs, MK and I talked a lot about whether he and I and Boss were a viable relationship. Even if Boss took a job in town, all of us splitting up and moving out separately was an option we were looking at. And we had to wait for a job to be picked up before we could really make any decisions. The three of us have decided to keep pushing to make things work. Knowing that we are all three committed to that really eases my mind and gives me some hope that we can succeed. I'm feeling pretty good about things in that realm now.
Part of what we have to work on is the change in my relationship with Boss. A few weeks back, just before the job loss was announced, I think, I decided I could no longer wear Boss's collar. I have tried to be his submissive, but I felt like I was failing at it all the time. I think part of that comes from losing Cherish and Stephanie, and even Gracelyn. So we are going to try being boyfriend and girlfriend (and boyfriend) instead. This is new territory for us, but hopefully this will turn into something where we all feel like we're succeeding more.
Now, I did say the three of us, and there are four people in our family. It's been decided that the Metamour will be transitioning out of our household over the next few months. That relationship has just not proved to be salvageable, so we're working on changing that. So now she's doing the job search thing, and trying to plan out what she's going to be doing instead. That has the potential to turn into a lot of stress in the household, but we're all going to help her as much as we can reasonably do so.
Oh, and I'm finally over the Yearly Ick. With all the situations beginning to resolve, the despair and hopelessness and depression is lifting. So things are looking up, and I think they'll continue to do so.
Glass seems to be sticking around, but just in the background. Paul and Kiara have both been out a little bit lately; not back to normal, but enough that I'm not worried about them. Sam and Rubi haven't really been out, but I can hear them around inside. So we're back to six people for now.
I'm still dealing with dental work. We made two attempts at the root canal, and couldn't get it through. So we're having the tooth pulled, along with another that was slated for extraction. That'll be this Friday, and then that should be the end of things going on with my teeth, I hope.
I mentioned before that Boss lost his job about a month ago. There were a couple of jobs out of town that he was looking at; and I had already decided I wasn't willing to move out of town if he took them. So we were scared that the job thing was going to force us to break up. Well, last Friday he accepted a new job, and it's in town. So all the stress that goes with unemployment is handled. There may be a week or two break in the income stream, but we've already prepared for that.
Now, this means that Boss is going to need a car. I have a second vehicle, a truck, but my daughter has been driving it. Well, she bought a car this weekend, so we'll have the truck back. It's not a good choice for Boss to drive to/from work forever, but it'll do just fine for a while. Timing sometimes works out really well.
As part of the discussions about out-of-town jobs, MK and I talked a lot about whether he and I and Boss were a viable relationship. Even if Boss took a job in town, all of us splitting up and moving out separately was an option we were looking at. And we had to wait for a job to be picked up before we could really make any decisions. The three of us have decided to keep pushing to make things work. Knowing that we are all three committed to that really eases my mind and gives me some hope that we can succeed. I'm feeling pretty good about things in that realm now.
Part of what we have to work on is the change in my relationship with Boss. A few weeks back, just before the job loss was announced, I think, I decided I could no longer wear Boss's collar. I have tried to be his submissive, but I felt like I was failing at it all the time. I think part of that comes from losing Cherish and Stephanie, and even Gracelyn. So we are going to try being boyfriend and girlfriend (and boyfriend) instead. This is new territory for us, but hopefully this will turn into something where we all feel like we're succeeding more.
Now, I did say the three of us, and there are four people in our family. It's been decided that the Metamour will be transitioning out of our household over the next few months. That relationship has just not proved to be salvageable, so we're working on changing that. So now she's doing the job search thing, and trying to plan out what she's going to be doing instead. That has the potential to turn into a lot of stress in the household, but we're all going to help her as much as we can reasonably do so.
Oh, and I'm finally over the Yearly Ick. With all the situations beginning to resolve, the despair and hopelessness and depression is lifting. So things are looking up, and I think they'll continue to do so.
Saturday, December 20, 2014
Fighting Continues [Me]
There have been so many stresses lately. If I'm not fighting with boyfriend, I'm fighting with the other. Oddly enough, I almost never fight with the Metamour, even though she's technically the prickliest person in the house. Probably because I'm not having sex with her. She and I don't have any claims on one another's time, so we hang out when we're together, and we're fine when we aren't. Easiest relationship.
I wish my relationship with either Boss or MK were more like that. Easy, I mean. Spending time together when it works. Loving each other from afar when it doesn't. But in order to be 'fair' to everyone, we schedule time. And nobody likes the schedule. Boss doesn't want me away from him when I'm scheduled to be with MK. MK wants more time with me somewhere. I feel like I don't have any time to myself except when I sneak it away from someone else. Nobody's happy.
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Improving Slowly [Me]
Things are improving, though erratically. I feel like we're at least on an upward swing, finally. And by 'we', I mean the whole family, this time.
Last week I went out-of-state with MK to visit his mother. A thousand-mile trip through four states in five days. It was mostly a working vacation, as we emptied out some things he had in storage there and packed them up to bring home. But I got to spend some serious quality time with MK, something that I've felt has been lacking for a while now. We talked a lot, and I feel pretty secure in my relationship there.
I was dreading the homecoming from the trip. Boss and I had fought a lot the weekend before, when I had left. I didn't even get to say goodbye to him, either, as he left for work just minutes before I got up. Frustrating. I got a message from the Metamour during the trip that he was really flipping out and losing control, and he was finally breaking down enough to search for a therapist or a doctor or something. Unfortunately, that search is not going super-well, as the doctor of our choice is having to close up shop.
But when I got home, things were... good. He had come to some realizations. And he missed me. And I missed him. We had a good play-scene at the club, and actually talked and made up a bit. There wasn't a huge crash on Sunday, so we didn't have that usual fight. We just hung out, and I really appreciated it.
He's still searching for a doctor, but he did start on the anti-anxiety meds I'm on. And they seem to be making a difference, both for him and for me. They aren't strong, but they do seem to mellow things out a little, just enough to let me/him step back and see if it's worth being upset about.
That leaves the Metamour. She and Boss were a bit strained before I went out of state, but I think they must have talked some things out while I was gone, because they seem less stressed around each other now.
So yeah, it feels like there are some improvements in mood all around. There have been several showings of my house for sale. My daughter is coming home soon from her job - oh, and she did get to go see my Dad for a day, just before he got much worse. So that's a relief that she got to see him. I got back to work and nothing fell horribly apart while I was gone, but things were busy enough that I feel I was missed. Money is tight, but doable. I am hopeful.
Last week I went out-of-state with MK to visit his mother. A thousand-mile trip through four states in five days. It was mostly a working vacation, as we emptied out some things he had in storage there and packed them up to bring home. But I got to spend some serious quality time with MK, something that I've felt has been lacking for a while now. We talked a lot, and I feel pretty secure in my relationship there.
