Oh, That Explains It [Me]

I've been meaning to tell you that I read your blog in its entirety. I am proud of you that you have figured out a way to really learn to live with something that would have other people completely like "waaaaaat!" In some ways, it is unsurprising, like, it makes sense. I can't put my finger on an exact time that this happened but there were times even way back in the day that I wondered if you could possibly be the same person.

I recently got this in a facebook message from someone that I worked with over ten years ago. And the part that gets me the most? "It makes sense." Another past coworker, when I told her, said, "Oh, that explains some things." And my daughter, when I told her, immediately pointed out a time when Rubi had been out around her.

This both comforts me and concerns me when it happens. Comfort, because it means I'm not making this all up. Yes, I still feel sometimes that I'm just pretending to have multiple personalities; it's not real. Maybe I'm just seeking attention, trying to make something about me special. And then I switch and there is no doubt in my mind that I am no longer in control. But to see that other people have seen it, even before I was doing it 'on purpose', reassures me.

Concern, because if I've been that 'off' all my adult life, why did it take me until my mid-thirties to realize it? How could I get this far while being that crazy? And have 'I' done things while someone else was fronting that I'm not aware of? I pride myself in the level of my self-introspection. I would say that I know myself(myselves) very, very well. But maybe I'm wrong on that, if I don't realize when and where a personality has 'slipped' out in the past.

There are no answers to either the concern or the comfort; they are just there. But I'm so terribly glad that I can be out to everyone (except at work or with my parents) without feeling condemned or unwanted. Thank you, my friends.