It's Alive [Me]

I mentioned before that Silent One is now sometimes active, and now I'm ready to elaborate. I've only written about Silent One once before, about three stages in it's existence. We're still in Stage Three - Exploration, but I think we can consider also being at a Stage Four - Full Existence as an Alter.

There seem to be two 'modes' of Silent One. The inactive, catatonic reaction to extreme situations is a mental escape. It's also an outcome from breathplay and being taken to the point of losing consciousness, but stopping just shy of it. In this state, I am somewhat aware of stimulus input, but it's very muted, and I/we can't react unless it's extremely negatively painful. However, as we come out of this state, the stimuli that was, to all appearances, ignored, compounds. The body will twitch, small twitches at first, building to whole body convulsions if something doesn't distract us.

The second, and newer mode of Silent One is an active one. When Silent One is active, I have some limited 'view' of its mind, but not nearly as clear as what I can 'see' with most of the other alters. Silent One is definitely animal, not human, and I feel a clear lack of gender definition. It doesn't think in words, only reactions and needs. It sniffs and licks things to find out about them. It will use teeth before hands, and then doesn't use the fingers at all. We thought at one point that it could be hard of hearing; I think maybe it just doesn't process the sound well - it will listen to the Boss talking by pressing its ear against his chest instead of listening at his mouth. And nothing he says registers as words - the tone is what it responds to. Its vision is very blurry, and better suited to the dark. 

Luckily, this active mode of Silent One seems to be pretty fond of the Boss. It has come out voluntarily a few times recently - usually when we are starting to fall asleep, and the control over who's in front is weakened. Or it will come out when an alter in front leaves and no one has stepped up to take their place yet. Just after orgasm is a 'weak moment' where it can come out easily. It usually starts by being very still and soaking up information about where we are. I will feel my hands close into an approximation of paws, and our breathing will deepen and be focused in the back of our throat. If the Boss is nearby, it will nuzzle him or sniff and lick at his skin. If he's careful, he can pet on it and interact. If he's not careful, it will pull away from him or nip at him.

Things we have learned.... Silent One does not like to be restrained in any manner. Although holding my wrists comforts most of us, it panics if held still. It doesn't like to expose its belly, but will snuggle up to the Boss laying on its side. If he growls or makes clicking noises at it, it will pay some attention. And although I haven't heard them, he's heard it make some noises - whines and growls and such. It likes for him to scratch at its back or rub my head. But if he moves suddenly or tries to force it to move, it will bite at him - something I know he hates.