I got my feelings hurt tonight. Nobody meant to, but it happened.
We went to an event tonight where it was more appropriate for me to be out front than anyone else. Those don't happen much, so I was excited. This morning, I packed clothes for us to change into after work, before the event.
So after work, I got rid of the bra and girl-shirt. I put on a compression teeshirt - no easy feat without help. Then I put on a men's tank top, and our leather vest. It takes some work to pull the compression shirt out enough to adjust all the lumps under it to look right, but I eventually got it okay. I put a do-rag on my head, because the people we were gonna see are used to M having a bald head. I wanted to look noticeably different from her. I wanted to look more masculine, too. Jeans stayed on - they're pretty ungendered, and our shoes are pretty masculine.
I was feeling pretty good about the way I look. I know I'll never really look masculine enough people will look at me and think 'boy', but I felt like I definitely looked ambiguous, where no one would point and say 'girl'.
I had some time to kill, so I went to a couple of shops. The first one was a Mens XL shop - only mens clothing. The clerk came from the back, saying, "Hello, Sir, welcome." That felt good. Then he got a couple steps closer, and said, "I'm sorry. Ma'am." He made a joke about having trouble seeing that far away. I didn't correct him, because, well, the body is, indeed, female. He spotted it. As much as I could do to look male, it only worked from a distance. It hurt my feelings. Not at him, but at my effort.
However, I went to the event, and everyone there that knew us immediately greeted me by my name, not M's. They had no doubt it was me and not her. So I got that much clear.
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
Mutliplicity of Me hits Facebook [Me]
I've been unhappy for a while with my production of posts on this blog. Also, I've been questioning how I've used it. It's become simply a personal blog, which reveals a lot about my kink and relationships, even my work and parenting experiences. This isn't a bad thing, but it does mean that my blog isn't really about being multiple anymore.
On the other side of the coin, I would like my blog to show experiences of being multiple, but in a way that I don't mind just anybody (read: strangers) reading and getting to know me. I don't give out this blog address to just anybody. I'm wary of my daughter reading it, and No Way does my mother need to read it. But my idea in starting it was to make it more accessible for singletons to realize what being multiple is like.
So where does that leave me? I could gut this blog, but there's a lot of Good Stuff in here. I could start a new blog. That fixes some of the issues, but not all. For instance, I feel the need to write a certain minimum amount here to make it worthwhile. And sometimes, I'd like to just throw out a sentence or two.
So I started a Facebook Page (as opposed to a personal profile). It is at https://www.facebook.com/multiplicityofme. The advantage of using a Page is that anyone can Like or Follow it from Facebook and learn a bit about us there. It's just about being multiple, not the rest of my life. I can just write a quick little update, or link to other multiple-related stuff on there. I can send my Mom to it, or anyone.
But I plan to keep this blog alive, too. Not with the little day-to-day multiplicity stuff, but where I can write bigger things, posts that may be too scary or too personal for Facebook, stuff about being kinky and poly and multi all together - you know, like I've been doing. I won't feel guilty for long breaks here, because I'll be doing smaller stuff on FB. But I can do the bigger things here I don't feel are appropriate there.
And sometimes, I might do the same thing in both places. I've already grabbed a lot of stuff from here and just copy-and-pasted there. I've also made a list of posts here that could be rewritten or something similar written as a post on FB - things that are specifically about being multiple.
So we'll see how it goes.
On the other side of the coin, I would like my blog to show experiences of being multiple, but in a way that I don't mind just anybody (read: strangers) reading and getting to know me. I don't give out this blog address to just anybody. I'm wary of my daughter reading it, and No Way does my mother need to read it. But my idea in starting it was to make it more accessible for singletons to realize what being multiple is like.
So where does that leave me? I could gut this blog, but there's a lot of Good Stuff in here. I could start a new blog. That fixes some of the issues, but not all. For instance, I feel the need to write a certain minimum amount here to make it worthwhile. And sometimes, I'd like to just throw out a sentence or two.
So I started a Facebook Page (as opposed to a personal profile). It is at https://www.facebook.com/multiplicityofme. The advantage of using a Page is that anyone can Like or Follow it from Facebook and learn a bit about us there. It's just about being multiple, not the rest of my life. I can just write a quick little update, or link to other multiple-related stuff on there. I can send my Mom to it, or anyone.
But I plan to keep this blog alive, too. Not with the little day-to-day multiplicity stuff, but where I can write bigger things, posts that may be too scary or too personal for Facebook, stuff about being kinky and poly and multi all together - you know, like I've been doing. I won't feel guilty for long breaks here, because I'll be doing smaller stuff on FB. But I can do the bigger things here I don't feel are appropriate there.
