Accountability (Me)

I'm sure we've all gotten blamed - and punished - for something someone else has done. Especially if you have a brother or sister. Something gets broken, eaten, torn up, done, or not done, and the first you hear of it, you're in the hotseat getting in trouble for it. Imagine if there's proof you did it. Your fingerprints are on the murder weapon, so to speak. But you didn't do it. At least, you don't remember doing it. But there is this vague memory picture in your head that could have been you doing it. And you can't remember what else you might have been doing at the time. And oh yeah, the camera footage clearly shows your face...

Sometimes being multiple can be like that. If someone in my head does something - throws something out, makes an online purchase, tells someone off, kicks the dog - it's still my body that did it. And someone outside my system can't just tell at a glance whether it was done by Me, or by one of my alters. Which means we've had to have some internal conversations about accountability.

I guess the first time we realized this would be a recurring theme was the time my boyfriend at the time took Kiara shopping. I was on pain medications, and most of us had checked out for the day. I figured Kiara was safe enough with him, and checked back in occasionally, but mostly let her run the show. She had a blast. At one point I checked in and she's going down the toy aisle, pushing buttons on all the noisy toys (something I hate). And because the body's a grown-up, she can reach all those tempting buttons. Another check-in, and she's petting on the different blankets and pillows in the store, trying to find the softest one. He later told Me that it was fun, but a lot of work keeping track of her. In all fairness, he had been warned that I was stupid from medication at the time. So the next morning I wake up, and hanging from my kitchen ceiling is a pirate windsock, still sporting a tag for the great big price of one dollar. I don't know where the pirate windsock came from, and I don't know who paid for it, but there it was.

Luckily, we're talking about a purchase of a dollar. But what if it had been a hundred dollars? What if it had been a puppy? These kinds of decisions can be made when I'm not running things, and it's something that we've had to discuss as a group. And in every discussion on the subject, we've come to the same conclusion. Each of us has to be responsible for all of us. And all of us must accept the consequences that each of us may incur.

Which means if Rubi gets ticked off and cusses out some guy, we could all end up in a fight. And that means that Counselor may need to force her out of control and take over to apologize to the guy before it gets to that point. And if we go to watch a movie, and the scary part is upsetting Kiara, we may have to leave, and all miss the rest of the movie to take care of her. And if Sam smarts off to someone among our BDSM friends, then yeah, she'll take the beating she's incurred. But it's all of us that will have sore muscles and bruises for a few days.

And if one of us makes a promise or a commitment to someone, it would be unfair to expect that person to have to figure out who they are talking to and only hold that alter responsible for it. Dealing with my disability is our responsibility, not that of someone outside our system. What that means is that we have to be individually and collectively responsible for the things that each of us say and do. So if Jarett makes a commitment of some kind, we feel that I am just as responsible for it as he is. If Sam is in control when that commitment becomes due, she should honor it. So that means we all have to confer with each other before making any commitments, to make sure we can all follow-through.

Most of the time, this isn't a problem. It has been at times. At one point, my boyfriend at the time decreed we were Not Allowed to do any cutting. He was talking to Me at the time, but cutting is Rubi's province. And although I belonged to him, in a BDSM sense, she most certainly did not - and didn't feel any need to pay attention to his orders. We had to discuss the issue as a system, and decided that either we would all avoid cutting, or we had to go back to him and tell him that we could not accept his restriction.

I have refused to make commitments because one or more of us refused to abide by them. But it's a matter of our integrity to tell the other person involved that we can't meet that commitment, rather than to just blame a failure on our multiple status. Because I see it as cowardice to pass the blame that way. So therefore, it's All for One and One for All - we're the Seven Musketeers when it comes to accountability.