Kiara and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day (Me)

Yesterday at work was miserable. When I walked in the door, things were falling apart and no one was there but me. It took all morning just to get everyone there and get the emergency taken care of and settled out. Then we played catch-up all afternoon to get the stuff done we should have been able to handle in the morning, except for that emergency situation. So yeah, by the time quitting time rolled around, I was stressed and exhausted. And still had errands to get done before coming back to work for a meeting. Something was about to snap.

Meeting over, I headed home, where I got an unpleasant surprise - I was going to be pretty much by myself all evening. Stress plus alone time can easily equal depression, which means Rubi comes out, and will usually do some self-cutting. Yes, she's a cutter. She's agreed only to cut certain places, and negotiates for how many cuts before the rest of us will let her do so. But honestly, I didn't have the mental energy for those negotiations last night.

And then, to my surprise, Kiara took over instead of Rubi. I always forget how strong she is in character, because she's so sweet and pleasant. But she can be very insistent. She got out her coloring book and crayons, and sat down in front of the computer. And not one, but two of her favorite people happened to be on IM, so she got to chat all evening with the two of them. There aren't many people that she can talk to online, but what luck that they were both there last evening. She talked about coloring and Pooh Bear's shirt, about dresses and friends and hugs. She talked about favorite Disney movies and songs and bedtime books. And these two folks talked with her about these things. And she colored too.

It's fun for me to watch Kiara when she's out. She's aware that she's an alternate personality - it's a little hard to hide the fact that the body is over 30 years old, while she's only six. And so she knows she won't ever grow up - unless she wants to. So she uses that fact. She likes to say things that might shock the grownups a little, but still being cute all the while. For instance, she can and will talk about sex - not something the average six-year-old will do. But she's a little fuzzy on what it actually involves, because she checks out as soon as the snuggly sweet part is done. Mostly, it's nice to be feel her joy in the simple things - finishing a page of coloring, singing a little song to herself, someone calling her by name. She's so easy to make happy, and I get to share her happiness.

It's fun to watch her type and color, too. She's left-handed. I couldn't figure out, at first, why coloring wouldn't bring out my little alter. But I was coloring right-handed. Something happened to make me realize that Jarett is left-handed, so I thought I'd try coloring left-handed. And there was Kiara. So she's learning to color. She can write her name if she concentrates on it. And her typing - it's interesting to see where she draws skills from me and where she doesn't. Now, I touch-type at about 60wpm, faster if I'm upset. I've been touch-typing since I was about 9 years old; it's easier for me than writing. It's a little more of a struggle for Kiara. She hunts and pecks with one finger (on her left hand), but barely has to look at the keyboard. So she has my knowledge of where the keys are, but the motor skill to press the keys is at her own level; she can't type with two hands. Her spelling can be pretty atrocious, and capitalization and grammar are pretty typical of a six-year-old. She also uses some texting abbreviations. It's interesting.

So yeah, my body went to bed about 10 o'clock last night. But I checked out before 7 pm. Kiara had pretty much three hours to herself, by herself. And nothing was bleeding or broken when I woke up, as there would have been if Rubi had been out for three hours alone. The only evidence is a pretty coloring page now up on my wall.