Watching Videos [Me]

I've been sent a few links to videos about folks with DID, thought I'd share them.

This one's a woman switching with an EEG hooked up - it shows that there are changes during a switch.




And the next two are an interview of a spouse of someone with DID (the volume is very low on these):


and


I love when she said, "I feel like I've been on a reality show..." in reference to meeting alters for the first time, and the alters knew her already from watching from within, but she didn't know them yet.

About Therapy [Me]

We've been reading blogs of other multiples a lot lately. And a lot of what we're reading involves the writer complaining about how their therapist (or T) is unavailable or unreliable. This really irritates me. I know from dealing with myselves, at least, that consistency is really important for a multiple, or anyone who is struggling with mental issues. When the world inside your head isn't under control, it's very important to lock down as much as possible outside your head to be predictable and without surprise. When you have an appointment at a certain date and time, you must keep it. And if there is no way to avoid changing it, it's terribly important to let your patient know as early (and gently) as possible, and to immediately make an alternate plan so they don't feel like they've been abandoned.

Instead, I'm reading where T's are going out of town and just not showing up for an appointment, or telling a patient they will call them to check on them the next day but never do it, or not returning emails or voicemails left for them, or constantly changing the date and time of appointments. This has got to be so frustrating for the multiples they are treating! It really makes me angry on behalf of these other multiples.

And yet, the other day, I heard someone telling my boyfriend that we're considering starting therapy. Another multiple we know has a therapist who is experience with DID and at least aware of her kink, and we could easily get a referral. But I didn't think we needed therapy - we seem to be working together well and functioning happily through life. Lynn has been able to be counselor for us all this time so far. Why are we considering therapy? And why aren't I a part of the discussion? Maybe someone just wants to be like the other multis, and have a T to complain about...

Holiday Hassles [Me]

It seems like the holidays are always hard on everyone. And this year has been no exception. I somehow didn't expect it to be a problem for us, but I was wrong. Granted, it wasn't that bad, and I've recovered, but it was a problem. By the way, I'm going to reference that map I made previously of our inner space - here's a link: http://pinterest.com/pin/94083079685212707/. I'm going to reference that space as if it's physical and real, because that's how I experienced it this weekend.

As I mentioned in the last post, my parent were down for the weekend, and when they're around, I generally 'shut down' the multiple part of my thoughts and go singleton for that time. I don't switch around them at all. This time, we had an exception to that. My daughter gave me an awesome gift that brought Kiara catapulting out to squeal with joy. And then we quickly shuffled her back inside to bounce around a bit before they noticed.

I'm wondering if that fast push to get her out of the way may have caused the problem. We rarely shove each other out of the front room; we try to be cooperative about it. But with the parents around, it's like the lights in all the rooms except the front have been turned off. Everyone's been tiptoeing around in the dark being quiet so that I can stay in front. But when we yanked Kiara back to the back, it's like that door got shut and locked. For the next couple of days, it was just me - all was quiet.

Then my parents left, and I thought we'd start switching around like we normally do. And... nothing. I stayed out. Several situations came up that would normally cause a switch. And... nothing. The door was locked, and I didn't have a key. And the quiet up front was beginning to depress me. I worked more on finding pictures for our pinboards, hoping that it would encourage someone to take over to work on their own board, but it didn't happen.

Well, of course other people around me also had reactions to the holidays. The bad moods went all around the house, and then everyone was struggling to fake being cheerful, and that eventually came crashing down, as that sort of thing often does. Remember how I said that Silent One could go through the wall into the front room? It doesn't need to use the door. And when everything crashed, Silent One took over. I found myself on the other side of the door, too, locked inside. I knew the body was safe; Silent One manifests as a state of low consciousness, almost catatonic. And the boyfriend would see that it was taken care of.

