How do you keep track of significant events in your life? What about significant events that occur within your household? Because that's really more what it's like, for us. I've got to remember schedules and events not just for myself, but for each of us. And even without the multiplicity, I have a terrible memory. I won't speak for the rest, but I suspect it's not just me. Also, when you dissociate, your time-sense tends to be a little... fluid. Two days ago, last week, a month ago - all those memories can 'feel' about the same distance ago. So if we've been switching around a lot, a conversation I had a couple of days ago may feel like it happened forever ago. And if another alter was mostly in control during that conversation, I might just not know it happened at all.
Which has turned me/us into a compulsive list-maker. I keep lists for groceries, movies I own, books I want to read, things I want to buy. I also keep lists for when I last changed my contacts, when I've had sex, when I've had injuries, when I've taken medicine, movies I've watched, repairs that need done at home. I also keep a calendar online and try to put everything on there. I use 30boxes.com, for those that are looking for one - it's accessible through Facebook or as a standalone. Events that are coming up, of course, are on there, along with holidays and birthdays. But I also put someone's name on the calendar if they're to be my ride to something. Calls I need to make, events going on that I'm NOT going to - things important to my daughter or my friends.
Now, here's the trick - things have to get ON the calendar for me to remember they're there. Which means, if I make plans with someone or anything else that needs to be recorded, expect to see me whip out my cellphone and send a text - to my email. We all know to do this, and then when I get to a computer, I get to put all those email notes into my calendar or on the appropriate list.
But not everything belongs on a list. For instance, one of the alters has sex with someone, I'm going to record that it happened and with whom, but not any details. Which gets interesting when they ask Me, or a different alter, how we felt about a certain thing they did. Unless you're talking to the same alter, we might not have access to that information. Or we might not have gotten it recorded yet. Or there might be a question of, "how did that bruise/mark/sore spot get there?"
Sometimes this is information we need to share in the short-term. So we have a kind of internal whiteboard where we jot quick notes to the group. It could be something like, "dinner with Ben Tuesday, put on calendar", if we can't get to the cellphone at that point. Or we might have something like, "tripped and jammed toe - sorry!" or even "Joe's having a hard time, get Lynn to talk to him".
So if you're chatting with one of us, and mention something that happened a few days ago, and we respond as if it was a month ago, please be patient with us. There's not a lot to distinguish length of time ago internally. A casual reminder that it was two days ago is appreciated, and may even jog the memory loose, especially if it's one we're trying to pick up from another alter. Brief turns of phrase within the conversation might be remembered when the topic of the conversation was forgotten. A reminder might help me find it on the 'whiteboard'.
And if you make plans with one of us, please encourage us to record it by cell-phone, lest we forget. I forgot an evening planned with someone very special to me last week.... no, this week - three days ago - because I had not recorded it. It hurt his feelings, I think, and then that hurt ours because we do so love spending time with him, but were double-booked.
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