This weekend was pretty icky. Stress in the household seems to be contagious from one system to another. My metamour has been needing some major dental work for a long time now, and finally got it done recently. Well, because of that she's been on heavy antibiotics, which make her feel horrible. Worse, they mute the effect of her anti-seizure meds. And then added to that are some pretty strong pain meds for after the dental work. So she's drugged, feeling sick, recovering from surgery, and having seizures. Then her father died. So now she's depressed on top of all of that. Which means, yeah, she's having a horrible time of it lately. I feel so bad for her, and there's absolutely zilch I can do to make her feel better. I've basically tried to stay out of her way and not cause her extra stress. Oh, and I brought her cupcakes and doughnuts. Soft foods that she loves.
So she's feeling terrible, and Boss is really sensitive to picking up emotions and soaking them up like a sponge. Which is great when folks around him are doing well - he gets an instant pick-me-up for free! And it means he is very sensitive to recognize when something is wrong and try to help fix it. But when it's not fixable, it just weighs on him, heavier and heavier. There's also work stress, of course, but mostly he's worried about her and feels helpless to do anything. Which really tarnishes his White Knight helmet. So he's crabby and mopey. And since he's trying so hard not to be crabby and mopey with her, some of it leaks out with me. So he's been pretty authoritarian and a bit snappish. I understand why he is, and I try to let it wash over, but I still get some hurt feelings over it.
Which means now I'm all grouchy and pouty. And the three of us are there together trying not to offend one another and still get our needs met without interfering with anyone else. It's tough. And it's no one's fault; we just have to get through this time. I'm trying not to be needy and demanding of Boss's attention, because he's worn out trying to attend to the Metamour. She's just trying to get through the day without losing it, and he's trying to take care of both of us and his work. Yes, our apartment is now carpeted with metaphysical eggshells.
So, this weekend. Friday night there was a private party at the club, and I decided not to go. So I was pretty much at home. Now, I'm not a stay-at-home kind of person. Too much time at home and I get antsy. Especially when it's dark and we have to be quiet, because we're trying to let the Metamour sleep as much as possible to get through the drugs and healing. And the animals have picked up on the stress and are acting out, so it's kind of not smelling so good lately - and that means my allergies are making me crabby too. So I'm home on Friday, and it's fine. Saturday, I somehow didn't make any plans, so we slept in.
I got 'done' sleeping long before Boss did, and got on the computer. Kiara ended up watching Glee, a show that she just loves. However, this was the big break-up episode, which ends with all the relationships on the rocks and everyone unhappy. Kiara still hasn't really processed the whole breaking-up with Bear thing. So she got all uneasy and sad, so she went and woke up her Issi to make her feel better. She ended up nestled in his arms, just crying softly. And he didn't have the energy to deal with that at the time, so it never really felt 'done'. Okay, no biggie, we'll deal with it. Someone else came out at some point, and we got up.
And then a friend got invited over for dinner. Boss wanted to cook dinner and clean up a bit - perfectly reasonable. But he didn't ask, he snapped orders about the cleaning up, and when we asked him for clarification, he bit off a 'because I'm the boss' kind of response instead of letting there be a discussion. So our feelings were hurt, and then he was upset because we were upset, and you know how that wheel turns, right? Everybody's upset and doesn't want to be, and there's no time to deal with it, so it waits.
But, it was Saturday night - time for the club! Now, I tend to count on going to the club and getting a good beating on one of the weekend nights each week, and I really need that regular stress relief. But this week, I had something planned that was going to push that till later; I was teaching a new person some of the basics. I recruited Boss to help me, and we actually had a really good teaching session. But as soon as it was over, he crashed. Crashed hard; like I wasn't sure I was going to be able to get him to the car and home. I went into full caretaker mode, and his mental merry-go-round spun pretty freely as I whisked him off home and to bed. Crisis handled. But no beating for me this weekend.
Sunday we still didn't have plans. And I'd been home for too long at this point. Between stress and needing a beating and arguments left unsettled and Kiara being upset and the apartment being dark & smelly... well, I was becoming a mess. I knew if I stayed at home all day, I was going to get really needy and demanding on the Boss's energy - energy he didn't have. So I exited. The truck needed cleaned out, so I headed out for the car wash. I was really fuzzy, and probably shouldn't have been driving, I'll admit in retrospect. And three of four hours later, I made it back home. I know what I did - I did the car wash thing, and a trip to Kmart, and ate lunch. Lunch helped a lot; I started clearing up after I ate. But I got fuzzy again by the time I got home.
When I got there, the screen was open, there were lights on, and cleaning was in progress. We set up fans to blow some fresh air through the house, and it was much more pleasant. After a while, I retreated to the bathtub for the evening, and then later asked to be tied up somewhat while I read in bed. Being tied up tends to center me and calm me down; I was hoping it would help. If not, my next resort was some cutting - Rubi has some new razors that she's looking forward to using. But I just didn't feel like having to deal with that. Luckily, the rope helped. When I woke up this morning, things are better. I'm back to my regular during-the-week schedule, and I'm planning on some play this weekend. I just have to get that far down the calendar.
Now the good thing is that, with the weekend being kind of stressful and unpleasant and fuzzy, I really can just barely remember as much as I've written here. Sometimes losing time is a good thing. The bad thing that goes with that is that I basically get two work-weeks in a row. Ugh. Looking forward to this weekend.
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