Being locked inside gave me an opportunity to go around and turn all the lights back on. Kiara and I walked around, turning on lights and touching things. She's very tactile, so she has to touch everything before it seems real to her. We touched everything and turned on all the lights, and knocked on all the doors to let everyone know the coast was clear. This was nice for me, as I rarely get to leave the front few rooms. So I got a bit of a tour. But we were still locked out of the front room.

Apparently, Cherish has a key, or something. Our boyfriend was beginning to worry about the body, since it was still semi-catatonic. And because she can't stand to see him worry, she simply walked in front and took over from Silent One. She's shown this ability to quietly switch in before, but I was surprised at how strong it was, yet subtle - didn't even create a headache. And once she had done so, the rest of us could go in and out as normal. Everything is unlocked and the lights are on.

Pinterest is Fun! [Me]

Another blog mentioned Pinterest, and I finally got my invite yesterday, so I've spent my day today pinning things to boards. My boards are located at http://pinterest.com/marthatori/ - I've made one for each of us and we're pinning on pictures that look like the self-image we have or pictures that really really appeal to each of us deep down. We want to know what we each look like, even though we all share a face. Go look, it'll make more sense. I'm loving this.

Working on my pinboards, though, means everyone's switching in and out as we look at photos. When someone sees one they like, they yell out inside my head, and jump in to share with me and pin that image. So we're switching in and out and around a whole lot, and I'm getting a headache. But it's very exciting, too. We've been really extra-switchy the last few days. Sometimes it's been hard to keep focused on things.

One reason for this is that my parents are coming for a visit. I'm expecting them to arrive this afternoon, and they'll stay through Monday morning. When my parents are around, I usually lock down pretty tight and don't switch around at all. So it may be that we're switching a lot now, knowing we won't be switching for a couple of days.

And my daughter's coming down with them. The last time she visited, I told her about being multiple, and as she was leaving, I gave her a 'cast list' of who we all are. But I haven't really had much time to talk to her about it in-depth. So when my parents leave, and she stays, we'll talk about that some probably. Maybe I have a little bit of nerves from that.

Aside from those things - it's Christmas! Understandably, Kiara's really excited. It'll be the first Christmas that Cherish has experienced, too. Kiara's already received a present just for her, and someone told Cherish that he was getting her a present of her own too. This is exciting stuff, and excitement means switching, and switching means headaches. Totally worth it...

MPD Joke! [Sam]

We're reading blogs again - and here's a joke. Hey, I think it's funny...

Q:     How many alters does it take to change a light bulb?
A:     As many as are aware the light bulb is being changed!  One to change the bulb, one to change it back, three to argue over whether they want it light or dark, one to throw the light bulb against the wall to hear it crash, one to clean up the mess, one to go shopping for new bulbs and come home with stockings, [licorish], Disney movies, popcorn and masking tape, one to cry about the poor smashed light bulb, one to comfort her, one more to... You get the picture.  ;)


And one from another blog I'm reading too:



Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I have split personalities."
Doctor: "Well you'd better both sit down then."

Really, I'm (We're) Fine [Me]

I just finished posting a note on Facebook that's part apology, part reflection, and part a teaching on the importance of perspective. I thought I'd just copy it here.

Someone recently pointed this out to me, and I wanted to share and apologize. It's a reminder how experience and your viewpoint can affect your perception of things.

Let's take a hypothetical person who is a lot like me. She's spent her entire adult life raising her child, but now that child is grown up and gone off to college. Most of her family has moved out of town, and after two failed marriages, she's lost a lot of her friends from years past. She's been stuck in the same job for nearly ten years, and always seems to be just making it by financially. And yet she stays extremely busy, as if she's chasing after some fun before it's too late. In the fall a year after her child headed off to college, she starts posting a lot on Facebook about going to the doctor. Then she shaves her head clean. And then starts giving away a lot of her belongings, with some thin excuse about simplifying her life. This is someone who's always been prone to some moodiness, and is known to try to over-plan things to be in control of them. What's the reasonable conclusion about this woman? Cancer? Some other terminal disease? Maybe a suicide risk?

