I Wanna' Be Like You [Me]

Because I'm a multiple, and I'm out about being multiple, other people come up to me asking if I think they might be multiple, too. And the short answer is, I can't answer that for you. If you think you might be multiple, I'm going to advise you to see a therapist/counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist/etc. Because I can't tell you if you're multiple. Honestly, they probably can't tell you either, but they can help you figure it out. 

Because there's no way to test for multiplicity. I can't even prove it to myself some days. Maybe I really have just made it up. I just want the attention. I'm trying to make myself be different, special. I can just stop being multiple. And then I switch. Oh yeah, I'm multiple. And my headmates laugh at me. But there's some bite to the laughter, because what if one day, I stop switching and I'm just Me? 

Well, surely I can tell if someone else is multiple if I get to know them, right? I mean, there are three other multiples in my household. And I'm friends with several other multiples. So I can tell the difference, right? Well, no. Because each of us display our multiplicity in different ways. Boss didn't think he was multiple before because his didn't 'act' like my metamour's multiplicity. His system's manner is more like mine. There is no single definitive behavior that 'gives away' someone's multiplicity.

If you tell me you are multiple, that you are certain of this, and that you know your headmates and are dealing with being a multiple and have been dealing with it for some amount of time measured in years, I'm going to simply believe you. You can't fake this for a long period of time. Well, unless there's something else going on in your psyche, which I'm also not qualified to determine. It's too much work to be multiple, and to fake it would be even more work. Especially if you're faking it to yourself.

If you ask me, however, if I think you are multiple, based on one or two events you've experienced, I'm going to say that you probably aren't. Everyone experiences moments of dissociation from time to time. Everyone acts out of character and feels like they can't control it sometimes. And if you're a writer, yes, your characters will take over your mind from time to time. Most people had imaginary friends when they were young, and most people have had some sort of trauma in their lives that could have caused them to split. None of that makes you a multiple.

When you have a solid pattern of all these things happening over and over, and they happen when you're by yourself and when you're around other people, then you have some suspicion. And even then, maybe you have something else going on. Maybe you're depressed or bipolar or just have very poor self-control. Add to these things some memory blackouts that weren't caused by alcohol or drugs. Add in things appearing at your house that you don't remember buying or bringing home. And maybe some friends coming up to you and telling you that you've been... different... at times. Then you can suspect you might be multiple.

And you'll never really prove it for sure to yourself or to anyone else. Because there is no proof. Most multiples that I've talked to have moments of doubting they are multiple, even after dealing with it for years and years. Look back through my blog - does any of this prove I'm multiple? No. Maybe I just have a really thorough imagination. I am an actress, after all. I could be delusional, and I've convinced even myself. I'm a writer, too. Maybe I'm just setting up a story I plan to write. Have I made you doubt me yet?

Here's another point. Most multiples that are seeing a therapist of some sort go through a period where the alters know they're part of a system, and then the therapist knows, but no one tells the primary. Wait, what? No one tells this person who has sought out guidance what it is they are dealing with. That's standard procedure in counseling multiples, folks - don't tell them. Because they have to come to it on their own. Dissociating is a defense mechanism. By 'giving it away', the therapist would be forcibly breaking down those defenses, doing more harm than good.

So if you ask me if I think you are a multiple, I'm going to say no. Because if you are, you have to figure it out for yourself. And if you have to ask me, you probably aren't anyway. You're probably just dealing with stuff. However, if you tell me you are multiple, I am going to accept that at face value. I won't question it, not because I believe you, but because I'll never 100% believe you. If you've just come to this conclusion recently, my level of doubt will be greater than if you've been operating as a multiple for years. But I'll never really know if you truly are a multiple. And you'll never really know if I am.