And sometimes, I might do the same thing in both places. I've already grabbed a lot of stuff from here and just copy-and-pasted there. I've also made a list of posts here that could be rewritten or something similar written as a post on FB - things that are specifically about being multiple.
So we'll see how it goes.
Monday, June 29, 2015
The Dam Has Broken [Me]
It seems the dam has broken. I wish I understood it better. But I feel like we have an improvement.
MK hasn't spoken to me or Boss since the beginning of April, except short grunts and answers to direct questions. He's stomped angrily past us whenever he's moved through the house. After several weeks of that, we dragged him into a household conversation, where he confirmed that my relationship with him is over, and indicated that he would look for a place to move out to. He's continued to be angry and cold.
Yesterday, the MK that I have always enjoyed and liked came downstairs and started showing off something he had worked on. He acted like everything was fine - and had always been fine. Now remember that he is a multiple also. His personality switches have always been longer-term than mine, lasting days of weeks instead of hours, more often than not. And here's the MK that I can deal with. But too late. I'm still angry over the last three months of ill treatment, and now I'm angry that he can just drop into acting like nothing was ever wrong. As a roommate, though, this alter is infinitely preferable, so I hope this switch lasts for a while.
It just goes to show that multiples in relationships with multiples are just as likely to bust as relationships between singletons. I think the strength of my relationship with Boss is that each of my alters has a relationship with several, if not all, of his alters. My relationship with MK and Boss's relationship with Metamour were both centered around one alter of each system, and the rest were more incidental.
Anyway, I just hope that the MK we saw yesterday stays around for a while. Maybe it's too much to hope that he'll sit down and talk to me, but at least I won't catch myself flinching when he storms by.
MK hasn't spoken to me or Boss since the beginning of April, except short grunts and answers to direct questions. He's stomped angrily past us whenever he's moved through the house. After several weeks of that, we dragged him into a household conversation, where he confirmed that my relationship with him is over, and indicated that he would look for a place to move out to. He's continued to be angry and cold.
Yesterday, the MK that I have always enjoyed and liked came downstairs and started showing off something he had worked on. He acted like everything was fine - and had always been fine. Now remember that he is a multiple also. His personality switches have always been longer-term than mine, lasting days of weeks instead of hours, more often than not. And here's the MK that I can deal with. But too late. I'm still angry over the last three months of ill treatment, and now I'm angry that he can just drop into acting like nothing was ever wrong. As a roommate, though, this alter is infinitely preferable, so I hope this switch lasts for a while.
It just goes to show that multiples in relationships with multiples are just as likely to bust as relationships between singletons. I think the strength of my relationship with Boss is that each of my alters has a relationship with several, if not all, of his alters. My relationship with MK and Boss's relationship with Metamour were both centered around one alter of each system, and the rest were more incidental.
Anyway, I just hope that the MK we saw yesterday stays around for a while. Maybe it's too much to hope that he'll sit down and talk to me, but at least I won't catch myself flinching when he storms by.
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Location and Relocation [Me]
It occurred to me this week that the whole first half of this year has been, and continues to be, about residences, in some way or another. There's been a lot happen that all had to do with where people are located.
We started the year off with Boss losing his job, and finding one in Washington DC. That started off a huge mega-conversation about who was going to DC with him and who wasn't, and what we could do and should do and would do. Part of that conversation resulted in the realization that I wasn't willing to move out of state right now. Another part pointed out the fact, in stark detail, that Metamour and Boss's relationship really was over. At the time, my relationship with MK was much stronger than my relationship with Boss. And then he found and accepted a job in town, which changed the plans, but not what we had all learned.
The next big thing was selling my old house. I hadn't lived in the house for a while, but the expense of keeping it, and the mental toll it was taking on me, was a major factor. When I sold the house, I suddenly had a much better income/expense outlook. Because of that, and with Boss's new job, we were able to adjust the family money flow so that what we put into the household was a lot more fair. Both Boss and I would have more discretionary income than we had been able to have. That meant getting some savings and being a lot more financially secure, for both of us.
Selling my house also meant that my daughter came to 'couch-surf' at our house. She's living out of a suitcase, sleeping in Kiara & Paul's playroom upstairs while she saves up money and looks for an apartment. (Which means we now have five people in our house.)
Now Metamour's moving out. Honestly, that nickname isn't really an accurate name to call her anymore, since she and Boss officially called it 'Done' back in February. But I'm continuing to use it for continuity. Anyway, with the new discretionary income, Boss and I have been able to pull together some money to help her get started on her own. So she found an apartment, and she got hooked into a program that's going to help her get some job training. She moves tomorrow. It's really exciting, because it means turning the page to the next stage of life, for all of us. (And then there will be four.)