For anyone who has followed those clues to one of these scary conclusions, I'd like to apologize. I never intended to worry anyone. But it's a perfectly reasonable conclusion - just not a correct one.

Let's tell the story a different way. I have done a kick-ass job of raising my daughter into a fabulous human being. And in the last few years, I've worked hard to redefine myself by gathering in new friends that I really enjoy spending time with. I'm running around have a lot of fun - because now I have the time and a tiny bit of free cash to do so. My job is stable, so if I want to do something fun and a little crazy like shaving my head, I'm not really worried that it's going to cost me my job or anything. And yet, along with having a lot of fun, it's time to be responsible and get my life all in order. That includes getting some long overdue dental work and medical checkups to make sure I can handle the fun I'm getting into. And part of cleaning up my responsibilities included looking around and realizing that I have a lot of stuff that I have 'by default'. It's stuff leftover from when Mom moved. Or stuff that I had for some purpose long ago but haven't used in years. Or stuff that's just accumulated and is taking up space. So it needs to go.

Anyway, lesson learned about perspective. I'm fine, there's nothing wrong with my health that losing 40 pounds wouldn't fix. Shaving my head was for fun, not in fear. And I'm getting rid of stuff because I just have too much of it. Love to you guys for caring, and apologies to anyone that I may have worried. Relax, and come hang out sometime.

What's It Like? [Me]

Time for reading in other multi's blogs! Today's selection: http://twcrew.blogspot.com/2011/08/whats-it-like-to-switch.html - "What's it like to switch?" is the topic. This multi likens DID to the old TV show Quantum Leap. And I went - "Yeah! That!"


I had to be like Sam Beckett trying to figure out the missing pieces, while preventing people from realizing I was someone else, and trying to figure out what tasks had to be done before I leapt out of there.


Sudden and unexpected switches are JUST like that. I don't often have that kind of switch - usually it's an intentional thing. But when I find myself suddenly in control, there are several moments of quietly checking out where we're at. Is there a clock nearby? Who's around - and do I know them? Was I wearing these clothes last time I was at? There are a lot of contextual clues that I've learned to check to figure out what's going on. Hopefully, by the time I've decoded those clues, whoever was just out will make some notes on the mental whiteboard to help me re-integrate to the outside.


I was talking with the b/f last night about switching, and the pressure in my head when a switch is  in progress. And the best description of the effect is the Degauss effect on a monitor: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdJQ7Vptn_U&feature=related. A clear view from whatever alter is in charge, then a degauss shudder, and a clear view from the new person in charge.

Internal System Map [Me]

Ever since we checked out that other page where someone had shown a picture of their internal system map - or at last an example of an internal system map, the idea has been floating around in our mind. Last night, Kiara sat down and scribbled one out on paper, with some grown-up help. I've spent most of today, with her help, putting it on digital. And here's the final result:

As you can see, it doesn't look a lot like an office. Several people have their own personal rooms, that only they can go in and out of. The room off to the left is a quiet space, where the outside world doesn't intrude. The room off to the right is a space where people can be very aware of the outside world, and can communicate with whomever is in control at the Spotlight space. There's a whiteboard between the Sharing Room and the Spotlight Room for notes. And a hallway for moving around between rooms.

And just behind the Spotlight Room is a Watching Room, with two-way glass in the wall between them, like a police interrogation room. The chair with the purple rug is Lynn's. She controls whether the door to the Locked Away room is locked or unlocked, and she's always watching what's going on out front. She can also see the whiteboard from there. The other chair is Kiara's, but anyone may use it to watch out front. It's a small space, though, and it gets very uncomfortable when too many people try to crowd around.

