An Earlier Alter [Me]

I thought of something the other day that apparently had not occurred to me since I started exploring this multiplicity thing.

When I was in eighth and ninth grade, a pretty uncomfortable time for me, I had an entire fantasy world in which I had a boyfriend (Brendan), a group of friends, and some hobbies and behavior patterns that had no basis in my reality, but was incredibly real to me. I knew so many details about this other life in my head, and I realized at the time that there was a strange disconnect between the two. But I couldn't figure out how to reconcile the experience. I mean, I knew these people and this social group as well or better than the people with whom I went to school and spent social time. And I knew that these two different 'me' people did not exist in the same reality. I did not physical own the clothes that I knew I wore in this other reality. The 'other reality me' played chess well; this me was only vaguely able to complete a game. But knowing that these two things didn't fit, I couldn't just dismiss the other as unreal; it was very real to me, and that's what was so disturbing about it.

Now, of course, I get it. That was an alter having memories from their own world, like Paul and Stephanie now, and me seeing/feeling those memories as if they were mine. How I wish I could go back and comfort that youngster trying to deal with being multiple; it might have made so much difference to me if I had known this about myself at the time. I know I ostracized myself even more by trying to follow the social rules of this other world, but I didn't know how else to incorporate both.

And then I 'forgot' about this. I haven't thought about that part of my life back then in many many years. Even when I started exploring being multiple, I hadn't connected the two. Until just now. What happened to that alter? Were they a 'wandering spirit' that didn't find a good landing point, so they moved on? Or maybe they are still locked up deep down in the back of my mind. Or maybe that was one of the alters I have now. So if we ever get to do a big 'test every alter' experiment, we need to be sure to have chess as one of the tests.

And that brings up something else. We've speculated before that I may have been multiple before my first marriage. This was several years before that. The memories from then are strong enough, even now, for me to now be certain that was an alter being expressed. So I was multiple by the time I was in my early teens.