Say Something [Me]

How do singletons address multiples? How do multiples address other multiples? Reading another multiple's blog, they were talking about conversation with yet another multiple and addressing those two questions. Here are some of their thoughts:

I know, even as a multiple, I am concerned about how I am perceived by alters within a system. I know all too well what kind of chaos can be triggered by a well meaning but misunderstood gesture. But I also know the price we multiples pay because others don't know what to say, so they say nothing....

First off, in that post I had made reference to the fact that some alters believe that they are truly a separate person from the others and they really want to be treated as such.... To encourage an alter to be or maintain separateness from a system would not be productive for the alter or the system. But to feel connected to a particular alter who you see as a friend and respond with support out of friendship is needed and shouldn't be withheld in fear of doing the wrong thing. I don't think any harm can be done by offering a particular alter support. However, I think ending a comment by also including reference to the entire system would be even better.  

We, multiples, start off feeling like we are freaks who don't deserve the care and understanding of others. Kind supportive words mean the world to us. I would encourage lurkers on the blogs of multiples (and others for that matter) who are going through tough times, to comment....That can go miles in helping someone through a difficult time....

I think the most important thing I can say about interacting with multiples is don't be afraid. We are really normal people, we're just separated into parts. We have the same wants and needs as everyone else. We need to be accepted and loved.

Several of my alters have particularly close friendships with different people. Now, I'm friends with all these people, too, but not necessarily as close. Kiara, in particular, has made several friends that she's closer to than I am at times. It's okay to be better friends with one alter than another, even the host. Think if you were hanging out with several siblings. You're probably going to be closer to one than another, but can still count them all as friends.

But I've been guilty myself of not knowing what to say to another multiple. I feel like I should know what to say, being one myself, and that makes me self-conscious. And I can understand how, if you're pretty sure I'm not in front, but you don't know who is, that could make you hesitant to approach. But do. If you ask who's out, or tentatively call whoever it is by name, we'll answer. If you're right, that alter will surely be pleased to be recognized, and if not, we'll correct you. Or just talk to us without identifying who's out - we're fine with that, too. The only person who's expected to know which of us is out most the time is the boyfriend, and he asks, too, sometimes.