There's plenty of space in the Sharing Room, though. People there can see and hear what's happening out front, and the person in front can see and hear them, too, though the person they are interacting with can't. And they can get to the whiteboard to make or read notes, too. The Sharing Room has other distractions, so someone there might not be paying attention to everything out front, but they can. Too many people in there does make it very loud and hard for the person in front to focus.

I am limited to the front three rooms - I always have to be Watching, Sharing, or in the Spotlight. Lynn is usually in her chair watching, but goes in the Sharing Room sometimes. Silent One is almost always Locked Away, curled up on the black leather couch. If it comes out, it can pass through the wall back and forth without going through the other spaces. Everyone else has their own space, and has free run of the entire mind-space except for other peoples' rooms.

You know, here's another analogy I just thought of - that computer on the reception desk. Everyone has a passworded login, just like you would (or at least should) at home or at work. Some people have access to certain files and programs, and some don't - just like some of us have access to different memories and skills. Lots of things are common to all users, but not everything. I'm an admin user, and should have access to everything, but some things are hidden even from me.

I showed this map in an unfinished form to a friend that knows several of us, and she said it really helped her understand some of the things I've said about who's in and out and watching and what not. So I hope it helps other people, too. It certainly helps us, and has been fun to do, too.

Are My Memories True? [Me, Lynn]

Again, I'm reading another multiple's blog, called Living with Multiple Personalities. The writer is also a mental health counselor. And one of the questions another reader asked is how can one know that memories are true and accurate. Their answer:
That is a question survivors ask themselves and their counselors over and over again. Unfortunately, there isn't an easy answer. No one can be totally sure of the accuracy of all of their memories unless they have been followed by video cameras their entire lives! So save yourself the torture and accept that your memories, and the memories that your alters have, are true... but they may not be accurate.

I've often struggled with trying to 'prove' my memories accurate or not. One exercise that always frustrates me - think back to a memory of you and a parent when you were middle-school aged. Try to envision the small things - some clothing you wore, decorations on the wall. Then ask that parent (or use someone else you knew then) about that memory, without giving away those details, and see if you can get those details out of them. Then share your memories with them. You'll often find them saying "Oh, we didn't have that color on the walls then; it was three years later that I painted them that color" or otherwise remembering something specifically contradictory to what you are remembering.

And the details don't really matter, do they? Does it matter when the walls were painted blue? Or how old you were when you got that pair of shoes? The blue wall is obviously important to you, and the shoes. The timeline, not as much. The emotions and memories that you attach to the sensation of those details is important - and in that sense, true for you. However, they may not be accurate.

I remember finding a picture a few years ago of my mother. From the location, I can tell it was taken when I was between five and ten years old. She's on her knees in the back yard doing some gardening. And she is very heavy in the picture. She seesawed a lot on weight for most of my childhood, but I don't ever remember her looking that heavy. And neither does she - because when I showed her the picture, she said it wasn't her. Her mind so fights seeing her that heavy that she can't even see that it is her. The picture must be treated as more accurate than her memory or mine - it's a photo, after all. But is it important? I think not. For her, and for me, we both remember her as skinnier than the photo. And I think that is a more 'real' picture of her in my mind. Nevermind accuracy.

Reading Along With Us [Me]

Okay, my blogs to follow are back today - some days they are there, some days they aren't. Today, they are, so I'm going to start reading a blog called "Living with Multiple Personalities." Before I get to the blog itself, there's a link to this page - http://www.2multiples.com/twcrew/47_page.html - that likens a multiple system to an office arrangement with cubicles. I'm liking it already.

It's a pretty good analogy. Please feel free to refer to it. I would draw in a little break room where one or a couple of alters could go to complete separate themselves from the rest and be unaware of what's happening in the office - unavailable, too.

They make a distinction between being co-conscious and being blended. Co-conscious meaning some thoughts and memories are shared between two alters, but both are conscious as to what belongs to whom. Blended meaning that they are overlapping a lot, sharing most thoughts and emotions and control at the time, with only a little distinction between the two. My system tends to be very blended a lot of the time. Sometimes I'm not sure who said or thought or did something until I focus on the 'flavor' of the thoughts happening. Then I can usually tell who's responsible.