I was dreading the homecoming from the trip. Boss and I had fought a lot the weekend before, when I had left. I didn't even get to say goodbye to him, either, as he left for work just minutes before I got up. Frustrating. I got a message from the Metamour during the trip that he was really flipping out and losing control, and he was finally breaking down enough to search for a therapist or a doctor or something. Unfortunately, that search is not going super-well, as the doctor of our choice is having to close up shop.
But when I got home, things were... good. He had come to some realizations. And he missed me. And I missed him. We had a good play-scene at the club, and actually talked and made up a bit. There wasn't a huge crash on Sunday, so we didn't have that usual fight. We just hung out, and I really appreciated it.
He's still searching for a doctor, but he did start on the anti-anxiety meds I'm on. And they seem to be making a difference, both for him and for me. They aren't strong, but they do seem to mellow things out a little, just enough to let me/him step back and see if it's worth being upset about.
That leaves the Metamour. She and Boss were a bit strained before I went out of state, but I think they must have talked some things out while I was gone, because they seem less stressed around each other now.
So yeah, it feels like there are some improvements in mood all around. There have been several showings of my house for sale. My daughter is coming home soon from her job - oh, and she did get to go see my Dad for a day, just before he got much worse. So that's a relief that she got to see him. I got back to work and nothing fell horribly apart while I was gone, but things were busy enough that I feel I was missed. Money is tight, but doable. I am hopeful.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Coming Back Together [Me]
Relationships. I've been all over the place with them lately. I guess some closure of things I've brought up in past posts is the best place to start here.
Last fall, Boss and I were really shaky. There was a lot of hurt feelings, and not being sure what was going to happen. Some of that had to do with his jealousy of MK. Some of that came from just wanting my time and attention, but a lot of that had to do with one of his alters. There was also unease over MK wanting to date only me and a misunderstanding that he would be dating all of us. Things happened, and MK and Boss got to being really awkward around each other. All that led up to a huge temper tantrum where Boss removed my collar from me. I was hurt enough to consider moving out. And I wouldn't put it back on, which was not what he expected. That was in early December - you know, that great time of year when everyone is stressed and depressed.
Since then, Boss, Metamour, and I have been talking about our relationship. We've put together an agreement for our household and relationships we all have. Being poly and open means a lot of opportunities for miscommunication, so we've tried to narrow down some rules on how to keep everyone informed and happy.
After we finished covering that territory as a group of three, Boss and I had more conversations related to us specifically and the difference between being boyfriend/girlfriend versus my wearing his collar. There are a lot of emotions attached to that collar, and limits and rules that go along with it too. Long story short, we got to some agreement, and I put the collar back on this past weekend.
And with that settled enough, now I have things to talk to MK about. Pretty much the same conversations above, but I know the agreements we'll come to will look a lot different. But dealing with the house comes first.
As a trio, we've been getting close to another couple. But when everything in our household blew up, they had to be put aside for a while so we could take care of us first. Now we're about to start talking more to them about what kind of interrelationships we all want to have.
Okay, that's all the stuff up in the air. Here's what's coming up.
As MK gets his stuff cleaned up at the house, I'm putting the house up for sale. I want to get that out of my life.
Our lease (for me, Boss, Metamour) is up in April, and we are looking for a place big enough for not just the three of us, but MK. Yeah, we might all get to move in together. Wouldn't that be great? There are a lot of concerns about the two guys coming to live together, but in the long run, I think it will work out great. After all, Metamour and I really could not get to be friends with one another until we lived together. There were a couple of months to adjust, and now we're great friends.
There are a lot of reasons why all of us living together makes sense, and I'm really excited to see it coming closer. And I'm committed to making it work with both of my wonderful guys. And I know they'll both get to be better friends when they're around each other more. So the sooner the better, as far as I'm concerned. All we have to do is make the money stuff work out.
Last fall, Boss and I were really shaky. There was a lot of hurt feelings, and not being sure what was going to happen. Some of that had to do with his jealousy of MK. Some of that came from just wanting my time and attention, but a lot of that had to do with one of his alters. There was also unease over MK wanting to date only me and a misunderstanding that he would be dating all of us. Things happened, and MK and Boss got to being really awkward around each other. All that led up to a huge temper tantrum where Boss removed my collar from me. I was hurt enough to consider moving out. And I wouldn't put it back on, which was not what he expected. That was in early December - you know, that great time of year when everyone is stressed and depressed.
Since then, Boss, Metamour, and I have been talking about our relationship. We've put together an agreement for our household and relationships we all have. Being poly and open means a lot of opportunities for miscommunication, so we've tried to narrow down some rules on how to keep everyone informed and happy.
After we finished covering that territory as a group of three, Boss and I had more conversations related to us specifically and the difference between being boyfriend/girlfriend versus my wearing his collar. There are a lot of emotions attached to that collar, and limits and rules that go along with it too. Long story short, we got to some agreement, and I put the collar back on this past weekend.
And with that settled enough, now I have things to talk to MK about. Pretty much the same conversations above, but I know the agreements we'll come to will look a lot different. But dealing with the house comes first.
As a trio, we've been getting close to another couple. But when everything in our household blew up, they had to be put aside for a while so we could take care of us first. Now we're about to start talking more to them about what kind of interrelationships we all want to have.
Okay, that's all the stuff up in the air. Here's what's coming up.
As MK gets his stuff cleaned up at the house, I'm putting the house up for sale. I want to get that out of my life.
Our lease (for me, Boss, Metamour) is up in April, and we are looking for a place big enough for not just the three of us, but MK. Yeah, we might all get to move in together. Wouldn't that be great? There are a lot of concerns about the two guys coming to live together, but in the long run, I think it will work out great. After all, Metamour and I really could not get to be friends with one another until we lived together. There were a couple of months to adjust, and now we're great friends.
There are a lot of reasons why all of us living together makes sense, and I'm really excited to see it coming closer. And I'm committed to making it work with both of my wonderful guys. And I know they'll both get to be better friends when they're around each other more. So the sooner the better, as far as I'm concerned. All we have to do is make the money stuff work out.
Friday, January 3, 2014
Recap - Recovering [Me]
You may have noticed that I haven't posted in, well, weeks. One of my friends did - thanks, E. And I'm grateful that she said something. I mentioned early on that if I don't post for a while, it's probably because things are not going well, and I may need some encouragement. The last few weeks have been incredibly rough. And I still don't know how the situation is going to end, so I'm still feeling very shaky and uncertain. It's not a place I inhabit well, emotionally. I guess a recap would help you, the reader, at least. Boss and I have been fighting a lot over the last few months, for several reasons. And that's depressed to the point of withdrawing and internalizing a lot of what's going on. I don't share so well when I'm hurting.
