Breakup with The Bear [Me]

Okay, it's time to write, even though I really don't feel like it. But avoiding blogging has helped me clear a lot of stuff off my to-do list, so it's not all bad. My system's had a pretty heavy shock this week, and I'm avoiding dealing with the emotions involved.

I've ended things with the Bear, my sadist and sometime-dominant. We played together for about two years, but life has interfered to the point that we rarely get together at all. Add to that, he's now involved with a friend of mine, and doesn't seem to be able to be that close to both of us. I knew he is monogamously inclined, as he knew I am not.  But whereas I have no trouble having a play relationship with him and a romantic one elsewhere, he doesn't seem to be able to split the two.  And so, he has all but ignored my existence for several months, except when I've broken down and had a fit about it. And I fear that, should he give me a reasonable amount of attention, she won't be getting enough. He just isn't wired that way.

Unfortunately, I did see this coming; I even posted about it. But I have a bad habit of letting negative things drag out, hoping they will get better. This situation isn't getting any better, and I've been eating myself up inside over it for months. And the Boss has made me put an end to it. This week, he talked to me about it, and denied me permission to go to a party at the Bear's house. A party to which I would have gone, then come home miserable because I had been ignored again. Further, he said it was time to make the decision to end things and quit putting it off. And he was right. And I did. I wrote the Bear an email breaking things off definitively rather than just letting them fizzle out.

This is how the dominant/submissive relationship is supposed to play out. He didn't just decide on a whim that I should do something, and order it done. He isn't forcing me to change things in my life for his amusement. Instead, he's looking out for my well-being, and pushing me to make solid the decision I've been holding onto for way too long. He's helping me do what's right for me. That's what a dom is supposed to do. Now, because he does that, yes, sometimes he gets to make me do things for his own convenience or amusement. But those aren't the important interactions; ones like this one are the important ones.