Working Through Anger [Sam?]

I'm working on dealing with some anger over something that should be small, yet my mind keeps returning to it again and again. I'm hoping that writing about it here will help me deal with it.

Background. I am allergic to animals. Like' take a pill everyday, and never pet an animal because my eyes will swell up and my nose will explode, and keep an inhaler in my purse and in my room just in case' kind of allergic to animals. My metamour has a dog and two cats. And they were the main point of negotiation about whether or not I could move in with them last spring.

The dog is not a problem; she is short-haired, and uses a puppy-pad to do her business. Unfortunately, she's decided that whenever I come home is the perfect time to poop, and her pads are near my computer, so I seem to always smell dog poop. The cats, however, are another matter. The female one is just a brat. She tears up carpet and insists on sitting in my computer chair when I'm not in it, and she loves to play in the litterbox, flinging litter everywhere. Again, not a huge allergy issue; she and I have agreed that we don't like each other but can live together. The male cat, however... He's old, and retarded, and spoiled. So he prefers to pee in front of my bedroom door and poop in the living room. He gets mad when I put my purse where it belongs, because he wants to lay there. And he's very vocal about it.

The apartment smells like cat piss, and it's his fault. The air burns my eyes and throat if I'm in the living areas too long. Watching a movie means an allergy attack before it's over, because the couches I bought are cat-spaces. I tried keeping sheets over the couches when I first got them, but since I was the only one doing so, it didn't take. So the couches are becoming unfriendly places for me to sit. But I can't sit on the floor - the one time I spent a little while on the floor, the skin on my legs started burning and swelling - cat piss and cat hair. Soon, I'll probably have to do what I do at my sister's house (where there are numerous dogs) - sit in a kitchen chair away from the regular furniture - end of snuggling time.

Most of the time, taking my allergy medicine regularly means I can handle all this, with the occasional shot from an inhaler. Without an animal in the house, I would probably never need an inhaler, and might not even need the meds. But I knew this when I decided to move in with my love and his other girlfriend; she has animals, and that's the way it is. I accepted it. But I argued strenuously that I had to have my own room. And there would be NO ANIMALS IN MY ROOM. Ever. Upon pain of water spraying, kicking animals, and throwing fits. I need to have a space that's as animal-free as possible. I keep my door shut 99% of the time, and run an air purifier 24-7. I hate the white noise from it because it further isolates me, but I need it. When I do laundry, it all goes directly to my room to minimize the time spent exposed to animal fur. Or vengeful peeing cats.

There are drawbacks to keeping my room secluded. If I'm in my room, I'm isolated. I can't participate in what's going on in the next room because I have to shut the door. Sometimes it builds a sense of claustrophobia. In a perfect world, my home would have no doors except the bathroom, and even that wouldn't always get used. I don't like separation. But there are animals in the house.

So the other night, we were discussing something unrelated, and my metamour drops a mention that sometimes she goes to my bathroom instead of the main one, for some reason. I can't really think of any good reason for her to do so, except for the rare rare occasion that Maintenance is doing something in hers? But regardless, for some reason, she occasionally uses my bathroom. That's mildly annoying, but acceptable. But then she says that when she does so, she brings the cat in with her and lets him run around in my closet.

I'm sorry, what? What part of NO ANIMALS IN MY ROOM didn't get through? Her excuse is that he stays on the floor, so no cat hair is getting on my clothes. Wait, you've had a cat for how long? When a cat walks into a room, every piece of clothing in the room instantly has cat hair on it - there is no direct contact necessary. I do all kinds of things to keep the animals from having an impact on my personal space, and she's bringing one of them into my room. And not just any of them, she's bringing the male cat - the one that's such a problem for me anyway.

When she said that, I made it clear that this is to stop. I looked her in the eye, and said "No animals in my room. Period. I don't care why." She started to argue; I repeated it. She shut up about it. But here's the thing - I have no way to know if she obeys the rule. And when it comes to spoiling that cat, like by not forcing it to be traumatically separated from her for the amount of time it takes for her to go to the bathroom, she doesn't tend to follow rules very well. Oh, and remember, she's multiple, too. So even if most of her alters are fine following that rule, the one that hopelessly lets the cat run all over her probably won't. And I'm not sure if she's the one I made it clear to that there are no animals allowed into my space.

So here it is a few days later, and I'm still angry about this. I feel powerless to enforce it; that's why I'm angry, I know. Would it be too much to print up a 'No Animals' sign and put at my door? That would probably hurt some feelings, but I'm not sure I care right now. And if she wants to ignore it when I'm not home, she can. It's not a matter of not remembering that the cats aren't allowed in there, it's a matter of not respecting that rule. Not respecting me.

Ding-ding-ding - there's the reason for the angry. She is disrespecting me by ignoring one of the few rules I have required in our household. There are plenty regarding her - keeping the lights off all the damned time so that it feels like I'm being smothered in a cave all the time. Keeping quiet during all hours of the day because she sleeps during the day and is up at night. Being uber-respectful of the needs put on her by her poor health. But I ask for one thing - leave my room clear - and she just disregards that entirely. I work very hard to be respectful of her, and I feel like it's not being reciprocated.

So what do I do about it? Well, I vent here, to make me feel better. And then, I don't know. Well, I need to wrap this up, my eyes are starting to burn, so it's time for me to retreat to my room for a while. And besides, the female cat is yarking up all over the living room carpet. I'm not cleaning it up. Gross.