I had some revelations about Rubi last night. She was out for a good while. Normally, if she's out, we're actively scening, so it's not a good time for examining the psyche. But last night I was able to watch her interact with Boss a lot. She doesn't spend a lot of time with him; she normally only comes out to interact with a few certain people. And again, then only in a kink-play situation.
I've always considered her defining issue to be Anger. When she's out, when she's playing, she's angry. She's challenging her partner and her self. She's pushing the limits - hers and theirs. And that appeals to a lot of partners. When she tops, she takes her bottoms to a place where they didn't think they could go. She pushes them until they call a halt. Or she may stop just shy of that limit. But the limits will be right there close by. As a bottom, she expects her tops to do the same for her. It can't be easy. And she takes everything from them that they can give her. When she's done with a scene, both people are exhausted, but not broken. But even examining that, and watching her last night... That's not anger. Challenge, yes. Exhaustion, fear, pain, yes. But not anger - although that can be part of what she feels while playing.
What I have figured out is that Rubi is about Control. Self-control, especially. She is so full of Anger and Challenge, but she doesn't unleash it willy-nilly. She has a very tight strict control over herself. And to give up control to someone else requires that they have a sense of control at that same level or higher. When she is topping, she abuses them until they no longer have control, but she has control of the situation. She wrests that control away from them until they give up and quit trying to be in control of the situation. As a bottom, she is looking for someone to take control away from her. Because she has such tight control of herself, that for her to respect a top and give herself to them, they have to control her more than she controls herself.
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