Trigger Event (Lynn)

Greetings, this will be my first post here. I am Counselor (Update - As of August 2011, Counselor will be using the name Lynn instead). It is my role to coordinate our system's activities and memories so that we can function succesfully in a singleton-oriented world. Yesterday evening, we found a new trigger for our system, and I feel it important to document it here.

Every person has certain triggers that set off their particular neuroses. For a multiple, triggers can set off unexpected emotions and behaviors, including hard switches to other alters and moods that aren't appropriate to the situation. For example, one trigger that is known to set off any of the members of this system is someone grabbing our throat. Even something inanimate, like wearing a turtleneck, can be uncomfortable and distracting. But a hand on my throat, grabbing my throat - that will receive a violent response, of some sort. It is this sort of thing that originated Silent One, and the body could go completely unresponsive. Or could react by attacking the person grabbing. It's hard to predict, and thus we warn people off of grabbing our throat.

Yesterday evening, we discovered a new trigger to be aware of. The mood was light and pleasant, and we were sitting and watching a movie with one of our friends. Another friend came in during the movie as well. Approximately the first third of this movie was set primarily in a hospital, where the main character is a doctor. And it had a spooky, otherworldly atmosphere during this section. There is a particular scene where the doctor is in a hospital corridor at night. With the lights dimmed, he's alone facing down a long spooky corridor. And something inside our mind clicked. There was a time during my first marriage that a catatonic state would drift to sleeping, waking with screaming nightmares involving people in white lab coats and long dim hallways. This scene in the movie triggered that association. We curled up around the people watching the movie with us. The body began trembling, and there was an intense urge to silently weep which we decided to contain. It was terribly unpleasant, and included a strong feeling of helplessness.

The movie shifted away from the hospital, but the damage had already been done. For the rest of the evening, we shifted from one alter to another, or several at a time, quite frequently. And all were unsettled and unhappy. The feeling of helplessness, a sense of disconnect, and the urge to weep remained, even when the movie was over and we were outwardly participating happily in hanging out with our friends. It wasn't until just before falling asleep that the world seemed to return to being truly tangible and stable.

We have watched medical dramas and other shows taking place in hospitals with no negative associations, so I would tentatively conclude that it was the particular image of the dimmed corridor and the sense of otherworldliness leading up to this scene that pushed the trigger. It is something I will begin watching for and trying to avoid.