Biblical Marriage-Slavery [Me]

Yesterday I happened to run across some passages in the Bible that could ever-so-easily be applied to my relationship with the Boss, if taken a certain way. Which is, of course, a key to reading things in the Bible. You can find almost any meaning you wish to, should you look at it in a certain light. So this is an exercise, not a religious experience. Still, it's interesting.

About the time that we became 'a thing', an actual couple (okay, triad), where I was staying at his house more often than at my own, I decided to shave my head. There were a number of reasons for the shaving, but I asked him to do 'the deed' for me. About that time, I ran across this in Deuteronomy:

Deuteronomy 21:11-14 - Easy-to-Read Version (ERV)11 You might see a beautiful woman among the captives who you want to be your wife. 12 You must then bring her into your house where she will shave her head and cut her nails. 13 She must change her clothes and take off the clothes she was wearing when she was captured in war. She will stay in your house and be sad about losing her father and her mother for a full month. After that you may go to her to be her husband, and she will be your wife. 14 If you are not pleased with her and choose to divorce her, set her free. You cannot sell her. You had sexual relations with her, so you must not treat her like a slave.

So he found me beautiful, brought me into his house, shaved my head - and I was nude at the time. And I pretty much stayed there since, and that's been many months. So according to Deuteronomy, it is as if he has married me. Oh, except for that being an enemy captive part that started it.

Okay, so I could have left at any time. But I stayed. A few months later, he pierced my ear and put in Cherish's slave ring, signifying that he took her specifically as his slave forever. Oh, and back to Deuteronomy:

Deuteronomy 15:16-17 - Easy-to-Read Version (ERV)16 “But one of your slaves might say to you, ‘I will not leave you.’ He might say this because he loves you and your family and because he has a good life with you. 17 Make this servant put his ear against your door and use a sharp tool to make a hole in his ear. This will show that he is your slave forever. You must do this even to the women slaves who want to stay with you.

We could have left, but we loved him and would not leave him. So he put a hole in our ear and made us his slave forever, according to the Bible. Well, except for where the first passage said he cannot treat me as a slave. Hmmm....

Okay, so this was just a momentary amusement. As a Christian, I do follow Biblical teachings, but from the New Testament. Jesus said that the Old Law is no more. Still, these passages serve as a reminder that this sort of slavery-marriage is a Judeo-Christian tradition. I wonder what other interesting passages I can find?

Who Am I? TRIGGER WARNING [Paul]

So M says I can write about myself here, and it'll be okay, because the people who read this will get it, and it's safe. I'll give it a try. I'm Paul, and this is my first blog post ever. I've decided to try to make myself a little bit more separate from the rest of the system, and try not to be so shy to everybody. So I made myself a separate profile on the kinky site last night, where I can have my own separate friends and stuff. And now I'm writing here. So I guess I'll tell my story - but M says I have to put a trigger warning because it could upset some people. So stop reading here if you have problems like that.

I showed up like a year ago in the Meronym system. And I think I frightened everyone, because I've got some scary memories in my head. The memories freak out M because they can't be memories of her own, so where the heck did I get them from? I don't know, but they are there. Most of them are from when I was little, like under 10 at least, and an 'Uncle' molested me. I don't know if it's someone that was actually related to me or not, but he's big and sweaty and fat and hairy. I don't guess I have to explain what I mean by he molested me - you don't need a play-by-play. But I never told my Mom or anything, because if I did he said he'd do the same thing to my baby brother. And I've gotta protect my brother, so I'll get through it.

Which gets really messed up, because now that I'm in M's body, there isn't really a baby brother, or an Uncle, or anything. I do have a mom; she's known in M's system as Cherish. And she could never stick up for me even if she knew something was going on. But I won't tell her, and neither will anyone else. So I've got this inside-my-memories world, and outside-in-M's-body world, and inside-the Meronym-system world. And they don't touch each other, except sometimes at night when I'm supposed to be sleeping.

In the Memory World, all that stuff continued until I was in High School, and then the Uncle stopped coming around. Mom said he would be gone for a long time and not come back - I think he went to prison or something. So I did protect my brother all that time, and he's safe. I'm sixteen in that world, and when I get out of school, I'm going to take care of my brother and my Mom and make sure nobody ever hurts them ever. Mom always asks if I'm going to have a girlfriend sometime, but everybody else has figured out that I like boys. I don't want to deal with that until I get out of school, though. I've got enough to deal with now.

