Another old journal entry worth looking at again...
I've always been the smart kid in any group of people I've been part of. It's nothing I'm particularly proud of; I was born smart. But I'm accustomed to always being the smart one. At least I used to be. With the group of friends I have now, that's not always the truth. Most of my circle are smart folks, all of us accustomed to being the smart one. That does lead to some competition - with requisite bruising of egos. But now that I'm generally surrounded by other smart people, I find myself, by comparison, being merely average in intelligence.
Then I start playing around with BDSM, and then I start talking to the voices hanging out in my head. So, as someone asked me yesterday - could this be the new thing that makes me 'special'? Maybe I'm pushing myself into displaying multiple personalities to make myself different from everyone else?
Which leads directly to another question - if I wasn't really a multiple, but started believing hard enough that I was, would the fact that I'm now having conversations in my head mean that I've created the reality of multiplicity out of a false belief in it? I mean, multiple personalities are a creation of the subconscious - it's literally 'all in your head'. Say we start with the concept that I was not a multiple six months ago. If I believe it strongly enough to engage these other personalities and let them develop into full-blown personas, does multiplicity not therefore become a truth? Can one create a dissociative disorder by believing it exists? And does the creation thereof mean I'm less than sane, just not the way I think I'm nuts? Yes, this is circular thinking, but it's an interesting hypothesis to ruminate on.
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