So for the last couple of years, since right before I realized I was multiple, I've been identifying myself as kinky. I go to a BDSM club most weekends, and most of the people I hang out with are kinky folks. For the uninitiated, this means that I like to hang out with people that are into some behaviors that 'normal society' might not approve of. We like to tie each other up, beat on each other, or follow some behavior protocols that might not be typical at your house. We're very careful about not harming each other, and we realize that, after all, it's all a big game. And I've found that most kinky people are much more open-minded, at ease with each other's quirks, and pretty introspective. But how does this fit in with being multiple?
The BDSM world is a good place for multiples. Kinky folks are accustomed to seeing each other take on different roles and behavior sets. And as a group, they believe that just because something doesn't work for them, doesn't mean it's bad for you. So if I want to call myself Jarett and dress as a man one evening, they'll call me by that name and treat me as a man, no problem. And kinky folks are okay with using an alternate name when at the club - many people do so for privacy reasons. Or, when I tell my kinky friends that I'm multiple, the reaction is more likely to be curiousity than anything else. There is an implicit permission to be someone else for whatever reason. That doesn't mean we are all kinky. It does mean that we like hanging out with kinky folk, but not all of us enjoy the same kinds of activities.
A certain amount of BDSM is about playing with pain - pushing your body and mind to see what it can and will take, and enjoying the endorphins that come from that. Some people hit the punching bag; some people like to be the punching bag. Sam and I both enjoy playing with pain a lot. We like being beaten - within very defined safety limits - and will laugh and encourage the person doing so to continue. Sam and I tend to overlap a lot and react very similarly during pain-play. I find that I like it a bit lighter; something along the lines of a heavy massage is perfect for me. Sam likes it a little more intense; she is either pushing our body to see how much she can stand or trying to push the person we're playing with to see how much she can get away with. When the intensity steps up another notch, we'll shift to Rubi. Rubi doesn't play with the pain to enjoy it; she wants to suffer or cause suffering. The suffering is what rewards her and drives her. It's a good outlet for the dark emo part of my psyche that she has taken as her own.
Another huge part of BDSM is role-play. 'Let's Pretend' isn't just for kids. People pretend to be animals, slaves, the opposite gender, different ages, and generally take on different roles. The pretend can be very lighthearted or very deep and serious. And kinky folk encourage and participate in others' pretenses. Kiara interacts with the kink world in a different way from Sam or Rubi or I. She doesn't like pain at all, but she loves to be hugged and petted on and cuddled. She is a little girl, and kinky folk will treat her as a little girl. They will read her bedtime stories, and color with her, and talk to her the same way you would talk with any other six-year-old. Completely discounting the fact that the body she's in is that of an adult.
That leaves three more of us. Jarett doesn't really seem to approve of this kinky stuff. He doesn't want to try any of it. However, I have cross-dressed to go out with kinky folk, and Jarett flitted on- and off-stage pretty frequently. These are folks that will accept him, regardless of the body he's in. Counselor rarely takes control of the body anyway; and she encourages anything that works to keep us happy in ourself (ourself - is that a legitimate word even? Or should it be myselves?). She observes, and will step in if she thinks there is a safety issue. And then there's Silent One. There would have to be something terribly horribly wrong for this one to come out at all; so of course there's no participation from it in my kink.
So kink isn't for all of us; but it's good therapy for some of us. We can each pursue our own interests and shift as needed to play together. And kinky people accept me for whoever we might be at the moment.
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