So in the Meronym World, I'm a different age. I'm eleven most of the time. Me and Kiara argue sometimes, but we stick up for each other, too. Sometimes I have panic attacks, and she's really good about coming out to help me stay steady when that happens. I'm always scared of people, and she's not afraid of nothing. Cherish is my mom, here, too, but she's all sweet and nice and not tired and sick all the time here. I have a room all to myself, and I've got legos covering one entire wall and a huge castle built in my room with them.

In the outside, 'real' world - I'm not really convinced it's any more real than the others - I'm in a 37-year-old woman's body. I can't climb things, I can't run and play, I'm fat and slow and hurting. And the equipment's all wrong. But there's somebody to take care of me - M calls him Boss, here - and I'm starting to make some friends. But I can slide ages really easily. I kinda default to eleven, but I can slip real easy into eight or fourteen. Once I got as young as four, and once I got to sixteen. When I'm eight, I'm a lot more scared, and things hurt more easy. But fun things are a lot more fun, and I really like it when the Boss tells me I'm his boy and hangs out with me. When I get to fourteen, I've got a lot more confidence - I even can flirt and tease sometimes, if I don't get too embarrassed. I like playing games and figuring things out that might be kinda complicated. Boss says I'm really smart.

I'm starting to make some friends other than Boss in this world. There's a couple of guys that are a little like me; in a girl body but not really a girl. Neither of them are multiple, I don't think, but they seem to get me a little. Boss introduced me to another friend of his that's gay - and his friends. He's super friendly, and I think I could be friends with him. And there's a guy that I kind of have a crush on. He doesn't like kids, so I don't think he likes me, but he's at least been friendly, and I can pretend in my head that he likes me. Almost all these folks are into the kink stuff, but I'm not. I mean, sex, yeah, but not hurting each other.

Wow, so I didn't think I'd want to write much here, but I guess I did write a lot. Now I think maybe I said too much. But not many people will see it, I think, so I guess it's okay. Um, I guess if anyone wants to get to know me better, you can ask me questions here and M will tell me about them. So, bye.

Quotes

Just some quotes to remember:


"I can’t explain to someone what it is like to look in a mirror and not recognize the face inside it. How there are some days I wake up and it takes everything inside me to put on a mask and walk through my life like someone else. I am the person that you pretend does not exist, except that is all I am, all of the time." -http://thebeehive27.blogspot.com/



Look at it this way. When there's one person who says "I'm a different person at the office than I am with my friends," that's more like one engine, just shifting gears. With multiplicity, there are several engines. (Thank you to our longtime singlet friend Steve G.) http://www.astraeasweb.net/plural/faq.html

Excerpt from The Magic Daughter by Jane Phillips:
Imagine projecting a movie to a roomful of people. Imagine that they range in age from three to thirty-eight. Imagine that some of those people are dead asleep and do not know a movie is being played. Imagine that a very young one spies on the whole thing, but pretends to be asleep. Imagine that some of them catch only a few minutes, or the parts that interest them. Imagine that at least one part watches the whole thing, but does not speak. Imagine that there are scenes some watchers interpret one way, that others interpret the opposite way, that still others do not understand at all. Imagine that some parts hear a phrase or see a gesture that repeats and repeats in their minds.

I'm Listed! [Me]

So I was playing around with blogspot's stats page. It's interesting stuff. And I ran across a referring page that is a list of dissociation blogs! I think this one's pretty interesting, and I see several blogs on there that I follow - it's called Third of a Lifetime, and it's apparently maintained by an author who is multiple.

What else did we find out from the stats, then? The major sites people have come from include Third of a Lifetime, CandyCan's blog, my profile on the kinky social site, and Google searches. There are referrals from some other multiples' sites, as well. And what were the google searches from? "boyfriend bought me a collar bdsm", "cutting one's self and s&m", idic or infinite diversity in infinite combination, "mpd are my memories real", "my parents know i'm into bdsm", "kink and poly", "multiplicity littles", and some terms that are obviously people who know me searching for that particular blog. The ones that make me giggle are the ones searching for IDIC. Those are geeks looking for Star Trek stuff, and finding my post about IDIC as my personal philosophy. Poor guys - these got more than they bargained for. My audience is from mostly in the U.S., but we also have people from New Zealand and Singapore, and even the U.A.E. - now there's one that likely had some culture shock.

