My father is dying. Not today, but soon. Well, aren't we all? But he's doing so sooner rather than later.
A few days ago, I got a call to come see him in the hospital. He has multiple tumors in his brain. They are not operable, and it's an aggressive cancer that will take him quickly, by all indications. So I've spend the last five days sitting in his hotel room. I've tried to keep up with what doctors are telling us - and not telling us. I've talked about some hard subjects with my Dad, trying to help him make the decisions he needs to make. And I've been telling him goodbye. Not necessarily by saying the word 'goodbye', but just by spending some time with him - listening, talking, reminiscing.
It's been nice, seeing my Dad, seeing his siblings. It's been hard, seeing him so easily confused, and knowing that he's got a limited amount of time left. I finally managed to cry a lot last night, and some more today. I'm sad, but I'm glad I'm getting to help out with him and to see him as well. All five of his brothers and sisters came to see him. I missed one of them, but saw the rest. And his father, who is 94 years old, was brought by, too. Even my best friend came from home to see him. So there's been a lot of visiting.
And because I'm around family, and trying to be all strong and together, I'm not switching any, either. I switched a little bit a couple of times when we weren't at the hospital, but mostly it's just me. This is my Dad, not everyone else's. It's pretty stressful on me when I'm not switching.
Boss couldn't come up; he had to work. I know he's missing me being at home a lot; and I'm missing him, too. But MK's here with me instead. He's helping a lot with the stress. He's very quietly supportive, just being nearby and keeping me company. I really appreciate him being here with me. He's helped me get to the point of crying that I needed to be at. He's not left my side, making sure that I'm okay. It helps.
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Friday, May 23, 2014
Lego Containers [Paul]
I had some other ideas for how I wanted to store legos, but the other idea turned out to be pretty expensive, so I'm going with these.
-Paul
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Emergency Contact Plan [Me]
Yesterday we had a pretty strong scare, but we tested our 'emergency plan', and it worked. In the end, no harm done.
We went to Green Hills Mall after work. All of us love The Container Store, so that was our only planned destination. We went in and spent some money on Lego containers. Very nice. And that's about all I have a clear memory of. The rest is pieced together by several of us.
There is a Lush store in the mall. Lush is full of scents that we are allergic to and should avoid like the plague. But there is a single item that Boss uses and was out of. Somehow, we wandered down to that end of the mall (about as far away from The Container Store as you can get). Maybe just to locate the store and report back to the family? Anyway, we could see the item he needed from the hallway. Apparently the decision was made to rush in, grab it, buy it, and get out. Which worked up until we got to the register and took our first breath.
We managed to pay and exit, and found a bench not far from the store. Dizzy, shallow breathing. Couldn't focus, concentrated on not passing out. Eventually able to stand up and start shuffling toward the other end. I remember thinking that, unless I actually passed out, no one was going to offer to help me. So I needed to get there on my own.
By the exit doors to the parking lot, there is a Panera Bread. We stumbled into the restaurant and collapsed at a table. The air was less scented in there, and no one seemed to mind if we just sat for a while. Something about the major can't-breathe-attack drives all the personalities out, including me. So we really were just kind of a jumbled blank mess without much thought or function.
Eventually we gathered enough function to realize we should call for help. We got out the phone, but dialing was not going to happen. We were able to get to messaging and send some random letters to Boss as a text. He replied back asking if it was a butt-text, and we were able to hit the buttons that made the phone call him. He answered, but we were unable to get any words out at first, just noise and breathing. The phone call worked, though, because after a few minutes Kiara realized she was out. He talked to her until she was all the way out, and talked her through getting a soda.
This is what we planned for emergencies, and it worked. Eventually, she switched back to me and I was able to drive home. So yeah, it was panicky and awful. But the plan worked, and everything was okay.
We went to Green Hills Mall after work. All of us love The Container Store, so that was our only planned destination. We went in and spent some money on Lego containers. Very nice. And that's about all I have a clear memory of. The rest is pieced together by several of us.
There is a Lush store in the mall. Lush is full of scents that we are allergic to and should avoid like the plague. But there is a single item that Boss uses and was out of. Somehow, we wandered down to that end of the mall (about as far away from The Container Store as you can get). Maybe just to locate the store and report back to the family? Anyway, we could see the item he needed from the hallway. Apparently the decision was made to rush in, grab it, buy it, and get out. Which worked up until we got to the register and took our first breath.
We managed to pay and exit, and found a bench not far from the store. Dizzy, shallow breathing. Couldn't focus, concentrated on not passing out. Eventually able to stand up and start shuffling toward the other end. I remember thinking that, unless I actually passed out, no one was going to offer to help me. So I needed to get there on my own.
