The boyfriend has been worrying himself a lot lately about the fact that his two girlfriends have not yet become close friends. I've blogged a couple of times touching on the subject. Basically, my reaction to that is that we are more likely to become friends when we are living together and spend more time around each other. The moving in process should create enough conflicts that we'll learn to get along better through that. And if we are both committed to getting along so we can be with him, well, it'll work itself out.
One of the issues is that she is also multiple - she has at least seven currently that I'm aware of, but has to reorganize a lot more frequently than I. And that means we're not talking about a relationship between two people. We're talking about one relationship shared among a dozen or more. Teachers could tell you, when you put a dozen people in a room and say, 'be friends', you're going to get a mixed bag of results. I really believe that most of her alters and most of my alters will be able to each get along with at least one person in the other's system, as time goes by. But some just won't.
Interestingly enough, the relationship I worry most of all about is her youngest and mine. Both are pretty possessive of the boyfriend, and both young enough to not like the idea of sharing. They relate to him a little differently; hers is much more innocent than mine, too. But I have faith in Kiara's ability to win people over.
She has one alter that is having serious jealousy problems over me. That one alter is very monogamous and doesn't want to share and is very angry that she's having to do so. Unfortunately, for a few weeks now, that alter has been the primary front. And she's acting out because of that jealousy and trying to sabotage the relationship the three of us have with pouting and guilt trips. This really makes me feel sad. And powerless. Because I'm not the one with the initial relationship with her, that puts the boyfriend square in the middle of it. He's put in the awkward position of having to somewhat play parent to her. I've tried to simply stay out of the way of that and be as supportive as possible of any changes he's needed to make to our plans because of it.
A few days ago, her system got together and decided that the jealousy and anger was becoming too big a problem. And they reorganized to pull that alter back some and not let her be in front as much. The last few days, mostly I've seen her slave alter. She's as devoted to her Master as is Cherish, but she's much more experienced at being a person, and not nearly as meek. And she doesn't share the jealousy issue - I make her Master happy, therefore she's pleased to have me there. I've really enjoyed speaking with her and I know we can get along well. We both want the household to run smoothly and happily, and can both compromise where needed.
So I think our (all three of us) relationship stands a much better chance of working well with this alter out. But it makes me very sad that the previous front-alter couldn't learn to get along from me, and has had to be pushed to the background instead. It feels like I've failed to get along with her, even though I know there's nothing really I could do. My hope is that, once we all live together for a few months, and she sees that I'm not going anywhere, but I'm not trying to push her out either, maybe we can get along okay, at least. I certainly understand her jealousy and anger, I just don't share it.
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