I Might Be Poly... [Me]

I was reading this light-hearted post at The Polyamory Paradigm:
http://polyamoryparadigm.blogspot.com/2011/11/you-might-be-poly-if.html

-If you oogle the same people as your partner, and discuss their hotness, you might be poly.
I've occasionally discussed the hotness of a guy with my boyfriend. And I know I've heard him discuss the hotness of a girl with his other girlfriend.

-You might be poly if you get excited when your partner has a date.
I'm still working on this one. The sharing happily isn't exactly against my nature, but I still would rather have his attention for myself.

-If you like talking things to death, then resurrecting them just to talk them to death again, you might be poly.
I didn't know that was a poly trait, specifically. I've just always likeed talking things to death. Makes me feel secure in my decisions. (And sometimes lets an alter listen in or participate that didn't get to the first time.)

-If your idea of a shower involves more than one person, you might be poly.
Yes, please. Showers are always better shared.

-When invited to events you ask how many of your partners you can bring, you might be poly.
I've yet to figure out how to ask this one easily.

-If you know what a Cuddle Party is, or have ever been to one, you might be poly.
Cuddle parties are so my favorite thing. I want to have a room with padded walls and mattresses reaching to every corner.

-If the number of places at the dinner table varies depending on how many of your partners are coming, you might be poly.There is sometimes a flurry of texting trying to determine the headcount for supper.

-You might be poly if you keep a calendar to know where you are sleeping each night.
Hey, I rarely have to consult the calendar anymore. I know which nights I sleep where... usually.

-If you have ever been told "You just want a harem!", you might be poly.
Not me, but my boyfriend jokes that he wants one. Of course, with two girlfriends who are each multiple, he gets his harem.

-If someone says "Your boyfriend/girlfriend is cute" and you wonder which one they are talking about, you might be poly.My boyfriend IS cute. And so are several other guys that I like to spend my time with.

-If you neighbors ask how many adults actually live in your house, you might be poly.
Sometimes, I'll just tell people I'm into community theatre, and suddenly they aren't surprised by any number of people going in and out of my house.

Okay, so it's just fun stuff - but truths lie in the jokes we make.

Call Us Meronym [Me]

I've recently added one more name to the list of those I'll answer to: Meronym. But this is not a new alter, or a name taken by an alter. Instead, it's a gestalt name, one that applies to the entire system as a whole.

A meronym is a grammatical term meaning 'a part of something used to refer to the whole'. The most frequent example is using faces to mean people, as in "I've seen a lot of faces over the years," but meaning that you've met a lot of people. (By the way, a gestalt is "a structure, configuration, or pattern or physical, biological, or psychological phenomena so integrated as to constitute a functional unit with properties not derivable by summation of its parts.)

So, although there are eight personalities inside my head, we share one common body, and a large part of our memory and functions. We have a structure; a gestalt. And we've chosen to take on the name Meronym to refer to the entire structure as opposed to any one of us. Technically, any one of us is a meronym for the system, so we are a collection of meronyms forming a gestalt. But Meronym, as a name, will suffice.

So how do you know whether to use the name Meronym or not? I have an example (don't I always?). Let's say there's a family of people named Smith - Joe, Jane, John, Jim, and Jerry. If you pick up the phone, and recognize the person on the line, you might say "Hi Jim". If a male answers and you're not sure which of them it is, you might say, "Hello, Mr. Smith." But if you're referring to the family as a whole, not its individual members, you would just say "The Smiths." So - to apply that to us... If you know which alter you're dealing with, use their name - "Hi Sam", "Hi Kiara", etc. If you're not sure who you're dealing with, you're probably safer in just using my name - "Hello, M-." But if you want to refer to the gestalt, the entire structure, not a single personality, use Meronym -"This is a gift for Meronym."

