So, in the comments for the last post, Kiara commented about her Issi. And I realize that that could be confusing. We've talked in a previous post about what do I call my boyfriend's other girlfriend (answer - technical term is metamour). But we haven't talked much about the different relationships he has with us. At least, I don't think I've written about that yet.
Generally, when I write about him, I just use the term 'boyfriend'. First, because that's what he is to me. He's my boyfriend - I'm in love with him and intend to spend my next years with him. We do all the boyfriend/girlfriend stuff everyone else does - make silly faces and touch too much and giggle and have sex and go places as a couple. But I also use the term boyfriend because it's a good catch-all phrase that covers what he is to each of us. And when I introduce him, I'll say boyfriend, because one simple definition is kinder to other people. I call him by his name, or use the same kind of silly pet-names other people use - sweetie, honey, love....
But he isn't exactly 'boyfriend' to everyone in the system. We each have a slightly different relationship to him. To Jarett, he's a friend - an ally in dealing with all these female types. He can be a buddy and someone to hang out with. To Lynn, he's another person responsible for maintaining our mental health, someone she can bounce ideas off of or consult with. Both of them would call him by his name, simply.
Rubi occasionally speaks to him directly, but I don't know that she's ever used his name. He's an adversary, someone that has the ability to give her some of what she wants if she stays within certain behavioral limits. But he's also a control on her. She's found that testing him isn't always to her taste - if she pushes too hard, everyone ends up unhappy inside, so she saves her worst behavior for other play partners. She doesn't play to her full limit with him, holding something back to get 'fed' over the long term instead. He knows where her buttons are and will use them if she gets out of line.
For Sam, the boyfriend is one of her favorite kind of people - a repeat customer. When she wants to play and have fun, she can count on him to play with her, and to know what she likes and doesn't like. He's fun and he's motivated to make her happy and entertain her. So he's great to have around. And if he wants to play some kissy-face and have sex, well that's just fun stuff too. But he doesn't get in the way of other fun she wants to have, either, so it's the best of both worlds.
So aside from me, everyone so far is simply friends with him. Boyfriend is too strong a term. But for Cherish and Kiara, it's too weak a term - they each have a very special relationship to him separate from my own. Cherish was created for him in particular. She is uniquely his in a way that the rest of us cannot be - with so many facets of her personality in place because of his preferences. He is Master to her slave, and Master is what she calls him.
But he 'belonged' to Kiara first. While I was still just regular friends with him, she was already head-over-heels in love with him. And she loves him with the intensity of a child that still believes love can magically fix anything. In the happily-ever-after sense. When I was learning who he was, he was her Prince Charming. And that hasn't changed. He is the most important person in her world. He's part boyfriend/crush, part teacher, part father figure. She decided that she needed her own name for him, but didn't want to call him 'Daddy' because other people might misunderstand. So she chose to call him Issi, which means Daddy in Estonian.
So he's boyfriend, love, buddy, co-counselor, adversary, keeper, playmate, friend, Master, and Daddy to us, all in turn. I think that averages out to 'boyfriend' over all, don't you?
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