Once Metamour has an apartment, it'll be the daughter's turn to get one. It's getting to her, having all of her stuff in storage, so I expect her to be moving into a place pretty soon. (And then there will be three.)
After all that, we'll be down to Boss, myself, and MK. And it'll be time to force some sort of confrontation with him. Will he move downstairs to work on a three-person relationship? Will he move out entirely? Will he stay upstairs as 'my ex-b/f roommate'? I have no idea what's going to happen with him next.
We started the year off with Boss losing his job, and finding one in Washington DC. That started off a huge mega-conversation about who was going to DC with him and who wasn't, and what we could do and should do and would do. Part of that conversation resulted in the realization that I wasn't willing to move out of state right now. Another part pointed out the fact, in stark detail, that Metamour and Boss's relationship really was over. At the time, my relationship with MK was much stronger than my relationship with Boss. And then he found and accepted a job in town, which changed the plans, but not what we had all learned.
The next big thing was selling my old house. I hadn't lived in the house for a while, but the expense of keeping it, and the mental toll it was taking on me, was a major factor. When I sold the house, I suddenly had a much better income/expense outlook. Because of that, and with Boss's new job, we were able to adjust the family money flow so that what we put into the household was a lot more fair. Both Boss and I would have more discretionary income than we had been able to have. That meant getting some savings and being a lot more financially secure, for both of us.
Selling my house also meant that my daughter came to 'couch-surf' at our house. She's living out of a suitcase, sleeping in Kiara & Paul's playroom upstairs while she saves up money and looks for an apartment. (Which means we now have five people in our house.)
Now Metamour's moving out. Honestly, that nickname isn't really an accurate name to call her anymore, since she and Boss officially called it 'Done' back in February. But I'm continuing to use it for continuity. Anyway, with the new discretionary income, Boss and I have been able to pull together some money to help her get started on her own. So she found an apartment, and she got hooked into a program that's going to help her get some job training. She moves tomorrow. It's really exciting, because it means turning the page to the next stage of life, for all of us. (And then there will be four.)
Once Metamour has an apartment, it'll be the daughter's turn to get one. It's getting to her, having all of her stuff in storage, so I expect her to be moving into a place pretty soon. (And then there will be three.)
After all that, we'll be down to Boss, myself, and MK. And it'll be time to force some sort of confrontation with him. Will he move downstairs to work on a three-person relationship? Will he move out entirely? Will he stay upstairs as 'my ex-b/f roommate'? I have no idea what's going to happen with him next.
Incidentally, my non-bio daughter, who does not live with us, is also moving - next week. So we'll be helping her do some moving stuff too, probably. Also, the BDSM club we teach and play at has moved this year as well. Which has resulted in a fair bit of juggling schedules and addresses. Nothing major, but one more thing.
So the first half of 2015 has about location and relocation. I hope it's just the first half of the year. I'd love for the second half of the year to be a bit more stable. Maybe it could be about improving financials - paying off debts, saving money, and such. Wouldn't that be nice?
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
Are Two Multiples in a Relationship Still Considered a Couple? [Me]
Metamour has found an apartment and is moving out this weekend. My daughter is starting to look pretty seriously at a couple different places. And I've definitely crossed the line to considering my relationship with MK done.
It's a weird way to end a relationship. I mean, I've gone through some relationships, so I've gone through some breakups. I've had two divorces. And I've always at least known when the end occurred. I've been dumped by text. I've come home to find he's moved out. I've even been told by the new girlfriend. But I've never had a relationship just... ignored to death.
I'm really pleased to see how little this has messed with the system in my head. Both of the kids have been out about as much as normal. Paul's recently gotten a LOT of new Legos, so he and Kiara have been building up and taking apart and sorting and storing on an almost daily basis. Kiara was out for supper last night; not for any particular reason, but just because, and she was cheerful and nice. Rubi had a scene at the club last weekend, and it went great. Sam's even poked her head out (and her tongue) a few times recently that I've been aware of.
So yeah, things are progressing. Now, after Metamour gets moved out, dealing with MK is next. The original plan is that he was going to move into her room - so that he would be more accessible and there would be more interaction between the three of us, and we could work on our relationship of three... I'm guessing that won't be happening that way. Once she's out, then I'll take him on. One thing at a time.
It's a weird way to end a relationship. I mean, I've gone through some relationships, so I've gone through some breakups. I've had two divorces. And I've always at least known when the end occurred. I've been dumped by text. I've come home to find he's moved out. I've even been told by the new girlfriend. But I've never had a relationship just... ignored to death.