Remember, Boss is also a multiple. One of his alters was coming out more and more. She had serious jealousy/possessiveness issues, especially where it comes to MK, my boyfriend. MK doesn't want to be 'our' boyfriend, as in dating everyone in the household (my system, Boss, and the Metamour). He wants to be my/our boyfriend, dating everyone in my system; he's only dating one body. Boss's female alter wanted MK to be dating her, also, and pushed herself on him, upsetting all three of us in the process. In a poly family, jealousy that isn't handled becomes a serious problem. But I can't offer that particular alter any alternate solution. She needs a dominant male to play with, and I'm never both of those at the same time. And she's very emotionally volatile, as teenage girls often are. So the more she was denied what she wanted, the more she was out, looking for what she needs. And the more I dealt with her, the more frustrated we all were.
Next issue - Boss has had a lot of stress building for work. His alter being a problem is causing a lot more. Fighting with me over jealousy issues meant he couldn't get comfort for me. So the stress built up more and more. Through some miscommunication of plans, and a jealous fit from his alter, he removed my collar. There wasn't a calm discussion, or even a rational decision; it was a temper tantrum, and there was no warning to me. I was completely furious, and felt betrayed and unwanted. It's like coming home to find your spouse has put your things outside and changed the locks. I pretty well broken for a little while.
We've been working through those two major issues for a while. We're still living together, as boyfriend/girlfriend, but I haven't put the collar back on; and I don't know if I'm going to be able to again. His female alter that was creating all the emotional turmoil has been muted a bit, and limited to a smaller role in his system. The rest of his system has come to some peace around jealousy issues, and the two guys are working on trying to be friends again, for my sake, if nothing else. The holidays are past, with their attendant stresses. And Boss's work deadline has been moved, making it less of a dead rush for him there.
Something that all this has brought to light is that we all three have some different ideas of what our household rules are, especially when it comes to relationships with people outside the three people that live in our apartment. So we're working on slowly coming to agreement on those rules and putting them in writing. It's a slow process, as we have to recover emotionally between bouts, and we all three have lots to say about, well, anything and everything.
Remember, Boss is also a multiple. One of his alters was coming out more and more. She had serious jealousy/possessiveness issues, especially where it comes to MK, my boyfriend. MK doesn't want to be 'our' boyfriend, as in dating everyone in the household (my system, Boss, and the Metamour). He wants to be my/our boyfriend, dating everyone in my system; he's only dating one body. Boss's female alter wanted MK to be dating her, also, and pushed herself on him, upsetting all three of us in the process. In a poly family, jealousy that isn't handled becomes a serious problem. But I can't offer that particular alter any alternate solution. She needs a dominant male to play with, and I'm never both of those at the same time. And she's very emotionally volatile, as teenage girls often are. So the more she was denied what she wanted, the more she was out, looking for what she needs. And the more I dealt with her, the more frustrated we all were.
Next issue - Boss has had a lot of stress building for work. His alter being a problem is causing a lot more. Fighting with me over jealousy issues meant he couldn't get comfort for me. So the stress built up more and more. Through some miscommunication of plans, and a jealous fit from his alter, he removed my collar. There wasn't a calm discussion, or even a rational decision; it was a temper tantrum, and there was no warning to me. I was completely furious, and felt betrayed and unwanted. It's like coming home to find your spouse has put your things outside and changed the locks. I pretty well broken for a little while.
We've been working through those two major issues for a while. We're still living together, as boyfriend/girlfriend, but I haven't put the collar back on; and I don't know if I'm going to be able to again. His female alter that was creating all the emotional turmoil has been muted a bit, and limited to a smaller role in his system. The rest of his system has come to some peace around jealousy issues, and the two guys are working on trying to be friends again, for my sake, if nothing else. The holidays are past, with their attendant stresses. And Boss's work deadline has been moved, making it less of a dead rush for him there.
Something that all this has brought to light is that we all three have some different ideas of what our household rules are, especially when it comes to relationships with people outside the three people that live in our apartment. So we're working on slowly coming to agreement on those rules and putting them in writing. It's a slow process, as we have to recover emotionally between bouts, and we all three have lots to say about, well, anything and everything.
Friday, September 13, 2013
Snippets [Me]
Life's been full of ups and downs lately. I don't have a big thing to type, so here's a few small things.
Yesterday I had a panic attack. Which I had never experienced before Paul showed up. And I was at work. So I went and hid in the bathroom for a little while, and did a mental check-in with the kids. It was weird, because it was the most clearly I had ever seen an interaction between me and other alters without working hard to do so. I was looking into Kiara's room from the doorway, and I could see her with some dolls - Barbies maybe? - in each hand, having them have a conversation. She was sitting in that weird way little kids have, sort of kneeling, but with legs splayed out to each side. She looked over her left shoulder at me and said, "Yeah, I'm just peachy." And went back to playing. Then I looked in on Paul. And I could both see him from my point of view and see me from his point of view. It was so unusually clear. I asked him if everything was good with him, and he gave me that teenager kind of sigh. "Yeah, fine," he said, and then shut the door slowly. So odd to see it that clearly.
One of the things I adore about the boyfriend is that he's very laissez-faire and accepting of quirks. Don't get me wrong, Boss is too, but the boyfriend even more so. The other day he came up to me while I was playing a game on the computer - just a stupid Facebook game, but I really hate interrupting things. And he waited for a minute until a good break to say whatever he had to say. And when I thanked him for it, he explained that for him, too, getting interrupted in something, even something kind of throwaway, is unpleasant. I wish I could remember how he phrased it; it came out so thoughtful and sweet.
I was bemoaning my laxity in posting lately - I know I've been neglecting my blog, but I haven't been in the mood. And I heard someone in my head, not one of the kids, go "We have a blog? Hey, we have a blog!" And since Rubi, Sam, Gracelyn, and Paul have all posted on the blog at some point, I've got no clue who that was. Maybe it was a 'forgot'.
This weekend's going to be a big one. I'm teaching a class on kink to a bunch of social workers, therapists, and medical folk. Boss is doing a presentation for that, too, and then he's teaching a class on negotiations to kinky folk on Sunday. So yeah, very stressful. I've been feeling like I'm not up to it, even though I know I am. Can't wait for it to be over, though.
