Seesaw Emotions [Me]

Last weekend was really rough. And Monday and Tuesday, I was still feeling pretty uncomfortable.

Tuesday night, we got together with someone who is new to recognizing that she's multiple, and new to exploring kink. And she had questions. My word, did she have questions. We spent two hours answering her questions, and she was very excited and sparkly in spirit. And we went home feeling very positive. At bedtime, Kiara was out and asked Boss to wrap her up in a sheet. She likes the comfort-feeling of bondage, whether rope or cloth or whatever. Rachel came out and tickled and teased and played with her a little, and we stayed wrapped up until we fell asleep.

So yesterday morning I woke up feeling a good bit better, feeling reasonably positive. We got one blog post written about being bald that's been on our 'ideas list' for a while, and got some ideas for some fiction writing detailed out a little bit more. So we were feeling pretty good. Work was pretty slow, and we read most of Hunger Games, and finished it. Kiara was out at suppertime and watched United States of Tara with Boss.

And then we went to bed, and fell apart again. To the point that Boss asked, this morning, why we were so upset with him. And we are upset with him, a little, but not really. We're upset. And that means that we're over-sensitive about things and get upset with him about stuff we normally wouldn't.

There's a lot of little things bothering me. We haven't had sex - not really - since the weekend. And since I pretty much lost the weekend, that means it's really been a while for me. I haven't had a good beating in nearly two weeks, and that always makes me jumpy. Sam's bored, which is not a good thing. And Rubi's been eyeing the scalpels again, about ready to entertain herself, since no one else is. Having both of the kids acting out is really stressful - Kiara used to be my destressor; her being unhappy really aches. I'm feeling rather un-useful at work. The deckwork at the house is incomplete and been sitting for over a week with no progress. The roof work is going to be an ordeal. I haven't gotten to really chat with my Mommy for a few weeks; we've been playing phone tag. With my metamour healing and grieving, and that making the Boss tense, I catch their tension and echo it. I have people that I care about and haven't been able to see in several weeks.

I am headed for a depression. I recognize that it's coming, and I hope I can head it off. Hopefully this weekend will have good play and fun sex and lot of socializing with people that are important to me. That will help.

And it's not as if there's nothing good going on in my life. Finally, for the first time in a very long time, I'm not terribly worried about money. I'm making more now where I am than my last job, and my spending has not quite caught up to that. My tenants are paying enough rent to make the house pay for itself. And even if something catastrophic happened, I'm not the only breadwinner in the household. I haven't had that - ever - in my adult life. And my daughter, oh my daughter makes me happy. I just got off the phone with her after a long chat. She's doing great at school and she's happy. She knows about my kink and poly and multiplicity, and she accepts them all happily. In fact, she wants to do a project at school about my being multiple, and asked if it was okay to take me as her example. I feel great about that, and I'm about to send her a lot of information. The educational classes I teach, Dungeon 101 and Kink 101, are doing well. Kink 101 is a new class that I've only taught once, but there are some opportunities on the horizon for them. I have been flirting with someone that could turn out to be a casual relationship for me. I would like that a lot. So there are good things going on. I just need to get past this depressive dip to enjoy them.