So who are you, my regular readers? I'd love for you to comment on this one, and tell me about you. Here's things I'd like to know; answer the ones you feel comfortable doing so:

1. Do you know me in 'real life', or just from this blog?
 - if you are from my real life, have you seen yourself mentioned here, and how do you feel about that?
2. Are you multiple, or do you have a multiple in your life? Are you kinky and/or polyamorous?
- if not, what interest do you have in this blog?
3. What are your demographics?
- if you're not from the U.S., where are you from?
- if English is not your first language, what is? and are you reading a translated page?
4. Are there any questions about my being multiple/kinky/poly that you'd like me to write about?

--update--
Actually, please don't answer these questions here. Answer them here, instead.

Unfinished Pouting [Me]

I need to write; I know I do. But I'm having trouble putting any thoughts into a concrete form, so this may come out a bit scattered.

Kiara's upset. She cried last night, and pulled away from everyone. Then she locked the rest of us out and sat in the 'front' moping and angry, but still unable to do anything to deal with the hurting. She said she wanted to feel her feelings outside, not go to her room inside and feel them there. Okay, granted. But then she was also angry knowing that when she unlocked everything, we'd be talking about her (about us) with Boss, and she doesn't want it to be talked about (because she doesn't want to deal with it).

What's got her upset? For one thing, we saw Bear last night. And it was... awkward, stilted. We are so in love with him still. And I'm still convinced breaking off with him was the right thing to do. But it hurts to feel like it wasn't really even a big deal to him. Aside from that, she was having problems interacting with people yesterday. One of our friends was trying to be close and offer support - and it came off as looming and invading our personal space. Several other people were around that Kiara has some fondness for, and they were all busy talking and playing with other people.

Sam and Rubi aren't thrilled, either. We were on-call for work last night, so we were at a play party, but really not able to play - so they were all upset. There are a couple of people that Paul is interested in getting to know better, or has a crush on, and they were all there - and busy with other things/people. We tried to have Cherish out - she at least wouldn't be bored without someone to interact with, but with Boss busy, she was too afraid. We just couldn't get anyone out and comfortable for more than a few minutes. As soon as we got into a conversation, we'd switch, or someone would come into our circle or view and make us uncomfortable. So we drifted from one conversation to another, leaving them all half-finished behind us. And now we feel the weight of this unfinished stuff that we created and can't resolve.

So I'll let the pouting and angry run its course, and try to reconnect with those people I left things undone with. And maybe I'll say something to the looming friend; maybe they'll back off on their own when not so needy themselves. And Rubi and Sam will get to play at some point, and Cherish will get some time with her Master. Things will get better.

New Page [Me]

I'm still getting the hang of how to manipulate the blog. Today I created a new page, a cast list, if you will, of the alters living in my head. And I figured out how to make it a tab, above. It's also linked on the sidebar as 'Introductions' I'll try to keep it updated as there are changes.

Not So Down Anymore [Me]

I've swung back 'up' from my down earlier this month. Granted, some of that has involved a bit of retail therapy - I have a kindle! And a few other things on the way, like some tribbles and new sheets. Part of it is getting a couple of paychecks in my account from the new job and having more breathing room than I'm used to. And I'm actually starting to do a little work, so I don't feel completely useless anymore.

We're settling into the reorganized grouping now. Eight is just more comfortable than ten. Gracelyn is out more and has more purpose than either Grace or Lynn ever had, and we're not struggling with Jarett's inability to fit into this world. The Boss is, however. His alter Rachel didn't take the news well that Jarett was going dormant. We're still working through that.

BUT, the Boss is now blogging, too! He's writing occasionally, like me, just to work through what's going on. It sounds like I'll get to know another alter or two or his soon, which is interesting.

Just a Little Down, You Know [Me]

Definitely feeling a bit down today. Not for any major reason, but just several little ones.

I left my wallet at home. No biggie; I have a credit card for getting lunch, but I just feel incomplete knowing that it's not in my pocket or my purse where it belongs.


There's a water issue at the apartment again. This time in front of my bedroom door, instead of in my closet. I hope this one gets fixed as minor, but it'll probably be a great big hassle again. 