Yesterday I had a panic attack. Which I had never experienced before Paul showed up. And I was at work. So I went and hid in the bathroom for a little while, and did a mental check-in with the kids. It was weird, because it was the most clearly I had ever seen an interaction between me and other alters without working hard to do so. I was looking into Kiara's room from the doorway, and I could see her with some dolls - Barbies maybe? - in each hand, having them have a conversation. She was sitting in that weird way little kids have, sort of kneeling, but with legs splayed out to each side. She looked over her left shoulder at me and said, "Yeah, I'm just peachy." And went back to playing. Then I looked in on Paul. And I could both see him from my point of view and see me from his point of view. It was so unusually clear. I asked him if everything was good with him, and he gave me that teenager kind of sigh. "Yeah, fine," he said, and then shut the door slowly. So odd to see it that clearly.
One of the things I adore about the boyfriend is that he's very laissez-faire and accepting of quirks. Don't get me wrong, Boss is too, but the boyfriend even more so. The other day he came up to me while I was playing a game on the computer - just a stupid Facebook game, but I really hate interrupting things. And he waited for a minute until a good break to say whatever he had to say. And when I thanked him for it, he explained that for him, too, getting interrupted in something, even something kind of throwaway, is unpleasant. I wish I could remember how he phrased it; it came out so thoughtful and sweet.
I was bemoaning my laxity in posting lately - I know I've been neglecting my blog, but I haven't been in the mood. And I heard someone in my head, not one of the kids, go "We have a blog? Hey, we have a blog!" And since Rubi, Sam, Gracelyn, and Paul have all posted on the blog at some point, I've got no clue who that was. Maybe it was a 'forgot'.
This weekend's going to be a big one. I'm teaching a class on kink to a bunch of social workers, therapists, and medical folk. Boss is doing a presentation for that, too, and then he's teaching a class on negotiations to kinky folk on Sunday. So yeah, very stressful. I've been feeling like I'm not up to it, even though I know I am. Can't wait for it to be over, though.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Really Bad Poetry (Me)
I went searching out my scrapbooks so that I could scan more photos. And one of the scrapbooks I found was full of my old poetry. The stuff I wrote when I was 15 or so, and just discovering that boys could break my heart so badly. Most of it, of course, is pretty awful stuff. Are we all that dramatically emo at fifteen?
But I started typing them all into a document on the computer so that I'll have a record or them, should anything happen to the hardcopy. And there's something interesting I found. Very early on, I find heartbreak, not about a boy, but about two boys, or three. Stressing myself over how I can love them both, and how they could both be happy about that.
Some excerpts:
So apparently I had some very poly leanings long before I knew that such a thing existed. Interesting.
But I started typing them all into a document on the computer so that I'll have a record or them, should anything happen to the hardcopy. And there's something interesting I found. Very early on, I find heartbreak, not about a boy, but about two boys, or three. Stressing myself over how I can love them both, and how they could both be happy about that.
Some excerpts:
I swear by all the gods
That I am in love.
So why, then, must I still be forced
To care for all these others?
My heart is cut into many pieces
By many, many people.
Each cuts his own piece,
Whether he says he is a friend or more.
If only the second and first were to meet,
And both were mature enough to understand.
So apparently I had some very poly leanings long before I knew that such a thing existed. Interesting.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Coming Out [Me]
I was thinking, this weekend, about the order in which I come out to people about things. I have several things to come out about:
1. I have multiple personalities. My parents and work don't need to know this; everyone else can.
2. I am polyamorous. My parents and work do need to know this; it's obvious when I show up with two other people instead of one.
3. I am kinky. My parents wouldn't be surprised, my work wouldn't care.
4. I am genderqueer. My parents wouldn't understand the term, but they get it anyway. It's obvious when you meet me face-to-face.
My daughter and most of my friends know all these things about me. These four identities are all mixed in together, as well. Each leads to the others, and they support one another. Now, most of my friends are in the kink community; many of them are genderqueer and/or poly themselves. My daughter and I are so close, than I would hate to try and hide any of these from her. I would also probably be unsuccessful. I came out to her about kinky and poly before I came out to her about being multi, and it was a relief when I had finally done so.
But some people don't need some of this information. At work, well, they figured out I wasn't a 'regular feminine lady' when they interviewed me. I mean, honey, I have a shaved head, and wear a braided collar every day. I don't fit the gender norm. When I RSVP'd for three to the company holiday party, they had to deal with me being poly. But my kink preferences have nothing to do with work, and coming out as multiple could be, I think, a really bad idea. So that stuff stays off the clock.
My parents have always known I don't fit gender norms really well. I've been teased about being butch or a lesbian since I was a teenager - but teased kindly. And since the dates I bring home have always been male, well, obviously it's not quite that. But they accept that in me. I'm pretty sure my parents are kinky as well, but it's not something we discuss. I don't feel it's really necessary to discuss specific sexual leanings with my parents anyway. I already know that my mom has a buggy-whip and has been known to chase her husband, naked, through the house with a squirt bottle. Hey, to each their own. This weekend brought up the discussion about polyamory. There'll probably be a couple more discussions once that's settled in.
The biggest 'hide' I've got is that I don't plan to talk to my parents about me being multiple personality. I'm not worried about them failing to support me or anything; I know they would; they always have. But here's the thing: I've got things under control. Being multiple is not holding my life back or causing any great drain on my ability to function in life. So what good would their support do? It would mean that, when I visit, other alters could meet my parents and talk to them without the 'switching lockdown' I do around them. And that might be nice. But I already have limited time with my Mommy; honestly I'd rather not have to share it. More than anything else, though, it would worry them. That's the biggest effect it would have, making my parents worry about me more than they already do. And that's not a gift I want to give them. So I've decided that they don't need to know. Unless something traumatic happens and they develop a need to know, we aren't telling them that I'm multiple. Nor that Boss is multiple. It just won't help anyone for them to know.
1. I have multiple personalities. My parents and work don't need to know this; everyone else can.
2. I am polyamorous. My parents and work do need to know this; it's obvious when I show up with two other people instead of one.
3. I am kinky. My parents wouldn't be surprised, my work wouldn't care.
4. I am genderqueer. My parents wouldn't understand the term, but they get it anyway. It's obvious when you meet me face-to-face.
My daughter and most of my friends know all these things about me. These four identities are all mixed in together, as well. Each leads to the others, and they support one another. Now, most of my friends are in the kink community; many of them are genderqueer and/or poly themselves. My daughter and I are so close, than I would hate to try and hide any of these from her. I would also probably be unsuccessful. I came out to her about kinky and poly before I came out to her about being multi, and it was a relief when I had finally done so.
But some people don't need some of this information. At work, well, they figured out I wasn't a 'regular feminine lady' when they interviewed me. I mean, honey, I have a shaved head, and wear a braided collar every day. I don't fit the gender norm. When I RSVP'd for three to the company holiday party, they had to deal with me being poly. But my kink preferences have nothing to do with work, and coming out as multiple could be, I think, a really bad idea. So that stuff stays off the clock.