I hope that helps any confusion. And you know, if it doesn't, well just use whatever works easiest for you. We're accustomed to making do and taking whatever effort is needed to get along with the singletons world out there.

What's Your Poison? [Me]

We've learned over the last couple of years that our responses to medicines can be unreliable. And from what I've read, it seems this is common among multiples. How we respond to medicine depends heavily on which alter was in control when we took it, who's in control now, and what the problem is that we took it for.

Narcotic pain meds are the easiest example to notice. In the past, narcotics have a few times been known to put all of us to sleep except Kiara. She is apparently very resistant to pain meds. However, she doesn't handle pain well. Any kind of pain meds, though, tend to make us fuzzy in the head, like I'm in the middle of switching back and forth quickly.

Yesterday, I had a tooth pulled. Now the last few times I've had dental work, the local used by the dentist has not taken hold as solidly as it should, so they've had to use a lot of it, and even then, my feet started going numb before my mouth did - and this was a local anesthetic that should not have affected the rest of my body. The dentist I saw yesterday, though, took it really slow, injecting once, then waiting a while before injecting more. And most of my head went numb easily, so needing less of the drug and not affecting the rest of my body. I did get the shakes, but that seems to be normal.

There may also be some correlation between my switching and the anesthesia. Usually I try to stay solidly in control, dealing with the entire visit on my own. Yesterday, I actually had two appointments, with  a little time between, and the tooth was pulled on the second one. Perhaps my control was not as tight as usual. And besides, I asked Sam to see if she could turn some of the pain I was getting in both visits to something a little more fun. She said dental pain just isn't sexy; no go. But she tried anyway. And I felt Cherish in there taking some of the pain onto herself, rolling it away as she does. I wonder if it was because we were working together that the drugs worked so well.

When I left the dentist, I was more clearheaded than I would expect after being all drugged up, and had no trouble driving to the pharmacy and waiting for my pain meds. I got all the way home with my face still numb and still not hurting much.

Unfortunately, that's the end of the good news. I took an hydrocodone when I got home, as I was starting to hurt in my mouth. The numbness slowly wore off, but it doesn't seem like the hydrocodone ever did kick in. I couldn't manage to switch to any of the alters until my boyfriend got home and was able to call Cherish out - that's not unusual when I'm hurting or feeling bad - no one else wants to hurt or feel bad either. And still, the pain was there. But Cherish accepted it and rolled it away, so it wasn't a problem. And yet, the meds should have reduced the pain - and my thinking as well. We couldn't even tell we'd taken any pills at all.

Today, I'm at work, so I've got to be out. I took another hydrocodone, and this one did dampen the pain a little bit, and made me sleepy a lot. Well, at least Kiara's not stuck here trying to do my job!

Multiplicity: Loss of Routine [Me]

Reading at Multiplicity again today. She has a post there about routine - my comments:
We have certain routines that are practically sacred to us, and others we can do without. When I get up in the morning, no matter who's out, we follow the same routine of bathroom and brushing teeth and dressing in the same order. These are things that I can usually do the same way even when I'm not home. It makes us very tense and twitchy when the routines are broken, though.

I think it's typical of multiples, but I'm just guessing, based on my experience. Routine is extremely important to me, for several reasons.

It's comforting because it's familiar, even when other things in the world around us may be unfamiliar and scary. Waking up in a bed that I don't remember falling asleep in can be terrifying, and it happens fairly often. But if I can get up, go to the bathroom, put in eyedrops, and brush my teeth - like I do every morning - that gives me a stretch of time to check around, find out how we got from my last memory to now. When I went out of town recently, I made sure to have deoderant, toothbrush, eyedrops, etc. all out where I could follow the same routine in the morning getting ready that I do at home. And it helped.

It's a way of establishing control in a world I don't control all that well. Even little things, like the order in which I put on my clothes, reassures me that I can impose my will on how things are getting done. I might not be able to control who does what during the day sometimes, but I can control this right now.

