The biopsy and blood test results are back. I do carry the genetic marker for hemochromatosis, but the biopsy showed only fat in my liver. So my internal organs have not yet taken damage from iron-related stuff. We'll draw off blood to fix the ferritin levels, and I'll lose some weight, and we're all happy.
The biopsy experience yesterday was really boring. We sat in a waiting room, then I got my physical, and waited in there. Then we went to pre-op and waited in there. The actual biopsy took like twenty minutes, including set-up and transport, I think. The Versed I got in the IV made me really dizzy, then sleepy. And wore off very quickly. Then we went to post-op, and waited in there. I lay on my side for two hours. Then I lay on my back for two hours. They did bring me a turkey sandwich lunch and three cokes. Then we went home. I was at the hospital from before 7am until after 3pm. Everyone was very nice and the biopsy was very quick and the waiting was very boring. I finished three or four books on my Kindle.
That was yesterday. I spent the rest of the day going from sitting at the computer to resting in bed and back. Today I worked from home, so I spend the day sitting at the computer. I finally got to take a shower at 2:30, and then I changed the bandage. There's a small pinhole in my side from the biopsy. There is also a slice of skin missing where the Tegaderm pulled it off. That hurts a lot more, especially when I didn't know that had happened and started to clean the area with alcohol. Ouch. So, two bandaids now. And done.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Health Concerns [Me]
All relationship stuff is more or less on hold for a few days while I deal with health stuff. Tomorrow, I'm having a liver biopsy. It doesn't seem like it's that big a deal, just a hassle. A $300 hassle. But one that it's time to deal with.
I've known that I have a fatty liver for a few years now. My liver enzymes have been a little elevated. Well, none of this is a surprise. I'm overweight. That means my sugar is also a little high, along with my cholesterol and triglycerides. Everything's a little high. My knees and ankles and feet ache from carrying too much weight. Losing, say, forty pounds would fix a lot of stuff with my health. This has been true for quite a while. But I've been feeling okay, and putting off dealing with it.
When I had my physical this year, everything was a little elevated. Except my Ferritin, which was extremely high. So I've been to see a gastroenterologist. He's thinking hemochromatosis, and so we drew blood to check for a genetic marker for it, and we're doing the biopsy as well to check that way. If he's right, then I'll start having blood drawn regularly, and that should take care of the problem. Reading up on hemochromatosis, if there is a genetic tendency toward it in my Dad's family, it would explain why we all seem to get joint pain issues as teenagers. It also affects a number of other systems. And it's easy to treat. So, biopsy tomorrow.
That said, regardless of the outcome of the biopsy, it's time to lose weight. So I'm trying to eat a little healthier and in smaller quantities, which has been an ongoing thing for a year or so. But we're also going to join the YMCA and start having family workout day. Not thrilled with the idea, but I'm also not dreading it like I thought I would. It'll be fun to do it as a group. I hope.
Anyway, just an update to let people know what's going on with my body instead of my mind(s) this time.
I've known that I have a fatty liver for a few years now. My liver enzymes have been a little elevated. Well, none of this is a surprise. I'm overweight. That means my sugar is also a little high, along with my cholesterol and triglycerides. Everything's a little high. My knees and ankles and feet ache from carrying too much weight. Losing, say, forty pounds would fix a lot of stuff with my health. This has been true for quite a while. But I've been feeling okay, and putting off dealing with it.
When I had my physical this year, everything was a little elevated. Except my Ferritin, which was extremely high. So I've been to see a gastroenterologist. He's thinking hemochromatosis, and so we drew blood to check for a genetic marker for it, and we're doing the biopsy as well to check that way. If he's right, then I'll start having blood drawn regularly, and that should take care of the problem. Reading up on hemochromatosis, if there is a genetic tendency toward it in my Dad's family, it would explain why we all seem to get joint pain issues as teenagers. It also affects a number of other systems. And it's easy to treat. So, biopsy tomorrow.
That said, regardless of the outcome of the biopsy, it's time to lose weight. So I'm trying to eat a little healthier and in smaller quantities, which has been an ongoing thing for a year or so. But we're also going to join the YMCA and start having family workout day. Not thrilled with the idea, but I'm also not dreading it like I thought I would. It'll be fun to do it as a group. I hope.