My parents have always known I don't fit gender norms really well. I've been teased about being butch or a lesbian since I was a teenager - but teased kindly. And since the dates I bring home have always been male, well, obviously it's not quite that. But they accept that in me. I'm pretty sure my parents are kinky as well, but it's not something we discuss. I don't feel it's really necessary to discuss specific sexual leanings with my parents anyway. I already know that my mom has a buggy-whip and has been known to chase her husband, naked, through the house with a squirt bottle. Hey, to each their own. This weekend brought up the discussion about polyamory. There'll probably be a couple more discussions once that's settled in.
The biggest 'hide' I've got is that I don't plan to talk to my parents about me being multiple personality. I'm not worried about them failing to support me or anything; I know they would; they always have. But here's the thing: I've got things under control. Being multiple is not holding my life back or causing any great drain on my ability to function in life. So what good would their support do? It would mean that, when I visit, other alters could meet my parents and talk to them without the 'switching lockdown' I do around them. And that might be nice. But I already have limited time with my Mommy; honestly I'd rather not have to share it. More than anything else, though, it would worry them. That's the biggest effect it would have, making my parents worry about me more than they already do. And that's not a gift I want to give them. So I've decided that they don't need to know. Unless something traumatic happens and they develop a need to know, we aren't telling them that I'm multiple. Nor that Boss is multiple. It just won't help anyone for them to know.
Hey, Mom, I'm Poly [Me]
Three of my last four posts have been about being poly, not about being multiple. And this one will be, too. I'll try to return to my primary subject soon. But this is important, too, to all the people inside me. Because I came out to my Mom as poly this weekend. Not intentionally - no, I wouldn't intentionally do that on Thanksgiving weekend, which is also my Mom's birthday. But she asked.
When I moved in with Boss, I did mention to her that I was moving in with Boss and Metamour. Well, I gave her names, of course, but this is a blog, yadda yadda yadda... At the time, she asked who that other person is. And I just said she lived with Boss. I added that Boss took care of her because she's sick, and had a commitment to do so. And Mom veered away from that conversation, so I let it drop. In fact, her final comment on it was that we shouldn't mention her to my step-Dad, because he wouldn't get it. I agreed. So in conversation with my step-Dad, Metamour's name has never really been mentioned. But I haven't made any effort to talk around mentioning her to my Mom.
So this weekend, after one such mention, my Mom asked, "What exactly is their relationship?" I replied that she is also Boss's girlfriend. "And you're okay with this?" I assured her that I am; more than okay, really. "It's like a Mormon thing, then?" I told her we use the term polyamory; the 'mormon thing' has more to do with religion, but yeah, they practice(d) polyamory.
Mom then brought up how she teases that my step-dad's singing partner is sometimes referred to as her 'sister-wife' because it takes both of them to keep him on his toes and up to date. I said, yes, it's like that. And we talked about some of the advantages of having two women to keep a man straight. It happens in the theater a lot to me, too. And so we talked about some of the advantages of being in a triad - many of the ones discussed in my last post.
Finally, Mom summed up the conversation by saying that all she really wants is for me to be happy. And it appears to her that I'm happier now than I've been in previous relationships, so it must be a good thing for me, so she supports it. So I'm out to my Mommy as poly, and she's supportive. The step-dad, well, that may not happen for some time, if ever.
When I moved in with Boss, I did mention to her that I was moving in with Boss and Metamour. Well, I gave her names, of course, but this is a blog, yadda yadda yadda... At the time, she asked who that other person is. And I just said she lived with Boss. I added that Boss took care of her because she's sick, and had a commitment to do so. And Mom veered away from that conversation, so I let it drop. In fact, her final comment on it was that we shouldn't mention her to my step-Dad, because he wouldn't get it. I agreed. So in conversation with my step-Dad, Metamour's name has never really been mentioned. But I haven't made any effort to talk around mentioning her to my Mom.
So this weekend, after one such mention, my Mom asked, "What exactly is their relationship?" I replied that she is also Boss's girlfriend. "And you're okay with this?" I assured her that I am; more than okay, really. "It's like a Mormon thing, then?" I told her we use the term polyamory; the 'mormon thing' has more to do with religion, but yeah, they practice(d) polyamory.
Mom then brought up how she teases that my step-dad's singing partner is sometimes referred to as her 'sister-wife' because it takes both of them to keep him on his toes and up to date. I said, yes, it's like that. And we talked about some of the advantages of having two women to keep a man straight. It happens in the theater a lot to me, too. And so we talked about some of the advantages of being in a triad - many of the ones discussed in my last post.
Finally, Mom summed up the conversation by saying that all she really wants is for me to be happy. And it appears to her that I'm happier now than I've been in previous relationships, so it must be a good thing for me, so she supports it. So I'm out to my Mommy as poly, and she's supportive. The step-dad, well, that may not happen for some time, if ever.
Monday, November 19, 2012
The Joy of Three [Me]
"One" is on his own,
"Two" is about "Me" and "You"
But the joy of "Three"–
Is all in being "We"!
from http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/
NOVEMBER 18, 2012
You might have noticed that our poly family is in a 'V' shape. I am in love with Boss, and he with me. He and my metamour are also in love with one another. She and I, not so much. I'm not created in such a way as to love a woman romantically. But we are friends, and housemates, and family. She considers my daughter hers, for instance.
Yet, even without being in love with both of my partners, they are still both my partners. We are a 'we', a unit of three. If I am invited to a party, I make sure that we are all three invited, not just Boss and I. Because of her health, she cannot attend a lot of events, but I make sure that she has the option.
If there is any struggle in a couple, it is 'me' vs. 'you'. Often, each person thinks first of their own needs and then only about the pleasure of their opposite number. In a triad, it seems to me that there is more of a focus on mutual win and group harmony. Because we know that the outside world is against us, we make an effort to think about the other folks' needs and compare them to our own. It's not that poly people are naturally more group-minded, but that they conscientiously try to be so in defense against this anti-poly world we live in.
The only other time I've had that 'we' mindset in a family was when my daughter and I lived with my parents. We split up chores and responsibilities in the household, but then we all made an effort to not only get our own done, but to sneak around and surprise each other by doing someone else's chores. It was a very positive atmosphere, with lots of love and group-mindedness.
I've never felt that in a couple before. It's like we're not made to see three sides in a struggle. Just like we don't naturally think strategically in 3-D. Our minds are in a 2-D mindset. This Way vs. That Way. Winner vs. Loser. Up vs. Down. With a third person in the mix, we have to think about... well, about how we think.
