Tuesday, November 10, 2015

The body is female, and it's hard to hide it. [Paul]

I got my feelings hurt tonight. Nobody meant to, but it happened.

We went to an event tonight where it was more appropriate for me to be out front than anyone else. Those don't happen much, so I was excited. This morning, I packed clothes for us to change into after work, before the event.

So after work, I got rid of the bra and girl-shirt. I put on a compression teeshirt - no easy feat without help. Then I put on a men's tank top, and our leather vest. It takes some work to pull the compression shirt out enough to adjust all the lumps under it to look right, but I eventually got it okay. I put a do-rag on my head, because the people we were gonna see are used to M having a bald head. I wanted to look noticeably different from her. I wanted to look more masculine, too. Jeans stayed on - they're pretty ungendered, and our shoes are pretty masculine.

I was feeling pretty good about the way I look. I know I'll never really look masculine enough people will look at me and think 'boy', but I felt like I definitely looked ambiguous, where no one would point and say 'girl'.

I had some time to kill, so I went to a couple of shops. The first one was a Mens XL shop - only mens clothing. The clerk came from the back, saying, "Hello, Sir, welcome." That felt good. Then he got a couple steps closer, and said, "I'm sorry. Ma'am." He made a joke about having trouble seeing that far away. I didn't correct him, because, well, the body is, indeed, female. He spotted it. As much as I could do to look male, it only worked from a distance. It hurt my feelings. Not at him, but at my effort.

However, I went to the event, and everyone there that knew us immediately greeted me by my name, not M's. They had no doubt it was me and not her. So I got that much clear.

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