Anyway, just an update to let people know what's going on with my body instead of my mind(s) this time.
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Fight Done, Fight Start [Me]
Well, I seem to have finished fighting with one boyfriend just in time to start fighting with the other.
Boss and I have, with the Metamour, hashed out a set of Household Rules that should help a lot with expectations and communication between the three systems and the dozens of personalities. Mostly, rules around who we can have sex with and what kind of communication needs to be around that. But also, who we count as family and what that means.
I'm still not wearing Boss's collar, because that will mean an entirely new conversation about what that collar means. That conversation is for him and me/us only, and I haven't felt comfortable enough to have that one yet. I assume he'll have a similar conversation with the Metamour, defining what their relationship is, and I need to have a conversation with MK about my relationship with him and what our rules and boundaries and expectations and everything are.
But that conversation is also on hold, because I have another more pressing issue with him. My house. He moved in there while I was still living there, and continued renting a room from me ever since. I want to sell the house, which has become a huge weight on me financially and emotionally. Once the house is sold, we can look at moving from our apartment to a better place. But I can't sell the house yet, because I MK has stuff scattered and piled all over the place. Not just in his room, but in the living room, the kitchen, and the laundry room. Ever since everyone except him moved out, his stuff has just spread all over the place and piled up haphazardly. Even if I listed the house to sell right now, I don't feel like I could bring people in to show the house. You can hardly walk around in there; it looks terrible.
I told him several months ago that I NEED him to get it cleaned up and out of there. I asked for it by Thanksgiving, and he would only give me end of the year. Well, it's January, and it's not done. It's barely started on. I need his stuff out of there, and what's left neat. I need the outside of the house, which he and his brother are working on, done and cleaned up. Then I can get inside and do some cleanup. Then I can list the house for sale and try to get out from under it. Then I'll be financially more able to commit to all of us moving to a better place. Ideally, something like a house for the three of us (me, Boss, Metamour) with an adjoining apartment for MK. But I can't get started on any of this because of all the stuff. And Boss and Metamour are starting to put a lot of pressure on me about it.
So now I'm in the position of having to be upset with him, and nag him to do what he had already told me he would do. I shouldn't have to treat him like that, and I know he doesn't want me to do so. But I can't figure out how to get it done. And now he's avoiding me. He cancelled on plans we had several times last week, and I was so mad by the end of the weekend that I cancelled on our date night. Because I don't feel like having a date when we could be packing up all the stuff. I've offered multiple nights to come help him pack things up, and he's turning me down on all of them. I'm so frustrated with him and with the house in general. And I'm really angry that he's put me in the position of being The Bitch about this. And I miss him terribly because I haven't seen him in nearly two weeks.
At some point, I give up and go move his stuff myself. At some point I evict him from my house. Pretty sure that means breaking up with him as a part of it.
Boss and I have, with the Metamour, hashed out a set of Household Rules that should help a lot with expectations and communication between the three systems and the dozens of personalities. Mostly, rules around who we can have sex with and what kind of communication needs to be around that. But also, who we count as family and what that means.
I'm still not wearing Boss's collar, because that will mean an entirely new conversation about what that collar means. That conversation is for him and me/us only, and I haven't felt comfortable enough to have that one yet. I assume he'll have a similar conversation with the Metamour, defining what their relationship is, and I need to have a conversation with MK about my relationship with him and what our rules and boundaries and expectations and everything are.
But that conversation is also on hold, because I have another more pressing issue with him. My house. He moved in there while I was still living there, and continued renting a room from me ever since. I want to sell the house, which has become a huge weight on me financially and emotionally. Once the house is sold, we can look at moving from our apartment to a better place. But I can't sell the house yet, because I MK has stuff scattered and piled all over the place. Not just in his room, but in the living room, the kitchen, and the laundry room. Ever since everyone except him moved out, his stuff has just spread all over the place and piled up haphazardly. Even if I listed the house to sell right now, I don't feel like I could bring people in to show the house. You can hardly walk around in there; it looks terrible.