There are certainly good things about being in a 'we':
- In a couple, it's easy to lose sight of your individuality when you're constantly with another person. In a triad, you get both together time and alone time to be yourself.
- In a couple, you can get bogged down with always being with that other person, no matter how much you love them. In a triad, as you trade back and forth, you get a break when you need it, so that seeing that person again is fresh.
- In a couple, the dominant partner will get their way most of the time, sometimes breeding resentment by the person that gives in. In a triad, the two more submissive people can support each other sometimes, keeping the dominant person from always getting their way, which isn't healthy for anyone.
- Part of falling in love is the chase, the getting to know one another. You give that up to some extent for the security of being with someone that you love and know. In a poly relationship, there is the potential to have both. I can love Boss and know he's at home for me, but still flirt and get to know someone else - without risk to either.
- Some things Boss needs to be fulfilled, I can't give him. But he can get those things from his other love. I don't have to try to be something I'm not for him, but he doesn't have to do without what he needs for me.
- By getting together with Boss, I not only gained a lover in him, but also a friend in her. Another person that I can be my raw, private self with. Because she's stuck with me just as much as he is. There is security in being committed to one another. And to have that with two people instead of one just means double the security.
- In a couple, if one person is being unreasonable, the other person has the entire burden of dealing with that upon them. In a triad, the other two can work together to deal with that. And usually, only one is emotionally involved in the fight. You have a less-partial person to turn to who can play mediator.
- Many people, myself included, need to gripe and vent about their love from time to time. In my metamour, I have that perfect person. She knows his idiosyncrasies as well as I do, and we can commiserate together.
- In a couple, if one person is ill and needs cared for, the entire burden falls on the other partner. In a triad, two people can share that burden, taking turns or working together to care for them.
- In a couple, you have one or two incomes in the family. In a triad, you have two or three incomes.
There are many reasons why I prefer a poly lifestyle; these are just some of them. A 'group family' might be a more accurate description. I love being in a group family. More is better.
Poly-fannish [Me]
This Saturday, I was watching Les Miserables on YouTube when Boss finally got up. He always sleeps later than I do, and my metamour is on no particular schedule. Between drugs, animals, and pain, she may sleep all day and be up all night, or the reverse, or nap frequently. So when I get up, I'm on my own for some hours, often, on weekends.
Anyway, I was watching Les Mis and enjoying the singing. I am highly anticipating the movie coming for Christmas. When Boss got up, he teased me about loving it so much. After all, I'm an avowed Phantom of the Opera fan. And I quipped back at him that I can love several Broadway shows equally without taking away from my love of Phantom. I am poly-fannish.
He laughed at me and suggested I should write about that as a great way to explain to people how I can love several people at the same time without loving any one less. It's a good analogy.
Of course, there are other great analogies. My favorite is that of a parent loving several children. Just because you love your son, does that mean you love your daughter less? What's your favorite poly analogy?
Anyway, I was watching Les Mis and enjoying the singing. I am highly anticipating the movie coming for Christmas. When Boss got up, he teased me about loving it so much. After all, I'm an avowed Phantom of the Opera fan. And I quipped back at him that I can love several Broadway shows equally without taking away from my love of Phantom. I am poly-fannish.
He laughed at me and suggested I should write about that as a great way to explain to people how I can love several people at the same time without loving any one less. It's a good analogy.
Of course, there are other great analogies. My favorite is that of a parent loving several children. Just because you love your son, does that mean you love your daughter less? What's your favorite poly analogy?
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Out at Work as Poly [Me]
I have taken a semi-irrevocable step. My company has a Holiday Party coming up soon, and we were requested to RSVP along with the name of our significant other if they will be joining us at the party. I requested that I be allowed to RSVP for three, and included the names of both of my partners, Boss and my metamour both. That was several days ago.
Today I got called into the HR manager's office. The RSVP was forwarded to him to deal with. Now, his great concern was that, should I bring two significant others to a party, I would certainly be outed to everyone at work. And people will talk, as they do. I reassured him that I had spoken openly about being poly with several people that work with me already, as it had come up in conversation. And that I am comfortable being openly who and what I am. So now he gets to discuss with the executive team what the company policy might be for attendance at company events. Is it 'employee and significant other(s)', or 'employee and one guest'? He'll get back with me.
The largest concern we, as a family, have with this is not that I am being open about being polyamorous at work. I have few concerns there. The bigger concern is that Boss has applied for a couple of jobs there, and this could color their decision on whether or not to hire him. I've spoken with Boss about it before, though, knowing that it would mean he would be openly poly if he got hired there. Though of course there is concern around the uncertainty of how that might affect his work life, should he get hired, I think we found some comfort in the fact that it doesn't seem to have affected my treatment here at work at all.
The other issue with this is that the company has never had both parts of a couple working for the company before, either. The jobs he is applying for would not put us in the same chain of command, so I don't really see that being an issue. But either way, HR has to talk to the execs about me and decide what company policies are before they deal with his application to work here. So the Holiday Party thing might be jump-starting that a little bit.
Today I got called into the HR manager's office. The RSVP was forwarded to him to deal with. Now, his great concern was that, should I bring two significant others to a party, I would certainly be outed to everyone at work. And people will talk, as they do. I reassured him that I had spoken openly about being poly with several people that work with me already, as it had come up in conversation. And that I am comfortable being openly who and what I am. So now he gets to discuss with the executive team what the company policy might be for attendance at company events. Is it 'employee and significant other(s)', or 'employee and one guest'? He'll get back with me.
The largest concern we, as a family, have with this is not that I am being open about being polyamorous at work. I have few concerns there. The bigger concern is that Boss has applied for a couple of jobs there, and this could color their decision on whether or not to hire him. I've spoken with Boss about it before, though, knowing that it would mean he would be openly poly if he got hired there. Though of course there is concern around the uncertainty of how that might affect his work life, should he get hired, I think we found some comfort in the fact that it doesn't seem to have affected my treatment here at work at all.
The other issue with this is that the company has never had both parts of a couple working for the company before, either. The jobs he is applying for would not put us in the same chain of command, so I don't really see that being an issue. But either way, HR has to talk to the execs about me and decide what company policies are before they deal with his application to work here. So the Holiday Party thing might be jump-starting that a little bit.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Poly with Kids [Me]
Okay, you have to go read this - Polyamorous with children: A mom's story. Here's a woman who contacted a newpaper and said, hey, you're writing about polyamory - here I am. I sense a kindred spirit here. I've not tried to hide who and what I am, and that brings a lot of peace and confidence into my world that might not otherwise be there.