I'm really pleased to see how little this has messed with the system in my head. Both of the kids have been out about as much as normal. Paul's recently gotten a LOT of new Legos, so he and Kiara have been building up and taking apart and sorting and storing on an almost daily basis. Kiara was out for supper last night; not for any particular reason, but just because, and she was cheerful and nice. Rubi had a scene at the club last weekend, and it went great. Sam's even poked her head out (and her tongue) a few times recently that I've been aware of.
So yeah, things are progressing. Now, after Metamour gets moved out, dealing with MK is next. The original plan is that he was going to move into her room - so that he would be more accessible and there would be more interaction between the three of us, and we could work on our relationship of three... I'm guessing that won't be happening that way. Once she's out, then I'll take him on. One thing at a time.
Monday, April 27, 2015
I Think It's Over? [Me]
It's pretty much been a month since MK and I have spent any kind of good time together. He has started talking to Metamour and my daughter, so I have some trickle of information. It sounds like he's mad at me for not spending enough time with him. So to punish me, he's cut me off cold and refuses to spend any time with me. Yeah, you read that right.
I'm fed up with this cold-shoulder-silent-treatment crap. That's no way for any kind of grownup to deal with another grownup. Relationships require communication, which is something he and I have always struggled with. He wants more time with me; I want him to talk to me and to be able to talk to him. I've worked hard to be patient with him through this episode, but it's been close enough to a month now. I'm done.
Heck, maybe he's already decided we've broken up. Of course, he hasn't told me this. But he has. I'm a lot closer to the Metamour than to him at this point, and most of that is bonding over her moving out! So the real question now is whether he's moving out or transitioning to 'roommate'. I've looked in his room; he's not packed anything up or anything. So I'm assuming he's now a roommate. I guess we'll see if he says anything when he pays his rent this weekend.
I was patient for a long time, trying to give him time to work through his fit. I fought off being depressed about it like I usually am. And I was unexpectedly pretty successful. I can only rip my own heart out over the same thing so many times before I stop and wait to see what happens if I don't. Apparently the silence becomes status quo. Fine. I'm done. I've gotten depressed and angry and sad. Now I'm going to push it aside and deal with the things in my life I can do something with.
On the other hand, Boss and I are doing much better. Some of that's because he doesn't have jealousy opportunities with MK. Some of it's because Metamour is actively working on moving out. A lot of it's because he's making a huge effort to be supportive and loving and playful and sweet with me.
And I'm trying to return it. I'm not good at it, turns out, but I'm trying. I am a selfish person - I tell people this and they don't believe me, but I know this is true. It's all about me. Well, isn't that true for everyone? If you pay attention to me, I pay it back. If you ignore me, I go do something else.
So here we are. In January, we were a poly-quad family. Now we're apparently a couple, with his ex-girlfriend and my newly-ex-boyfriend and my daughter all living with us. Sounds like some kind of reality show. Not a good one.
I'm fed up with this cold-shoulder-silent-treatment crap. That's no way for any kind of grownup to deal with another grownup. Relationships require communication, which is something he and I have always struggled with. He wants more time with me; I want him to talk to me and to be able to talk to him. I've worked hard to be patient with him through this episode, but it's been close enough to a month now. I'm done.
Heck, maybe he's already decided we've broken up. Of course, he hasn't told me this. But he has. I'm a lot closer to the Metamour than to him at this point, and most of that is bonding over her moving out! So the real question now is whether he's moving out or transitioning to 'roommate'. I've looked in his room; he's not packed anything up or anything. So I'm assuming he's now a roommate. I guess we'll see if he says anything when he pays his rent this weekend.
I was patient for a long time, trying to give him time to work through his fit. I fought off being depressed about it like I usually am. And I was unexpectedly pretty successful. I can only rip my own heart out over the same thing so many times before I stop and wait to see what happens if I don't. Apparently the silence becomes status quo. Fine. I'm done. I've gotten depressed and angry and sad. Now I'm going to push it aside and deal with the things in my life I can do something with.
On the other hand, Boss and I are doing much better. Some of that's because he doesn't have jealousy opportunities with MK. Some of it's because Metamour is actively working on moving out. A lot of it's because he's making a huge effort to be supportive and loving and playful and sweet with me.
And I'm trying to return it. I'm not good at it, turns out, but I'm trying. I am a selfish person - I tell people this and they don't believe me, but I know this is true. It's all about me. Well, isn't that true for everyone? If you pay attention to me, I pay it back. If you ignore me, I go do something else.
So here we are. In January, we were a poly-quad family. Now we're apparently a couple, with his ex-girlfriend and my newly-ex-boyfriend and my daughter all living with us. Sounds like some kind of reality show. Not a good one.
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