I told him several months ago that I NEED him to get it cleaned up and out of there. I asked for it by Thanksgiving, and he would only give me end of the year. Well, it's January, and it's not done. It's barely started on. I need his stuff out of there, and what's left neat. I need the outside of the house, which he and his brother are working on, done and cleaned up. Then I can get inside and do some cleanup. Then I can list the house for sale and try to get out from under it. Then I'll be financially more able to commit to all of us moving to a better place. Ideally, something like a house for the three of us (me, Boss, Metamour) with an adjoining apartment for MK. But I can't get started on any of this because of all the stuff. And Boss and Metamour are starting to put a lot of pressure on me about it.
So now I'm in the position of having to be upset with him, and nag him to do what he had already told me he would do. I shouldn't have to treat him like that, and I know he doesn't want me to do so. But I can't figure out how to get it done. And now he's avoiding me. He cancelled on plans we had several times last week, and I was so mad by the end of the weekend that I cancelled on our date night. Because I don't feel like having a date when we could be packing up all the stuff. I've offered multiple nights to come help him pack things up, and he's turning me down on all of them. I'm so frustrated with him and with the house in general. And I'm really angry that he's put me in the position of being The Bitch about this. And I miss him terribly because I haven't seen him in nearly two weeks.
At some point, I give up and go move his stuff myself. At some point I evict him from my house. Pretty sure that means breaking up with him as a part of it.
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Personality Tests [Me, Gracelyn]
You know there's some online personality test things to tell you your Myer-Briggs Personality Type. Somebody on my Facebook posted this one - http://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test, and we actually managed to cooperate enough this morning to get several of us to take the test. So I have six sets of results, and they hit all over the board.
The people that took the test are:
Me - Paul - Kiara - Rubi - Gracelyn - Stephanie (well, Gracelyn filled it out on Stephanie's behalf)
and their results were:
ESFJ - INFP - ENFP - ISTP - INFJ - ISTP
Sentinel
I scored as ESFJ. My two strongest scores were as a Judging Extrovert. Looking at their description of each of these traits, I would agree.
"If someone tried to define ESFJ personality traits in three words, it would probably be Practical, Altruistic and Sociable. Forming around 12% of the population, ESFJs want to be of service to others and take their commitments very seriously – they do not really worry about what role they are in, as long as they get a chance to socialize with other people and feel valued and appreciated."
Diplomats
Paul scored as INFP. His strongest scores were as a Feeling Introvert. Kiara scored as ENFP. Her strongest scores were as a Feeling Extrovert. I find it interesting, but not surprising, that the two kids scored almost the same, except for being introverted/extroverted. Also, on the three matching measurements, Kiara scored higher on each than Paul did. She simply feels more strongly about everything. Is that perhaps a function of age?
Paul: "Forming around 4.5% of the population, INFP personalities are usually perceived as calm, reserved or even shy. However, such an exterior can be deceptive – even though INFPs can be somewhat cautious, their inner flame and passion is not something to be taken lightly. People with this personality type are really affectionate, a trait not often seen in other types."
Kiara: "Forming around 7% of the population, people with the ENFP personality type tend to be curious, idealistic and often mystical. They seek meaning and are very interested in other people’s motives, seeing life as a big, complex puzzle where everything is connected. Not surprisingly, ENFPs tend to be very insightful and empathic individuals – this, plus their charm and social skills, often makes them very popular and influential."
Gracelyn scored as INFJ. Her strongest scores were as a Judging Introvert. Since she is our 'den mother' and counselor, this makes sense for her.
"The INFJ type is believed to be very rare (less than 1 percent of the population) and it has an unusual set of traits. Even though their presence can be described as very quiet, INFJ personalities usually have many strong opinions.... INFJ personalities are drawn towards helping those in need.... Karma and similar concepts are very attractive to INFJs."
Explorers
Rubi scored as ISTP. Her strongest scores were as a Prospecting Introvert. This works with her feelings about never being bound to a single path and being fiercely independent.
The people that took the test are:
Me - Paul - Kiara - Rubi - Gracelyn - Stephanie (well, Gracelyn filled it out on Stephanie's behalf)
and their results were:
ESFJ - INFP - ENFP - ISTP - INFJ - ISTP
SentinelI scored as ESFJ. My two strongest scores were as a Judging Extrovert. Looking at their description of each of these traits, I would agree.
