How Are You? [Me]

Fair warning, I'm reading others' blogs today. And today I've just started the blog of a multiple who is relentlessly positive, even when she's in a depression. I'm enjoying reading her blog. I like her.

I've stopped at a post that she also entitled "How Are You?" Her intro:

How many times a day do you either say or hear, “How are you?”  It seems this question has become mundane and meaningless.  So many times a day I hear, “Hi.  How are you?”  At which I am supposed to say that I am fine and ask the person how they are out of courtesy.  Can you tell this phrase is at the top of my annoyance list?  The other possibility is that the person simply is asking how you are so that you will ask them so that they are now set up to tell you what they really just wanted to say in the beginning which is how they are, which often is more on the negative side.  Why can people not just be blunt and straight forward?  Instead of asking, “How are you?” just tell me what you really want to tell me, stop setting me up to live a facade and fake a “I’m fine how are you?” just so that you can tell me your problems.

My comment in reply to her:

I try to never ever answer with, “I’m fine.” My standard don’t-really-want-to-talk-but-here’s-an-answer is “Great.” Because all told, my life is great. And since they don’t really care what I answer, I should remind myself of that. 

I have a friend who almost always answers with, “I'm okay” in an Eyeore voice. And I call him on it. I poke until he tells me something that’s good or something that’s bad. I don’t care which, but tell me something that shows you’re a person. The last time we were around each other, we had a lot of fun, and as we were recovering from our laughter, he whispered to me, “I am ever so much more than okay.” It felt like magic.

I am a believer in speaking things into being. If people ask me fifty times how I am, and I say I'm great, I'll convince myself of it. And if I consistently tell people that I'm not so great, well, I'll believe that, too. You can, to a great extent, choose your outlook.

An exercise:
Look back on your day yesterday and pick out three reasons why it was a bad day. I'll help, even without knowing anything about it -
1-The weather was terrible; it was too hot/cold/sunny/windy/wet/dry.
2-Traffic was a pain; people in ____ are horrible drivers.
3-I hate talking to that one person every day that I can't avoid.
Now you pick three. It really was a horrible day, wasn't it?

Okay, now wipe that clean, and find three reasons why it was a great day. Here's a start:
1-I was healthy enough to go out/stay in and get ______ done; I've been meaning to do that.
2-For one meal, I ate _____ - I like that.
3-I talked to _______; they are actually pretty nice.
Now you pick three. Does it sound like a really good day yet? Didn't you have a great day?

So yes, you can, to an extent, determine whether you are having a great day or an awful one. And sometimes the big factor is how you answer the question "How are you?" So don't tell people you are 'fine'. Fine doesn't really mean anything; it's an invisible nothingness. Be Great. Heck, be Terrible if you need to, and accept some comfort from the person who asks. But be something; don't be invisible.

When my daughter was young, maybe in Kindergarten, she came home one day and told me that she had had a terrible day. And for some reason, she decided to identify herself as an animal in her misery. All melodramatically, she announced, "I... am a POSSUM." And I was amused. So I asked her, "I don't like possums.Could you maybe, just possibly, be a rat instead?" She agreed she could make that small step. "I am a rat!" And I asked her about another animal. Each time, we went a little higher on her/my estimation of the animal, until she was bouncing on the bed announcing what kind of animal she was. "I am a Horse!" "I am an Eagle!" And finally, I asked if she could be a cougar. Striking a dramatic pose, she declared "I... am a COUGRA!"