By the exit doors to the parking lot, there is a Panera Bread. We stumbled into the restaurant and collapsed at a table. The air was less scented in there, and no one seemed to mind if we just sat for a while. Something about the major can't-breathe-attack drives all the personalities out, including me. So we really were just kind of a jumbled blank mess without much thought or function.
Eventually we gathered enough function to realize we should call for help. We got out the phone, but dialing was not going to happen. We were able to get to messaging and send some random letters to Boss as a text. He replied back asking if it was a butt-text, and we were able to hit the buttons that made the phone call him. He answered, but we were unable to get any words out at first, just noise and breathing. The phone call worked, though, because after a few minutes Kiara realized she was out. He talked to her until she was all the way out, and talked her through getting a soda.
This is what we planned for emergencies, and it worked. Eventually, she switched back to me and I was able to drive home. So yeah, it was panicky and awful. But the plan worked, and everything was okay.
Friday, May 2, 2014
Updated Spreadsheet [Me]
I've updated the spreadsheet I made for all of us alters and our differences. Only a few small changes.
I listed Baby Paul as separate from Paul. But I kept all Paul's older ages together. Paul's a system within the system, with ages 3, 8, 11, and 14. But the difference between 3 and the others is a big one.
Also, Rubi upped her age from 17 to 19, which I think is fair, since she's definitely grown a lot in the last couple of years.I think it might have something to do with 19 being the minimum age for the dungeon we go to, also.I could be wrong.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
All Moved In [Me]
So we've been in the new house for seven weeks now, and it's really feeling like home for me. Kiara and Paul, too, seem to be settling in. We don't have a bedroom, as such, but instead have two non-bed-rooms. Downstairs, we big girls have an office-library-music room with my piano and books and clothes. Upstairs, the kids have a playroom for legos and stuffed animals and other toys. The kids have definitely been busy setting up stuff upstairs, so I feel like they're reasonably comfortable. I've seen Gracelyn out doing housework-type stuff a few times, too, so I think she's good.
The ones I worry about are Stephanie and Silent One. They both have such an odd way of looking at the world that I'm not sure how they'll take things. We haven't seen Stephanie at all since we moved. At some point, Boss is going to have to pull her out on purpose, show her the new place and give her an idea what's expected of her. I'd rather him do it on purpose than her come out by accident, but honestly, I'm okay with her not coming out at all. It's pretty unpleasant having her out, really. She's terrified all the time, and suffers a lot of pain. This world is very hard for her to understand; electricity and running water are both magic to her. She's convinced that Boss is some sort of wizard, and that's why his house has these things. So she's happy to be his slave because she gets to use the magic bathroom. Which makes her want to please him so that he'll keep her.
Silent One is no less worrisome. It has come out once since we moved in. It woke up in our bed and immediately realized it was not in the den it was used to. Being in a strange den and not knowing where it was or who was around, it played asleep for a long time. It heard someone move in the other room, and then someone upstairs, and it was really jumpy. Even having Boss nearby didn't seem to help. It was very passive and limp, not even exploring the spot it found itself in. I think it was just terrified. So that's another one we've got to get out and introduce to the place, hopefully under Boss's control. Again, it being reticent to come out actually makes my life easier, but will have to be dealt with sooner or later.
The ones I worry about are Stephanie and Silent One. They both have such an odd way of looking at the world that I'm not sure how they'll take things. We haven't seen Stephanie at all since we moved. At some point, Boss is going to have to pull her out on purpose, show her the new place and give her an idea what's expected of her. I'd rather him do it on purpose than her come out by accident, but honestly, I'm okay with her not coming out at all. It's pretty unpleasant having her out, really. She's terrified all the time, and suffers a lot of pain. This world is very hard for her to understand; electricity and running water are both magic to her. She's convinced that Boss is some sort of wizard, and that's why his house has these things. So she's happy to be his slave because she gets to use the magic bathroom. Which makes her want to please him so that he'll keep her.
Silent One is no less worrisome. It has come out once since we moved in. It woke up in our bed and immediately realized it was not in the den it was used to. Being in a strange den and not knowing where it was or who was around, it played asleep for a long time. It heard someone move in the other room, and then someone upstairs, and it was really jumpy. Even having Boss nearby didn't seem to help. It was very passive and limp, not even exploring the spot it found itself in. I think it was just terrified. So that's another one we've got to get out and introduce to the place, hopefully under Boss's control. Again, it being reticent to come out actually makes my life easier, but will have to be dealt with sooner or later.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)