"If someone tried to define ESFJ personality traits in three words, it would probably be Practical, Altruistic and Sociable. Forming around 12% of the population, ESFJs want to be of service to others and take their commitments very seriously – they do not really worry about what role they are in, as long as they get a chance to socialize with other people and feel valued and appreciated."
Diplomats
Paul scored as INFP. His strongest scores were as a Feeling Introvert. Kiara scored as ENFP. Her strongest scores were as a Feeling Extrovert. I find it interesting, but not surprising, that the two kids scored almost the same, except for being introverted/extroverted. Also, on the three matching measurements, Kiara scored higher on each than Paul did. She simply feels more strongly about everything. Is that perhaps a function of age?
Paul: "Forming around 4.5% of the population, INFP personalities are usually perceived as calm, reserved or even shy. However, such an exterior can be deceptive – even though INFPs can be somewhat cautious, their inner flame and passion is not something to be taken lightly. People with this personality type are really affectionate, a trait not often seen in other types."
Kiara: "Forming around 7% of the population, people with the ENFP personality type tend to be curious, idealistic and often mystical. They seek meaning and are very interested in other people’s motives, seeing life as a big, complex puzzle where everything is connected. Not surprisingly, ENFPs tend to be very insightful and empathic individuals – this, plus their charm and social skills, often makes them very popular and influential."
Gracelyn scored as INFJ. Her strongest scores were as a Judging Introvert. Since she is our 'den mother' and counselor, this makes sense for her.
"The INFJ type is believed to be very rare (less than 1 percent of the population) and it has an unusual set of traits. Even though their presence can be described as very quiet, INFJ personalities usually have many strong opinions.... INFJ personalities are drawn towards helping those in need.... Karma and similar concepts are very attractive to INFJs."
Explorers
Rubi scored as ISTP. Her strongest scores were as a Prospecting Introvert. This works with her feelings about never being bound to a single path and being fiercely independent.
Stephanie scored as ISTP. Her strongest scores were as a Sensing Introvert. Stephanie's testing was very difficult to do, as so many questions didn't make sense for her. Because she is autistic, some things just don't coalesce in her mind, especially those things involved with abstract thought or making her own decisions. She has always been denied the power to be in control of herself, so the idea is rather foreign to her. I certainly would not have expected her and Rubi to fall into the same group. But some of the explanation from the site brings that into a bit more clarity:
"People with the ISTP personality type form around 5% of the population and possess many interesting traits that can easily baffle outsiders. They are usually very rational and logical, but can also surprise everybody by suddenly becoming more spontaneous and enthusiastic. While most other types tend to be easily recognizable and have clearly outlined traits, this is definitely not the case with ISTPs – even people who know them well may not be able to anticipate their reaction to something.... ISTPs are relatively private individuals, which makes it even more difficult for other people to tell what is really going on in their minds. ISTPs can also become unexpectedly stubborn and vocal, especially when their principles and habits are being criticized.... People with the ISTP personality type tend to have a very good sense of humour, which may either help defuse a tense situation or make things even more complicated if the ISTP makes a joke that could be seen as insensitive. ISTPs are not naturally emotional and they may have difficulties recognizing the boundaries of what is allowed and expected in emotionally charged situations – consequently, they may unwittingly hurt people belonging to more sensitive types."
Friday, January 3, 2014
Recap - Recovering [Me]
You may have noticed that I haven't posted in, well, weeks. One of my friends did - thanks, E. And I'm grateful that she said something. I mentioned early on that if I don't post for a while, it's probably because things are not going well, and I may need some encouragement. The last few weeks have been incredibly rough. And I still don't know how the situation is going to end, so I'm still feeling very shaky and uncertain. It's not a place I inhabit well, emotionally. I guess a recap would help you, the reader, at least. Boss and I have been fighting a lot over the last few months, for several reasons. And that's depressed to the point of withdrawing and internalizing a lot of what's going on. I don't share so well when I'm hurting.
