Discomfort, Alien Mindset [Me]

If I had any doubts about my multiplicity before this weekend, they would have been laid to rest. This weekend I spent some serious time exploring and getting to know Cherish. We have a dear friend who's very comfortable with us as a multitude, and he helped to call her out and talk to her. While he interacted with her, the rest of us stepped back from the front and simply watched. We listened in on her thoughts and reactions, and I have to say that her outlook is the most alien to me of any of my alters so far.

It used to make me uncomfortable when I would catch Jarett ogling some woman (discreetly, of course) walking down the hall. After all, I'm not interested in women. But I could, after all, appreciate the shape of her body as being attractive, at least. Rubi's habitual antagonism is nothing like my usual attitude, but I can remember being that angry at the world as a teenager. And even Kiara's cuteness is way off my usual behavior, but I understand it. Sam, well, Sam I get. I think we're the most alike.

Cherish is... different from me. More different. She is completely at rest, and not concerned with herself. No matter what I'm doing, I'm gauging my own reactions and how things affect me. She's listening for how the person with her is reacting and how they are affected. It's a polar shift. If nothing is happening at the moment, she's content to simply be still and wait. The rest of us want to make something happen, move on to the next step, whatever it is. She doesn't have an opinion for or against things - we're used to arguing as a group about our opinion about things. But whether we agree or not, we do HAVE an opinion - or several.

Cherish submissive and obedient. She comes out when called, and doesn't go away until dismissed. Perhaps as she 'grows into' a full part of us, she'll develop some... drive. But I don't think so. I'm trying not to be judgemental of this attitude, simply because it's so foreign to me. I want people to grow up and be proactive. But there's a peace in her passivity, a calmness I don't know how to process.

I think we need to be very careful who we allow Cherish to be with. I worry about her already. She could so easily be taken advantage of. The submissive mind she has seems so weak and fragile to me. But I think that might just be because she's opposite. I recognize there is a strength in that calm and passive acceptance. But I recognize it intellectually, not emotionally. I used to worry about Kiara the same way, though. I thought she was in need of protection because she's young. Protection from other people, from Rubi, from anything that would hurt her. And yet she's turned out to be probably the strongest of us. When we're hurting the most, she takes that and simplifies it, then disposes of it in her childish way by simply coloring or choosing another mode. Kiara doesn't overthink things, and I think Cherish may share the most with her by doing the same.