It helps confirm that things get done when it's not always the same person doing it. It doesn't matter who performs the routine, but as long as it all gets finished, we're okay. Kiara might choose a different toothpaste than, say, Lynn. But either way, teeth get brushed. And so on.

I bring up brushing teeth because, right now, it's not getting done in the proper order every day. The sink at my boyfriend's house gets clogged up sometimes, and if it has water sitting, I've skipped brushing my teeth. And that makes me grumpy for a few minutes. I mean, I can brush when I get to work or something, but just having that change to my routine sets off a negative reaction. Because I'm a grown-up, and I'm aware of it, I can deal with it, of course. But it is a little unsettling. And that bit of discontent is enough to remind me just how important my routines are to me.

Like when I come into my house. I need to come in, set things down, let the dog out, put awy the things I carried in, and then use the bathroom. I really need to do these things before I do anything else. Sometimes there's someone there wanting my attention, to ask me a question or something, before I get all that done. And I know I'm very grumpy with them and not very helpful. I'm especially a terror when someone starts talking to me before I even have the door all the way open. For people likely to be at my house when I'm coming home, I try to explain to them that I need those few minutes to establish myself in my house before I'm going to be at all easy to get along with. Sometimes they remember, sometimes not.

Reading Multiplicity... Reactions People Have [Me]

I'm mad at Google. The other day, I marked about six blogs to follow, including Sunshine and Shadows. And they are all gone now. A couple of them also follow Sunshine and Shadows, so I can find them from there to follow, because I made comments there. But I was looking forward to reading them, so I'm unhappy. And I can't remember how I found them before.

So I'm reading one now that's called Multiplicity, which is a word I use a lot to refer to my 'condition'. Because I don't like using the word 'disorder' - I don't feel like it's messed up my life enough to call it a disorder.

When people find out about the DID there are 2 reactions I wait for - the first when they hear about it, the second when they actually meet one of my alts - particularly a little one. Its not that people don't believe me when I first explain it - they just cant really comprehend it - I can understand that... There is such a difference between hearing about something and actually seeing it. I am never sure someone is really okay with me having DID until after they have spent time with at least one of my alts.

I agree with her on this. Lots of people that I've told about my multiplicity basically shrug and say okay. And I don't know what kind of 'okay' that is until they actually interact with an alter. I've learned that 'okay' can mean all kinds of things:
"Okay, sure. I don't know what you're talking about, so I'll just agree with you."
"Okay, it sounds reasonable. I'll just treat you all as M-, right?"
"Okay. Hey, you're someone new - but we're friends just like with your primary, aren't we?"
"Okay. Hey, it's nice to meet you. I'm friends with your primary. I'd like to get to know you, too."

Some of our friends are really close to various ones of us. Kiara, particularly, has made a few of her own specific friendships.

Sunshine and Shadows [Me]

Back to reading 'Sunshine and Shadows' today.

As a person with DID, I recognize that I am responsible for everything that any of my alters do. My mind created these alters as a way of survive horrifying conditions when I was a child. They are all me and I accept responsibility for them. This is something I've said many times. Each part of my system is responsible to and for each other part of my system. Sometimes this causes problems internally, but they are my problems, our problems, and no one else's.

--- my computer crashed at this point, but luckily I was able to save it - yay! ---

She also got the question about how alters get their names, and I commented with a summary of how we got named. She's only purposely named one of her alters, like I did for Sam. The others just had the names they have, like most of the rest of us.

I'm getting to know a couple of her readers, too, that are multiple, through the comments they make on her posts. This is interesting, though it is stirring up some interesting emotions inside. I'm constantly amazed at the kind of history a person can have and still be a functional adult, even when it takes splitting apart to survive. And I'm grateful that my trauma that split me was so... tepid, compared to some of the things other multiples have gone through.