Snippets [Me]

Life's been full of ups and downs lately. I don't have a big thing to type, so here's a few small things.

Yesterday I had a panic attack. Which I had never experienced before Paul showed up. And I was at work. So I went and hid in the bathroom for a little while, and did a mental check-in with the kids. It was weird, because it was the most clearly I had ever seen an interaction between me and other alters without working hard to do so. I was looking into Kiara's room from the doorway, and I could see her with some dolls - Barbies maybe? - in each hand, having them have a conversation. She was sitting in that weird way little kids have, sort of kneeling, but with legs splayed out to each side. She looked over her left shoulder at me and said, "Yeah, I'm just peachy." And went back to playing. Then I looked in on Paul. And I could both see him from my point of view and see me from his point of view. It was so unusually clear. I asked him if everything was good with him, and he gave me that teenager kind of sigh. "Yeah, fine," he said, and then shut the door slowly. So odd to see it that clearly.

One of the things I adore about the boyfriend is that he's very laissez-faire and accepting of quirks. Don't get me wrong, Boss is too, but the boyfriend even more so. The other day he came up to me while I was playing a game on the computer - just a stupid Facebook game, but I really hate interrupting things. And he waited for a minute until a good break to say whatever he had to say. And when I thanked him for it, he explained that for him, too, getting interrupted in something, even something kind of throwaway, is unpleasant. I wish I could remember how he phrased it; it came out so thoughtful and sweet.

I was bemoaning my laxity in posting lately - I know I've been neglecting my blog, but I haven't been in the mood. And I heard someone in my head, not one of the kids, go "We have a blog? Hey, we have a blog!" And since Rubi, Sam, Gracelyn, and Paul have all posted on the blog at some point, I've got no clue who that was. Maybe it was a 'forgot'.

This weekend's going to be a big one. I'm teaching a class on kink to a bunch of social workers, therapists, and medical folk. Boss is doing a presentation for that, too, and then he's teaching a class on negotiations to kinky folk on Sunday. So yeah, very stressful. I've been feeling like I'm not up to it, even though I know I am. Can't wait for it to be over, though.