She has kids, and they know, and it's no big deal. Because they didn't make a big deal about it. I have a kid, and it's no big deal to her, because we didn't make a big deal about it. "Hey, kid. I'm moving in with my boyfriend. By the way, his other girlfriend also lives with him, so we'll all be living together." Her main question was, "Are you good with that?" And I am, so she is too. We've already found out that my daughter is definitely monogomous herself. And that's cool too.
I love how she answers the question "So no one had a problem with it?" Yeah, some people stopped being friends with me over it. And we moved on. Your friends are supposed to be the people that support you. If they can't support you being happy as you are, then they aren't friends, and it's good to recognize that you aren't friends, and move on. It happens, friendships evolve, or they end.
She has kids, and they know, and it's no big deal. Because they didn't make a big deal about it. I have a kid, and it's no big deal to her, because we didn't make a big deal about it. "Hey, kid. I'm moving in with my boyfriend. By the way, his other girlfriend also lives with him, so we'll all be living together." Her main question was, "Are you good with that?" And I am, so she is too. We've already found out that my daughter is definitely monogomous herself. And that's cool too.
I love how she answers the question "So no one had a problem with it?" Yeah, some people stopped being friends with me over it. And we moved on. Your friends are supposed to be the people that support you. If they can't support you being happy as you are, then they aren't friends, and it's good to recognize that you aren't friends, and move on. It happens, friendships evolve, or they end.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
We Are A Rose Garden [Me]
On a forum about kinky multiples, I came across this bit of writing:
By the time I recognized my multiple nature a couple of years ago, we had several distinct rose bushes. Some planted close together, like Sam and Rubi, others that took root a bit further away, like Jarett or Kiara. Since that time, Jarett has gone dormant, but other bushes have been grown from a cutting of an old one - like Paul coming out of Cherish. And Grace and Lynn's bushes were so close together that they became indistinguishable from one another.
Although each of my alters came from the original 'I', and thus share some similarity in their 'bush', each one is different, pruned by their own experiences and thoughts into a different shape, just as a rose bush can be pruned by a gardener to be different, or be shaped by the quality of the soil it is in or the amount of nutrients and water it receives.
"Many people view DID as a vase that is shattered by trauma, one personality is broken into many shards and should be put back together to make a "whole person" again. Yet, it is far more like a rose bush that is hacked apart and each part starts growing independently of the others, developing their own root systems and preferences, being cut from the same bush, but ultimately not able to be just unified again as singular pieces. They are all parts of the original, but they have grown to be more."The concept came from the book Set This House In Order by Matt Ruff. And I love this. Yes, at some unknown point in the past, 'we' were simply 'I', but then I got split into a number of pieces. Some of those pieces, like 'Mommy of a new baby' and 'wife' died off when they stopped being fed. Some of them, like 'Silent One' and its catatonia, went dormant for several years. Others took root and began growing on their own.
By the time I recognized my multiple nature a couple of years ago, we had several distinct rose bushes. Some planted close together, like Sam and Rubi, others that took root a bit further away, like Jarett or Kiara. Since that time, Jarett has gone dormant, but other bushes have been grown from a cutting of an old one - like Paul coming out of Cherish. And Grace and Lynn's bushes were so close together that they became indistinguishable from one another.
Although each of my alters came from the original 'I', and thus share some similarity in their 'bush', each one is different, pruned by their own experiences and thoughts into a different shape, just as a rose bush can be pruned by a gardener to be different, or be shaped by the quality of the soil it is in or the amount of nutrients and water it receives.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
I'm Listed! [Me]
So I was playing around with blogspot's stats page. It's interesting stuff. And I ran across a referring page that is a list of dissociation blogs! I think this one's pretty interesting, and I see several blogs on there that I follow - it's called Third of a Lifetime, and it's apparently maintained by an author who is multiple.
What else did we find out from the stats, then? The major sites people have come from include Third of a Lifetime, CandyCan's blog, my profile on the kinky social site, and Google searches. There are referrals from some other multiples' sites, as well. And what were the google searches from? "boyfriend bought me a collar bdsm", "cutting one's self and s&m", idic or infinite diversity in infinite combination, "mpd are my memories real", "my parents know i'm into bdsm", "kink and poly", "multiplicity littles", and some terms that are obviously people who know me searching for that particular blog. The ones that make me giggle are the ones searching for IDIC. Those are geeks looking for Star Trek stuff, and finding my post about IDIC as my personal philosophy. Poor guys - these got more than they bargained for. My audience is from mostly in the U.S., but we also have people from New Zealand and Singapore, and even the U.A.E. - now there's one that likely had some culture shock.
So who are you, my regular readers? I'd love for you to comment on this one, and tell me about you. Here's things I'd like to know; answer the ones you feel comfortable doing so:
1. Do you know me in 'real life', or just from this blog?
- if you are from my real life, have you seen yourself mentioned here, and how do you feel about that?
2. Are you multiple, or do you have a multiple in your life? Are you kinky and/or polyamorous?
- if not, what interest do you have in this blog?
3. What are your demographics?
- if you're not from the U.S., where are you from?
- if English is not your first language, what is? and are you reading a translated page?
4. Are there any questions about my being multiple/kinky/poly that you'd like me to write about?
--update--
Actually, please don't answer these questions here. Answer them here, instead.
What else did we find out from the stats, then? The major sites people have come from include Third of a Lifetime, CandyCan's blog, my profile on the kinky social site, and Google searches. There are referrals from some other multiples' sites, as well. And what were the google searches from? "boyfriend bought me a collar bdsm", "cutting one's self and s&m", idic or infinite diversity in infinite combination, "mpd are my memories real", "my parents know i'm into bdsm", "kink and poly", "multiplicity littles", and some terms that are obviously people who know me searching for that particular blog. The ones that make me giggle are the ones searching for IDIC. Those are geeks looking for Star Trek stuff, and finding my post about IDIC as my personal philosophy. Poor guys - these got more than they bargained for. My audience is from mostly in the U.S., but we also have people from New Zealand and Singapore, and even the U.A.E. - now there's one that likely had some culture shock.
So who are you, my regular readers? I'd love for you to comment on this one, and tell me about you. Here's things I'd like to know; answer the ones you feel comfortable doing so:
1. Do you know me in 'real life', or just from this blog?
- if you are from my real life, have you seen yourself mentioned here, and how do you feel about that?
2. Are you multiple, or do you have a multiple in your life? Are you kinky and/or polyamorous?
- if not, what interest do you have in this blog?
3. What are your demographics?
- if you're not from the U.S., where are you from?
- if English is not your first language, what is? and are you reading a translated page?
4. Are there any questions about my being multiple/kinky/poly that you'd like me to write about?
--update--
Actually, please don't answer these questions here. Answer them here, instead.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Monogamously Poly (Me)
So I just realized that the last time I've had sex with anyone other than Boss was in January. Right, that's six months of being monogamous sexually; something I neither intended nor expected. And yet it's working.