I had a disappointing experience at lunch. Went to a place I really like, was seated. Instead of taking my drink order, the guy goes to the next table and gets their order, then gets my drink order, and disappears to the next room. He brings me my water, but then says he'll come back to take my order, even though I'm ready. Another table comes in, he seats them, gets their drink order, gets their drinks, and starts taking their food order. I got up and walked out, and went to another restaurant.


Bear is having a party at his place tonight. He's invited me, sort of. I think I'm just on his email list and he forgot to take me off of the reminder that it's tonight. I say this because I didn't get the initial email inviting everyone. Maybe he did take me off on purpose from that one. Either way, I'm not really thinking about going. I'm not in the most entertaining of moods. 

Besides, it's my night to cook; I need to be home for that. I missed last week because I was out shopping - not a fun thing for me, but necessary if I'm to have clothes for work. So I definitely need to be home and cook tonight. And because I wasn't home last night, there are extra dishes to be done. So I'll be doing housework tonight. Yuck. Okay - Gracelyn will be doing housework and cooking tonight.

Eh, clothes. I have five bags of hand-me-down clothes in my truck I need to bring in and sort tonight. Probably none of them will fit me, but I took them to sort through and give to other people. Honestly, I don't really want to deal with it, but I'm hoping some of them will fit my metamour, and she'll have a happy for new-to-her clothes.


I did not get enough sleep last night, but for good reasons. My daughter, my other-daughter (her best friend who's like a daughter to me), and their two boyfriends all came to the Dungeon 101 class I teach, to learn more about kink. For themselves, or to know more about Mom? Probably a little of both, and maybe a touch of 'let's go check out the freaks'. Afterward, I went out to eat with the four young-uns. And this was a good thing. But it means that I got to sleep somewhere around 1am, and got back up at 7am. Technically enough sleep, but nevertheless, I'm tired today.

And last night, when we all went out, I saw an old friend. At least I thought he was an old friend. We know him from the club, and he's also been a very frequent visitor at Motel M, and played Dungeons & Dragons with us. Out of nowhere, a few months back, he just quit coming around. I never understood why, but I respected his choice to break it off with our group. But I did wonder whether he was trying to avoid some one particular person in our group. Anyway, he was at the restaurant. I saw him as soon as I came in the door, and I smiled and made eye contact. And he glared at me, broke eye contact, and hunched up, his body language saying 'Don't you dare act like you know me'. 

It shocked me. I mean, when kinky folk see each other in public with vanillas, we often just make eye contact, grin, and move on without talking. It might not be appropriate to walk up and hug someone, just for them to have to explain, "and where do you know her from?" But this was more than that. I think he was actually offended that I had come into his 'territory' and smiled a hello at him. Needless to say, I didn't approach him, nor did he approach me, at the restaurant. So at least I have a piece of an answer. He quit coming around because he doesn't want to be around me. Maybe more than me, maybe not. And I don't know why. Maybe one day he'll tell someone who'll tell me. Maybe not. Again, I respect his choice to stay away and to snub me in public. But I don't understand it. And it makes me sad.

Monogamously Poly (Me)

So I just realized that the last time I've had sex with anyone other than Boss was in January. Right, that's six months of being monogamous sexually; something I neither intended nor expected. And yet it's working.

Why? Perhaps I'm content to have been only with him sexually is because we do have frequent and varied sex. Mix his alters with my alters, and most of us have a taste for variety, and there's no telling what's going to happen. The sex definitely is not settling into a rut of any sort. If we do get in a pattern, it usually lasts a week or two, and then new alters show new needs. And there you go.

And the sex is frequent; we rarely go more than a night or two without having sex. The nights we do skip it are because one or both of us are too tired, and we still make a point of snuggling and being close, usually even closer.

Or maybe the reason I'm content to be with just him is because I don't have to be. I know that if I showed an interest in someone as a sexual partner, he would be perfectly fine with that, even encouraging me. So the fact that there isn't a barrier there limiting me means I don't feel the need to test it. I can have sex with someone else if I want; I just don't want to right now. And that might change tomorrow; it might not.

So even though I'm currently monogamous sexually, I'm still in a poly relationship. Boss still has two girls that love him, me and my metamour. And we're all happy together. Isn't life grand?