I wrote sometime back about my metamour, which the technical term for my boyfriend's girlfriend (or my boyfriend's boyfriend, or my girlfriend's boyfriend, whatever). And I wrote about not having a real relationship with her yet, and my confusion with that. The conclusion that I came to is that my sweetie's sweetie is my sweetie, and I have to accept her as being part of him. Just like when you date a person with kids, their kids are a part of them. You don't pick out one without the other. And his other girlfriend is part of him.
I say that to go on with saying that I follow her blog. I wonder if maybe I should not, but it's an invaluable way to know where she's at. I don't know if she's following my blog, and I'm not sure if I want to know this (if she does follow my blog, she now knows I read hers). I was talking with the boyfriend about the subject yesterday, and about him following my blog or her following my blog. Anyway.
I write on my blog, knowing that people I know are reading it, and purposely blocking out an awareness of that particular audience. I write what I need to write, and if someone's going to get hurt feelings because of what I write, then they need to not read my blog.
Which brings me back to reading her blog. Especially when I am mentioned in it. I would hate for her to censor herself about anything - even me - when blogging. So I am not going to reply to her blog by commenting there. But I will write here about it. And she will read it, or not.
She writes about being jealous of my relationship with our boyfriend. And that's to be expected. Before I came along, she had him all to herself. But that wasn't enough for him, because he came chasing me down. And she would like to have him all to herself still/again. But he wouldn't be happy that way. I'd like to have him all to myself, too. But he wouldn't be happy that way, either. No pair of us can meet all of each other's needs. But there aren't enough days in the week for everyone to get time with each other. And so we work on compromise. And sometimes it works. Sometimes one of us is hurt. Sometimes all of us are hurt. But we keep trying.
If she and I were better friends, I think it would be easier. Sooner or later we'll all be living together, and maybe then we'll be around each other enough to be friends. But right now I don't live there. And the times I'm over there, I want his attention on me. Even if we are all together, she's usually closed off, working on the computer. Or asleep when I'm awake and vice-versa. I'm very social and want to be out and going places all the time. She's not as social and her health keeps her from going out almost ever. We don't like the same kind of TV shows. It's hard to make a friendship based solely on our mutual love for him.
The two of them are going to marry eventually. I'll never wear his wedding ring. And I'm okay with that. He'll marry her, and she and I will both wear his collar as His Girls. I did quit following her Wedding Ideas board on Pinterest; it makes me uncomfortable to watch her plan a wedding to the man I love, even so.
I know she worries that I will push her away from him. Or rather that our 'we' will push her 'we' out. And relationships do come to an end. Her relationship to him could end. But I am trying my best not to be a catalyst for that to happen.
And I worry sometimes about her, too, of course. What if she decides that she just absolutely cannot tolerate me, and gives him an ultimatum to choose between us? What happens when things she wants/needs conflict with things I want/need? She has health issues that mean I'm going to end up being the primary house-keeper in our family. I hate that position, especially when I end up with the responsibility for keeping things up and no authority to get other people to cooperate. If her health gets worse, I could end up having to play 'nurse' as well. I don't like the idea, but it could happen.
She could make my relationship with him completely miserable, especially after I leave my house to move in with them. We're both alpha-female type of people. We will clash. And I worry how that will turn out. Will we have to go play tattle-tale to Daddy to make us behave? Or will it get really ugly and turn into passive-aggressive maneuvering and manipulation. I don't play those games well; I tend to deal with it myself fairly straightforwardly. I'm used to being the boss in my household. Moving in with them, I'll be second or even third in 'rank'.
I just don't know if I can be happy in a combined household. But I love him. And for that, I'm willing to try it.
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