Why? Perhaps I'm content to have been only with him sexually is because we do have frequent and varied sex. Mix his alters with my alters, and most of us have a taste for variety, and there's no telling what's going to happen. The sex definitely is not settling into a rut of any sort. If we do get in a pattern, it usually lasts a week or two, and then new alters show new needs. And there you go.
And the sex is frequent; we rarely go more than a night or two without having sex. The nights we do skip it are because one or both of us are too tired, and we still make a point of snuggling and being close, usually even closer.
Or maybe the reason I'm content to be with just him is because I don't have to be. I know that if I showed an interest in someone as a sexual partner, he would be perfectly fine with that, even encouraging me. So the fact that there isn't a barrier there limiting me means I don't feel the need to test it. I can have sex with someone else if I want; I just don't want to right now. And that might change tomorrow; it might not.
So even though I'm currently monogamous sexually, I'm still in a poly relationship. Boss still has two girls that love him, me and my metamour. And we're all happy together. Isn't life grand?
Why? Perhaps I'm content to have been only with him sexually is because we do have frequent and varied sex. Mix his alters with my alters, and most of us have a taste for variety, and there's no telling what's going to happen. The sex definitely is not settling into a rut of any sort. If we do get in a pattern, it usually lasts a week or two, and then new alters show new needs. And there you go.
And the sex is frequent; we rarely go more than a night or two without having sex. The nights we do skip it are because one or both of us are too tired, and we still make a point of snuggling and being close, usually even closer.
Or maybe the reason I'm content to be with just him is because I don't have to be. I know that if I showed an interest in someone as a sexual partner, he would be perfectly fine with that, even encouraging me. So the fact that there isn't a barrier there limiting me means I don't feel the need to test it. I can have sex with someone else if I want; I just don't want to right now. And that might change tomorrow; it might not.
So even though I'm currently monogamous sexually, I'm still in a poly relationship. Boss still has two girls that love him, me and my metamour. And we're all happy together. Isn't life grand?
Friday, May 18, 2012
Breakup with The Bear [Me]
Okay, it's time to write, even though I really don't feel like it. But avoiding blogging has helped me clear a lot of stuff off my to-do list, so it's not all bad. My system's had a pretty heavy shock this week, and I'm avoiding dealing with the emotions involved.
I've ended things with the Bear, my sadist and sometime-dominant. We played together for about two years, but life has interfered to the point that we rarely get together at all. Add to that, he's now involved with a friend of mine, and doesn't seem to be able to be that close to both of us. I knew he is monogamously inclined, as he knew I am not. But whereas I have no trouble having a play relationship with him and a romantic one elsewhere, he doesn't seem to be able to split the two. And so, he has all but ignored my existence for several months, except when I've broken down and had a fit about it. And I fear that, should he give me a reasonable amount of attention, she won't be getting enough. He just isn't wired that way.
Unfortunately, I did see this coming; I even posted about it. But I have a bad habit of letting negative things drag out, hoping they will get better. This situation isn't getting any better, and I've been eating myself up inside over it for months. And the Boss has made me put an end to it. This week, he talked to me about it, and denied me permission to go to a party at the Bear's house. A party to which I would have gone, then come home miserable because I had been ignored again. Further, he said it was time to make the decision to end things and quit putting it off. And he was right. And I did. I wrote the Bear an email breaking things off definitively rather than just letting them fizzle out.
This is how the dominant/submissive relationship is supposed to play out. He didn't just decide on a whim that I should do something, and order it done. He isn't forcing me to change things in my life for his amusement. Instead, he's looking out for my well-being, and pushing me to make solid the decision I've been holding onto for way too long. He's helping me do what's right for me. That's what a dom is supposed to do. Now, because he does that, yes, sometimes he gets to make me do things for his own convenience or amusement. But those aren't the important interactions; ones like this one are the important ones.
I've ended things with the Bear, my sadist and sometime-dominant. We played together for about two years, but life has interfered to the point that we rarely get together at all. Add to that, he's now involved with a friend of mine, and doesn't seem to be able to be that close to both of us. I knew he is monogamously inclined, as he knew I am not. But whereas I have no trouble having a play relationship with him and a romantic one elsewhere, he doesn't seem to be able to split the two. And so, he has all but ignored my existence for several months, except when I've broken down and had a fit about it. And I fear that, should he give me a reasonable amount of attention, she won't be getting enough. He just isn't wired that way.
Unfortunately, I did see this coming; I even posted about it. But I have a bad habit of letting negative things drag out, hoping they will get better. This situation isn't getting any better, and I've been eating myself up inside over it for months. And the Boss has made me put an end to it. This week, he talked to me about it, and denied me permission to go to a party at the Bear's house. A party to which I would have gone, then come home miserable because I had been ignored again. Further, he said it was time to make the decision to end things and quit putting it off. And he was right. And I did. I wrote the Bear an email breaking things off definitively rather than just letting them fizzle out.
This is how the dominant/submissive relationship is supposed to play out. He didn't just decide on a whim that I should do something, and order it done. He isn't forcing me to change things in my life for his amusement. Instead, he's looking out for my well-being, and pushing me to make solid the decision I've been holding onto for way too long. He's helping me do what's right for me. That's what a dom is supposed to do. Now, because he does that, yes, sometimes he gets to make me do things for his own convenience or amusement. But those aren't the important interactions; ones like this one are the important ones.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Sisterhood [Me]
My metamour posted this the other day:
Her system is much less stable than mine, and I know there are nuggets of jealousy and maliciousness and passive-aggressive manipulation in there. But there are also broad swaths of generosity and sisterhood and 'whatever-makes-Master-happy' in there, too.
I don't know what the future holds for the three of us, but I am becoming more and more confident that the future can hold the three of us, together. Some days maybe we'll just tolerate each other. But some days maybe we can be compatriots, sisters, friends.
Happiness is:I'm glad that at least part of her is very excited and happy about this change. This poly stuff can be hard. She and I both struggle to make ourselves happy about how things are, sometimes. Sometimes it's no struggle at all. Sometimes you just endure it.
- Gaining a sister. Master is officially collaring [M] tonight. In April, she will move in with us permanently. I’m very happy and excited!
Her system is much less stable than mine, and I know there are nuggets of jealousy and maliciousness and passive-aggressive manipulation in there. But there are also broad swaths of generosity and sisterhood and 'whatever-makes-Master-happy' in there, too.
I don't know what the future holds for the three of us, but I am becoming more and more confident that the future can hold the three of us, together. Some days maybe we'll just tolerate each other. But some days maybe we can be compatriots, sisters, friends.
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