Remember, Boss is also a multiple. One of his alters was coming out more and more. She had serious jealousy/possessiveness issues, especially where it comes to MK, my boyfriend. MK doesn't want to be 'our' boyfriend, as in dating everyone in the household (my system, Boss, and the Metamour). He wants to be my/our boyfriend, dating everyone in my system; he's only dating one body. Boss's female alter wanted MK to be dating her, also, and pushed herself on him, upsetting all three of us in the process. In a poly family, jealousy that isn't handled becomes a serious problem. But I can't offer that particular alter any alternate solution. She needs a dominant male to play with, and I'm never both of those at the same time. And she's very emotionally volatile, as teenage girls often are. So the more she was denied what she wanted, the more she was out, looking for what she needs. And the more I dealt with her, the more frustrated we all were.
Next issue - Boss has had a lot of stress building for work. His alter being a problem is causing a lot more. Fighting with me over jealousy issues meant he couldn't get comfort for me. So the stress built up more and more. Through some miscommunication of plans, and a jealous fit from his alter, he removed my collar. There wasn't a calm discussion, or even a rational decision; it was a temper tantrum, and there was no warning to me. I was completely furious, and felt betrayed and unwanted. It's like coming home to find your spouse has put your things outside and changed the locks. I pretty well broken for a little while.
We've been working through those two major issues for a while. We're still living together, as boyfriend/girlfriend, but I haven't put the collar back on; and I don't know if I'm going to be able to again. His female alter that was creating all the emotional turmoil has been muted a bit, and limited to a smaller role in his system. The rest of his system has come to some peace around jealousy issues, and the two guys are working on trying to be friends again, for my sake, if nothing else. The holidays are past, with their attendant stresses. And Boss's work deadline has been moved, making it less of a dead rush for him there.
Something that all this has brought to light is that we all three have some different ideas of what our household rules are, especially when it comes to relationships with people outside the three people that live in our apartment. So we're working on slowly coming to agreement on those rules and putting them in writing. It's a slow process, as we have to recover emotionally between bouts, and we all three have lots to say about, well, anything and everything.
Remember, Boss is also a multiple. One of his alters was coming out more and more. She had serious jealousy/possessiveness issues, especially where it comes to MK, my boyfriend. MK doesn't want to be 'our' boyfriend, as in dating everyone in the household (my system, Boss, and the Metamour). He wants to be my/our boyfriend, dating everyone in my system; he's only dating one body. Boss's female alter wanted MK to be dating her, also, and pushed herself on him, upsetting all three of us in the process. In a poly family, jealousy that isn't handled becomes a serious problem. But I can't offer that particular alter any alternate solution. She needs a dominant male to play with, and I'm never both of those at the same time. And she's very emotionally volatile, as teenage girls often are. So the more she was denied what she wanted, the more she was out, looking for what she needs. And the more I dealt with her, the more frustrated we all were.
Next issue - Boss has had a lot of stress building for work. His alter being a problem is causing a lot more. Fighting with me over jealousy issues meant he couldn't get comfort for me. So the stress built up more and more. Through some miscommunication of plans, and a jealous fit from his alter, he removed my collar. There wasn't a calm discussion, or even a rational decision; it was a temper tantrum, and there was no warning to me. I was completely furious, and felt betrayed and unwanted. It's like coming home to find your spouse has put your things outside and changed the locks. I pretty well broken for a little while.
We've been working through those two major issues for a while. We're still living together, as boyfriend/girlfriend, but I haven't put the collar back on; and I don't know if I'm going to be able to again. His female alter that was creating all the emotional turmoil has been muted a bit, and limited to a smaller role in his system. The rest of his system has come to some peace around jealousy issues, and the two guys are working on trying to be friends again, for my sake, if nothing else. The holidays are past, with their attendant stresses. And Boss's work deadline has been moved, making it less of a dead rush for him there.
Something that all this has brought to light is that we all three have some different ideas of what our household rules are, especially when it comes to relationships with people outside the three people that live in our apartment. So we're working on slowly coming to agreement on those rules and putting them in writing. It's a slow process, as we have to recover emotionally between bouts, and we all three have lots to say about, well, anything and everything.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)