And cue new depression. On top of everything else, I still have a house I'm trying to sell. It's been up for sell for over four months. It's a fixer-upper; there are things that need repaired. And it's priced to reflect that. The tub needs covered/replaced, paint and carpet need done. But now the roof is leaking. It looks like I'm going to be paying for a roof before I'm able to sell the house. And I'm so broke. I assume I'm looking at 5 or 6 thousand dollars, which means a loan. It's really upsetting me, mostly because I feel so helpless.
I want to just switch out and let someone else be out, someone that isn't responsible for thinking about the house. One of the kids, or whoever it is that keeps wanting to hide in the closet. But I'm also working. I have to stay out and do my job and fight off the upset helplessness.
Friday, October 17, 2014
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Pissed Off beats Pissed On [Me]
You know what pushes back depression for me? Being pissed off at whatever I was depressed about. It doesn't stop the sadness, but it sure pushes it out of the way for a while.
The current target of my depression-turned-to-anger is MK. Lately he's been willing to have conversation with Boss and Metamour, but when I try to engage him, I get a quick monosyllable and he retreats to his room. Date Night last week didn't happen, because he worked late and then didn't want to be around anybody when he did make it home. This has been going on for about two weeks now. I stopped him and called him on it once; his defense is that work is really stressful right now and his coworker is keeping him upset. But I'm not buying it; why, then, is he pushing away the one person who wants to help him feel better and wants more than anything just to be around him? And why is he okay chatting with everyone in the house except me? I spent about a week and half being sad and unhappy and flinching when he accelerated past me without even acknowledging me.
I've tried speaking to him; I've sent him texts and Facebook messages. He's mostly ignoring those, too, except the ones I send repeatedly, insisting on an answer. And then it's monosyllabic. One issue is parking at our house. Some recent events have resulted in all the vehicles being in different spots than usual. I asked him for a discussion about it. No response at all. I suggested a solution, and got back something like, "No, don't do it. I'll fix things eventually." Not good enough. I asked a question about that. No response. So I gave up and enacted my solution because I couldn't get him to discuss it with me and things were in the way and needed dealt with. He waited until I was at work, and rearranged things back to being in the way. So I'm pissed off that he won't discuss it with me, and won't leave my solution alone, and things are still in the way.
But you know what? Being pissed off doesn't feel nearly as bad as being sad and hurt that I'm being ignored. So I'll try to maintain it a while.
And you know who does pissed off well? Rubi. And she just doesn't care if he ignores her. Not that she'd admit, at least. So if it seems like Rubi's out a little more for a while, it's MK's fault. Enjoy.
The current target of my depression-turned-to-anger is MK. Lately he's been willing to have conversation with Boss and Metamour, but when I try to engage him, I get a quick monosyllable and he retreats to his room. Date Night last week didn't happen, because he worked late and then didn't want to be around anybody when he did make it home. This has been going on for about two weeks now. I stopped him and called him on it once; his defense is that work is really stressful right now and his coworker is keeping him upset. But I'm not buying it; why, then, is he pushing away the one person who wants to help him feel better and wants more than anything just to be around him? And why is he okay chatting with everyone in the house except me? I spent about a week and half being sad and unhappy and flinching when he accelerated past me without even acknowledging me.
I've tried speaking to him; I've sent him texts and Facebook messages. He's mostly ignoring those, too, except the ones I send repeatedly, insisting on an answer. And then it's monosyllabic. One issue is parking at our house. Some recent events have resulted in all the vehicles being in different spots than usual. I asked him for a discussion about it. No response at all. I suggested a solution, and got back something like, "No, don't do it. I'll fix things eventually." Not good enough. I asked a question about that. No response. So I gave up and enacted my solution because I couldn't get him to discuss it with me and things were in the way and needed dealt with. He waited until I was at work, and rearranged things back to being in the way. So I'm pissed off that he won't discuss it with me, and won't leave my solution alone, and things are still in the way.
But you know what? Being pissed off doesn't feel nearly as bad as being sad and hurt that I'm being ignored. So I'll try to maintain it a while.
And you know who does pissed off well? Rubi. And she just doesn't care if he ignores her. Not that she'd admit, at least. So if it seems like Rubi's out a little more for a while, it's MK's fault. Enjoy.
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