Despite the heavy emotional shakeup lately, there have been some really good things happening. Some even because of it.
I've been teaching a 'Welcome to the Dungeon' class for a couple of years now. It's expanded into the Dungeon 101 class , a Kink 101 class for people curious about their kinky friend's lifestyle, and a Pro 101 for Healthcare Providers that are dealing with kinky folks. And that whole thing is really growing and spreading. I had my first out-of-state presentation last weekend, for example. This is really exciting and fulfilling.
Boss and Paul are still growing and redefining their relationship. Boss sends him gay porn, which he watches with gusto, and then gets all excited wanting to try the stuff he sees. The boy is staying older most of the time, and has a serious case of 'the crush' on Boss. It's a good thing; I enjoy watching them do stuff together.
We've opened our poly family up just a bit. I've talked about MK from time to time over the last couple of years. I've generally referred to him as 'a friend' or 'one of my guys' or as my roommate. He's always been more than that to me, though. He holds a pretty special place for me, and for Kiara. Not as much for anyone else. But in light of the whole condom discussion, his relationship to me - and to the rest of our family - was brought up and examined. And both Boss and the Metamour confirmed what I felt all along, that he is definitely regarded as part of our family. And since we were willing to tell him so, he's been willing to open up a little more to us, to me, too. He's been spending a night or two a week with me, either at our place or at his. And he's interacting a lot more with both Boss and Metamour as well, and that's just great stuff.
And while doing relationship maintenance post-incident, I did go ahead and send Bear a message that I would like to cuddle with him - mostly Kiara would like to - if the opportunity came up and he wished to invite us to do so. He never answered, but we'll see what happens next time the opportunity is there.
In talking with Bear and Boss and MK and other people over the last year or so, I have come to the conclusion that my feelings aren't as obvious to people that I care about as I think they are. If you remember the dom that harshly dumped me a while before I started this blog. One thing he had said later indicated that, at the time, he thought he was just another play partner to me, whereas I was having some serious feelings for him. Bear at one point said something similar. Even though I was deeply emotionally his, he really thought I felt like he was just one of many play partners I had. So I need to make it more obvious. Boss and I talk all the time about how we're feeling. So I think he understands just how deeply I feel about him. But I had not discussed it with MK before, so I did that recently. And that's part of what got him to open up a lot to me, and he feels more strongly than I had dared hope. And that's part of what led to him being much more actively involved in our family, as I mentioned before. So my lesson here is to talk about how strongly I feel for someone, or risk them underestimating my feelings.
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